College Candy

Even though a lot of us look back on high school fondly, most of us are smart enough to know that nostalgia is based more on Hollywood movies and selective memory than actual fact. Hell, by the time we were done with 12th grade, we were so happy to be out of there that we hardly looked back after that big “Happy Graduation!” pool party where we hid behind our towel just in case our 4-year crush finally noticed us and asked us out.

33-year-old Wendy Brown, however, really believed that high school was the place to be. Arrested last weekend on felony identity theft charges, Brown may face a year in jail for trying to impersonate her 15-year-old daughter and joining the cheerleading squad at a high school in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

After having a child at 17, Brown believed she had “missed” a vital part of her childhood and thought enrolling as a fake teenager and going to a pool party at a cheerleading coach’s house was a surefire way to fix all her problems. Weirdly, even though school officials thought Brown “looked older than a student,” they thought her demeanor was “teenager” enough to accept her as a real student — that is until the middle-aged woman stopped going to school and only showed up for cheerleading practice.

So really, Brown didn’t want to go back and do the work of high school, she just wanted to have the “fun” — jumping around in a little skirt during basketball games played by kids half her age.

You know who I really feel bad for? Brown’s actual 15-year-old daughter. How life-alteringly embarassing would it be to have your mom go crazy and decide to pose as you — all for nostalgic cheerleading dreams she claimed to never have achieved because of your birth? Talk about family therapy…or early emancipation.