The Breakup I Didn’t Know About

September 22, 2008 10:00 am     Posted in Reality  Caitlin Corsetti g+ page

crying_girl.jpgListen clearly: I don’t want this to discourage you girls in LDRs or in any relationship for that matter, but something happened to me that is absolutely mortifying and humiliating and just unbelievable.


By Caitlin Corsetti

I’m the girl that was in an on-and-off relationship with a guy for eight years. Eight years. Eight long years of ups and downs, break ups, makeup sex, happy times, sad times, etc. He was my best friend. This year things changed a bit; I started college and he moved across the country. But we knew we’d be ok; we lasted this long didn’t we?

Before I left for school I visited him for three wonderful weeks. It was all lovey dovey and perfect. He was constantly telling me tat he loved me like he has for eight years, and we were going to get married, and blah blah blah.

When I got to college (about a month ago), I realized how much I disliked the school and told him how I wanted to go to New York next semester. He was really supportive and reminded me I could always transfer out there. Awww.

And then I didn’t hear from him for a few days. And then a few more days went on without contact. So I started to freak out. When I finally got a hold of him he told me we were fine, he missed me and loved me, and not to worry. So I didn’t; I figured we were back to normal.

But apparently we weren’t. No phone calls, no texts. He didn’t answer my calls or my texts. I was being ignored. I sent a long text explaining that he should want to talk to me because I was his girlfriend, and we needed to talk things out. I told him how I wasn’t mad (even though I was furious), and I just wanted to talk to my boyfriend. No answer. I got drunk (great solution to everything, eh?) and ended up calling fifteen times and sending four texts (according to my call log). Again, no answer.

I rarely get on Facebook chat, but I did on Tuesday night. This girl from my high school who goes to the same university as my boyfriend ex-boyfriend struck up a conversation with me. She asked if I was still dating the boy and went on to tell me about an interaction she had had with him:

He messaged her because she added him as her friend, and he didn’t know how he met her. She said that they had met at a party, he called her fresh meat, which wasn’t funny, and that she knew his girlfriend (ME.).

His reply: haha omg sorry that’s not funny but I am single.

WHAT. THE. EFF?!

My boyfriend broke up with me and DIDN’T. TELL. ME. Who does that? Who, after 8 years, is such a coward they can’t even be honest and up front? He told other people, but not me? And I had to find out via Facebook?

I have so many emotions running through me right now: anger, sadness, disbelief, embarassment. And it doesn’t help that I am at a school I don’t like without the comforts of my family and friends around me. I don’t know how to deal.

If you have any advice for me, I would truly appreciate it.

And please, don’t get discouraged if you’re in an LDR. Like I said before, I’m sure your boyfriends aren’t complete scum. And I’m sure there aren’t many guys who would leave it to Mark Zuckerberg to do their dirty work.

32 Comments on "The Breakup I Didn’t Know About"

  1. thestorysofar says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20085:12 am 

    I'm so sorry, sweetie. That sucks on about a billion levels. I just split with my 4 year on again-off again. For good this time. He had the balls to tell me, but barely, and out of nowhere. Its really awful, but just know that you're better than that and are better off for it. ps, mine was also LDR. But we had made it work for 2 years already.. he just moved like an extra couple hours away. He did do it in a really shitty way though, maybe it'll make you feel better: he, my best friend, transferred to a new school after telling me all summer he wouldnt have picked one that far except he thought that we could totally make it work. he's there for one week, then decides he doesnt miss me and we're done. I say, fuck em.

  2. thestorysofar says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20085:15 am 

    actually, i have a pps- listen to Sleater-kinney. awesome band, they made me feel better for the past couple weeks since that all happened.

  3. Rebecca says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20085:51 am 

    That's horrible, he sounds like a total jerk :(

    By the way, you say you were on/off for eight years and you've just started college; does that mean you've been together since you were ten, or I am missing something here?

  4. Sues - Univ. of New says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20086:07 am 

    I'm so sorry! How horrible. I know it feels like it will never get better, but honestly, soon you'll be looking back saying "WHY was I with him for so long??" and "Thank God that happened!!" When my college bf of 3.5 years cheated on me, I thought I was going to die. Now I want to send him a thank you note for doing it because something needed to break us up and if he hadn't done that who knows where I'd be today!

    It sounds horribly cliche but everything happens for a reason :)

  5. Coco - University of says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20086:11 am 

    Rebecca yep we met when I was 10 and had one of those adorable "will you go out with me" middle school relationships which evolved from there.

