Faked Tolerance: Being an Interracial Lesbian

September 22, 2008 4:00 pm     Posted in Reality, Sex  Olua - Washington College g+ page

holdinghands.JPG For a college in stereotypical Smalltown USA, I always thought that good ol’ WAC was a good progressive college, accepting of just about anybody. True, I’m in the VAST black minority in my school, even if they’re attempting to up the number of enrolled black students. But no one really seemed to ever judge me (and if they did, they did an awfully good job at hiding it), and it’s part of why I love my campus.


By Olua

But I’ve noticed something that has become so frequent that it happens at least twice a week. I don’t know if it’s because we have such a large freshman class that doesn’t know me as well as the rest of the upperclassmen, or if it’s something else, but while I’m walking to lunch, at a club meeting, or in a popular hang-out spot with my girlfriend, whether we’re just holding hands, play-flirting, or giving goodbye kisses, I’ve been catching several looks. And most of them are of utter confusion and/or disgust.

After well over a year of being with my girlfriend, it’s not exactly breaking news that we’re going out. We’ve gotten looks from some upperclassmen before, sure, but it was never so frequent or so extreme as it is now. And I’m certain that these looks aren’t being given to other heterosexual couples, or even other interracial couples (which, unless they are well-hidden, I have seen none of).

It’s bad enough that when I’m home, I can barely bring my girlfriend up in conversation without feeling awkward. But to be on campus, walking down the street and holding her hand and being gawked at like we’re some kind of traveling freak show? Forgive me, world, for saying that it makes me unhappy, uncomfortable, and angry. Aside from physical differences, we don’t differ much from any other heterosexual couple. We fight, we talk, we help each other, we have sex, we love. Sure, we might do it a little differently than John and Jane down the hall, but the premise is the same. So why should we be treated differently?

I know for myself that being raised in a household where nothing but heterosexuality was expected from me, it took me a little while to get accustomed to the idea that people of the same gender could love each other, too. And when I realized I was one of those people, it was hard. People seem to think that it’s something that can be turned on and off, or that it’s something people are starting to lean towards now because it’s “cool.” But why on earth would I ever willingly do something I know I’d be ridiculed for?

No, this is who I am. This is who I’ll always be. And I understand that people might have a little difficulty understanding other people who choose this lifestyle. People like me. It’s not “normal” or “right” by many standards. I wish that other people, people who stare and flare their nostrils, could understand us.

I know that not everyone can accept gays or lesbians. But trying couldn’t hurt.

12 Comments on "Faked Tolerance: Being an Interracial Lesbian"

  1. C says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20086:11 pm 

    While I feel for you for having to feel that way I want to point out that it's possible the confusion and or disgust is being misinterpreted on some people. I know that I've done double takes at lesbian/gay couples and it's not because I can't accept them, it's just out of utter plain curiosity. It's not something that is seen a whole lot (where I live at least) and it's natural to be curious about things you dont understand or know. While I'm not saying that it's right, of course you should be able to enjoy the company of your significant other in public without being watched, I just want you to know that as someone who has caught herself occasionally staring…we're not all judging you. and…sorry.

  2. sally says:
    Fri, 26th Sep 20088:14 pm 

    I came across an online community for individual seeking interracial love. It is ++++((((—Blackwhitemeet. C O M))))++++ All singles there are seeking interracial relationships. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

  3. Some Guy says:
    Wed, 1st Oct 200812:52 am 

    Have you considered the possibility that public displays of affection are in poor taste, no matter who's doing it?

    When someone reacts negatively to tacky behavior on your part, don't assume that they have an issue with whatever groups you identify with. If this happens to you a lot, then you're probably the one being a jerk.

  4. Stephanie says:
    Wed, 1st Oct 20088:37 am 

    I agree with "Some Guy"

    I give "those looks" to ANY couple that displays PDA. Get a grip on yourself and stop being so self-conscious.

  5. Olua - Washington Co says:
    Thu, 2nd Oct 20081:21 pm 

    Some Guy and Stephanie, what exactly are you considering PDAs? I'm not making out with my girlfriend in public. I just mean holding hands – like I said. I don't go further than that because it makes me a bit uncomfortable and I wouldn't make anybody feel the same way because of something me and any significant other should keep to ourselves.

  6. Stephanie says:
    Thu, 2nd Oct 20082:10 pm 

    " with my girlfriend, whether we’re , I’ve been catching several looks."

    Meaning you're quite aware that there are tons of people around and you proceed to "hold hands, play flirt and kiss"

    So. Yeah.

  7. nora says:
    Sat, 4th Oct 200810:00 pm 

    Whatever man. You can't deny that there is homophobia, and when I see a homosexual couple showing any signs of affection in public, there is usually some form of expression of surprise or even disgust. More power to you if you just keep playing your game. Eventually they will have to get used to it, and if something escalates, *they* will get in trouble, not you. All these people who are trying to justify the weird looks you are getting are probably not homosexual and have no idea what it is like to be in a world completely geared towards heterosexuals. Although I'm not homosexual, I respect your attempt to reach out to the straight community and plea for a little respect. A little respect is not even close to what you deserve, which is equality, and the right to hold your girlfriend's hand in public.

  8. Stephanie says:
    Sun, 5th Oct 20089:19 am 

    And we all have a right to not love to see them holding hands in public,

    I don't see how a look is disrespectful either, as long as no one is physically harming you stfu and deal. It's the real world now, not pre-k.

  9. rachel says:
    Sun, 5th Oct 20085:23 pm 

    Wow, I cannot believe the comments above from Some Guy and Stephanie… obviously they completely missed the whole point of the article, or they're just idiots.

    The things described that seem to make people so uncomfortable are totally normal things that say, straight people are doing all the time all over the place. I really doubt Stephanie would feel the same way about a 30 something white middle class couple sharing a smooch on a park bench.

  10. Melisa says:
    Sun, 5th Oct 20086:44 pm 

    I understand what your saying. Im also a lesbian and when im with my girlfriend i show affection were all humans we have the free right to.If your proud to be gay then why hide it? It is not affecting anyone that you and your partner.Im pretty sire some guy and Stephanie have been in public snd showed PDA as she says.But she is also stop acting like were in pre k but i remember getting in truble for showing pda in middle school mm so maybe she should grow up.&& another thing people should stop starin. It's rude.

    One love

  11. Tyler says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20098:27 pm 

    To stephanie…you have this great thing called free will which allows you to IGNORE PDA. try it, it might work for you.

  12. Satori says:
    Wed, 11th Nov 20092:13 pm 

    I'm a lesbian in an interracial relationship and me and my gf recieve stares when we're just holding hands.I live in the UK but im originaly from the states. I find there is less homophobia here,and more acceptance of mixed couples.To Stephanie last time i checked pda was legal maybe you should mind your buisness and look away if you're so prejudice. I wish you and your gf nothing but the best,love is love no matter its color,sex,or creed.x

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