Gender Bias in the Workforce: How to Deal and Toughen Up

September 15, 2008 Posted in Body, Reality

After reading an article in The New York Times regarding the inequality of gender roles in the work place, I got to thinking. After having some corporate (and not so corporate…hellloo retail?!) jobs, I can see where Ms. Seligson (the author of the NYT article) comes from when she airs her frustration about the fact that women have progressed so much in the college and educational world, but when we get to the workforce, it seems like we take a few steps backwards.

By Kelly

From my personal experience, here’s how it goes: men are respected off the bat, women (especially young, attractive ones), need to earn it after due course at a company. Men also aren’t afraid to go after what they want; the article states that when men want a raise, they simply ask for it, but with women, we lack the courage and words to get what we want. Why is this?

I have had both male and female bosses and I will say this: women are threatened by other women. Many women, rather than lending a hand to a female colleague, go behind her back and undermine not only her authority, but her professional aptitude and capability. I had a female boss who once told me I only get dressed up for work because I feel like I need to prove something to everyone. Puh-lease woman. I dress nice because I dress nice — in and out of work (Fast forward to me quitting on the spot and telling said boss how unprofessional she was…talk about wanting to knock me down instead of help me rise! Surprise, surprise, the woman is no longer with that company).

Girl against girl is the nature of the game and, while I feel like I am one of those individuals who is set apart from the social norm, I’m sure I fall victim to some of these behaviors. But my biggest question is: WHY?!

Why do we go after one another, and why can’t we just be looked at as equals? In her NYT article, Ms. Seligson makes a good point: women don’t have skin as thick as men do. Case in point: I cried to my male co-worker/boss this past Tuesday at work. Cried. Real legitimate tears. And, I’m no cry baby…I just couldn’t take the pressure and I snapped. So, rather than mutter a “f*ck you” under my breath and go smoke a cigarette like the men do, I had a mini-saga at work, showing my weakness. Stellar, I know. I cringed afterwards thinking about how I let myself be that vulnerable.

Here’s what I have learned: as women, we need to be tougher, pull together as female coworkers instead of push each other away, and learn how to check the drama at the door. When you walk into work, make it about work, and don’t force yourself to be perfect.

Is this a battle I’m facing alone? Share your experiences with me, CC-ers!

[photo from stmedia.startribune.com]

1213611 Comments2008-09-15+14%3A10%3A58Kelly+-+UMass on "Gender Bias in the Workforce: How to Deal and Toughen Up"

ela says:
Mon, 15th Sep 20086:19 am

think it's bad? trying working me with in europe…not only europe…in the balkans, you have no idea. set yourself back like 50 years.

V says:
Mon, 15th Sep 20086:48 am

I once had a female boss blantantly tell me I was getting fat and to stop eating so many sweets (which mind, I very much wasn't). How professional is that? Her 45+ saggy ass can kiss mine.

snarktastic says:
Mon, 15th Sep 20089:36 am

you quit a legitimate job because she insulted your clothing preference? sounds to me like you're providing ammo for the argument against women.

just get the job done and work harder at it than everybody else, it's not that tough.

BJ says:
Mon, 15th Sep 200810:01 am

"From my personal experience, here’s how it goes: men are respected off the bat"

This, along with you quitting over the clothing thing shows that you have no idea what you're talking about. Men are not respected off the bat. They get shat on the same as everyone else and have to work to prove themselves.

Instead of throwing yourself a pity party, try actually looking around once in a while.

Jessy says:
Mon, 15th Sep 200810:12 am

it's ok – my boss tells me i look anorexic (which is weird considering she's very tiny skinny asian tryna lose 10 lbs). && she tells me wht i wear to work is butt ugly – tht i need to change it. (like someone's just gonna drive back home & change) & she tells me i act like a bitch & i need to work on my personality besides the fact im ugly if i dont wear lipstick

but thts ok

know why?

cause when work isnt busy i spend my day thinking of ways either she's gonna get screwed over

or how i would like to kill her

but hey a jobs a job & if she isnt gonna fire me after all tht.. ill stick wit it until i get a new one

but at least i can take comfort in the fact tht she treats the guys at my work even worse thn me.

jes says:
Mon, 15th Sep 200810:45 am

Yeah I've learned from working in the office of male-dominated jobs (aerospace engineering fields, roofing companies, etc) that you have to demand respect from others, and have confidence to back it up.

I get hit on a LOT, and many times its extremely innapropriate.

However, as soon as it happens, I pull the guys aside (and usually into my boss' office so there's a witness and they cant go back and spread a lie & get you in trouble) and I assert my authority over them (not my boss, you have to stand up for yourself).

I'll stand there and in a forceful and yet professional tone, tell them what they did, how it was completely innappropriate for the office, and that that kind of attitude/language will not be tolerated.

Usually this results in them calling you a bitch behind your back, but they dont do the same shit twice.

Its frustrating, but rather than let people run over you and run your self-esteem into the ground, just assert yourself over them and show them that you are worth respecting, and you will usually be respected in return.

Kelly M. says:
Mon, 15th Sep 200810:53 am

Just to all the haters out there, I didn't quit that job b/c she made comments about my clothes. I quit because it was an unpleasant work environment, doing something that I did not believe in. Also, I am commenting on how Ms. Seligson is stating men are respected off the bat in the workforce. Again, I am not making a comment on every work force, just the ones I've been previed to. Thanks.

grammar queen says:
Mon, 15th Sep 200811:35 am

*privy… "I've been privy to"

…no hard feelings, I rather liked and appreciated the article.

Jenn says:
Thu, 18th Sep 20086:29 pm

We go after one another because that's what people do (who have been underrepresented in the corridors of power for almost all of human history). Basically, it is a normal human response to being on the outside looking in. Historically, there's only been a few slots for the "token woman" to fill, and it's dog-eat-dog to get there.

The good news: times are changing. We have role models now. Although I may not agree with all her politics, Hillary is a fantastic example of toughness. Angelina Jolie uses her fame and glamour to help people. Oprah…need I say more?

In almost every industry, there is an iconic woman who did it the right way. Let's model ourselves after them, and not tear each other down over trivial bullshit like makeup, hair color, and outfits. We are just as smart (if not smarter), just as capable (if not more), and we DO have the toughness.

Be fearless, take risks, and most of all, believe in yourself!

deb says:
Sat, 15th Nov 20089:30 pm

This is what I think:

Women see other women as a threat and go after them in the workplace. Right? Right. But men see other men (and women) as threats too. Men are just more comfortable with it. If you want something, you have to do what’s necessary to get it. That doesn’t mean cheating or lying (at least it shouldn’t) but you shouldn’t feel bad for working harder and demanding more than the woman next to you. You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t. Sometimes you ‘re going to be perceived as the bitch, but it’s not just because you’re a woman (although it no doubt sometimes is), it’s because you’re successful when someone else isn’t. It’s no different than the man being perceived as the arrogant asshole, it’s just different words.

I got promoted about a year ago. Most of the women I worked with in my former department and position wanted the same job and were really bitter that it was given to me. However, not a single one of them tried for the job! Eventually one woman confronted me, bitching at me really, and said it was bullshit that I got the job and she didn’t. I asked her “did you apply for the job, did you ever TALK to the creative director about it?” She said no. Well what the hell are you mad at me for then, be mad at yourself.

Just last night I was out with my boss. He is a VERY demanding director, and I have more responsibilities than I should in my current position. And that’s just how I like it. I told him that sometimes I can tell that he holds back a bit, and that I don’t want him to do that. If I’m going to get better at what I do and be prepared for the next company and set of assholes I go to, he needs to just let me have it. He flat out said (even as one of the least chauvinistic men I’ve ever met) that if I were a guy, he would be harder on me because if I were a guy I would fight harder. He’s right, but that’s one of the most important things I’ve learned in a long time. Fighting for what I’m doing and what I want is OK. I’m not “crossing the line” and if I do, he’s damn sure to let me know.

My advice (as a woman still learning): Man-up. Balls to the wall. No one wants to be perceived as the “bitch,” but what’s more important to you?

Flea says:
Wed, 12th May 201012:47 am

I work in a male dominated workplace and I'm the Receptionist – but the role is unofficially the "Office Manager". I liked the article as I do struggle as I'm "too nice" and let myself get walked on by my co-workers.

Anyone got tips to toughen up?

btw – can be true about some women – I remember being reduced to tears by the bosses wife at a previous job.