  6. michelle says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20086:41 am 

    OMG im soo sorry… if it makes you feel better my bofriend and i broke up after a year casue im going to school in boston and he decided to go to arizona state. we didnt even try the long distance casue he made it clear from the begining that when we go to college we would break up. he rarely answers my calls and it takes him forever to text back we havent spoken on the phone in 143 hours, becasue i wrote him an email telling him how im feeling and he suggested me going on medication instead of fixing our problems. so i suggested talking less and thats what were doing. and it sucks cuase its not a real break up were still in love but its just the distance that is against us. buttt annyywayy good luck itll take time but youll get through it

  7. Capri Sun says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20086:48 am 

    This is horrible! I'm sorry. I dated a long distance dick too. It's amazing how much willpower they have to not answer the phone. You did better than I did, I think I called him every hour on the hour for 2 days and he never answered. He finally talked to me like 2 months later…after I told him I'd been in the hospital…

    And to Michelle, good riddance. I promise you that you don't want to date an ASU boy.

  8. Mary says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20086:54 am 

    how ironic, i just discovered this morning that my "boyfriend" has decided to break up with me as well. and of course i can't get ahold of him. such a great way to start the day, really.

  9. caitlin says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20087:10 am 

    Pretty much the same thing happened to me. The Douche deleted his facebook and changed his myspace status to single without telling me that we were done. I know what your going through. It sucks!

  10. Kelly M. says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20087:20 am 

    Hang in there. It's crappy, but in a year, you'll look back at this and laugh at even being upset over someone who clearly isn't worth it. (I'm totally speaking from experience here, so I don't want you to think I'm preaching.) Someone who can do that to you, is not someone who you should invest any emotions in. So have a good cry, eat some ice cream, drink some wine, and get back out there. :)

  11. Diem says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20089:37 am 

    I'm so sorry to hear that… I was in a similar situation, only I found out that my jerk ex bf actually went off and got married. I found out through none other than FACEBOOK. Hang in there, it'll all get better in time!

  12. Sarah says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 200810:02 am 

    omg Diem, thats HORRIBLE!

    And like everyone has been saying, just hang in there, if he has the nerve to do something like this to you after knowing him for that long, he's not worth wasting your time on.

    He'll find out soon enough that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

  13. Sam says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 200810:06 am 

    Well how lame and totally undeserving of your attention is he? Via facebook? So mature. You're better off. Something better will come out of it.

  14. SARAH says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 200812:32 pm 

    Your ex totally sucks. I blame the Tucker Max's of this world.

  15. tissue says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20081:54 pm 

    You are totally better off girl.

    He doesn't deserve you if he can't even call you about this.

  16. Star says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20083:43 pm 

    That was probably the worst thing I've ever heard for a guy to do. And since I just got out of relationship that ended abruptly I know how lonely it is to be at a college where you're new, but to get dumped over Facebook…..and by someone who's not your boyfriend? That's horrible! I wish I could do more to help, but you could always try talking to a counselor on campus. Not because I think you're crazy or suicidal or anything, just because they're free and they're there to just listen when you need a friend.

  17. Lizzy says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20085:04 pm 

    I love you girl…more than you know! hang in there.

  18. Laura says:
    Mon, 22nd Sep 20089:23 pm 

    Yeah, I will never trust long distance relationships again. I had one with a guy from Georgia (met when I was on vacation, developed from there.) He had flown up to see me after I left there, then wanted me to move in with him… he broke up with me 2 weeks later (after I had left for a week due to seeing far too many dirty texts on his phone) citing all these things about me he couldn’t handle (how I’m northern, how I’m a democrat, all this other stuff he’d known since he met me) but then after being stuck there after the breakup (had to wait to take the drive home) I found out he had been screwing multiple chicks the whole entire time… and he was the one talking of marriage and forever; I hadn’t gotten to that page yet.

    Yeah, at least I got the break up in person. But at least you didn’t have to fight the urge to be kicking his ass when he did it in person. All I can say is get out there and see what else is out there. 8 years is way too long when you’re only 18!

  19. Capri Sun says:
    Tue, 23rd Sep 20085:12 am 

    You know what, I've given this some thought and I remember my ex telling me once that guys quit calling because they don't know how to deal with the situation. He did it to me once when he wasn't even living in another state – I had to see him out with another girl before I realized that we were dunzo. I called him a coward, but he said sometimes it's easier to just make the girl let go instead of having a confrontation.

    I still maintain that he's a coward.

  20. Jenn says:
    Tue, 23rd Sep 20088:14 pm 

    Are you sure this girl who told you that is trustworthy?

  21. TinTin says:
    Thu, 25th Sep 20089:39 am 

    Yeah Capri Sun, I read that somewhere as well, that it's actually hard for a guy to leave a female. However, I agree with you and don't give a fuck, that still screams COWARD to me. I TOO, was in a long distance relationship and ALSO felt the disconnect towards the end. It became near impossible to reach him and I finally got the breakup through a muthafunkin text message lmaoooo. I just have to laugh at that because I guess since we did most of our communication over the phone, breaking up over the phone to him would have probably made him feel like he was doing it in person lol. Honestly, i think it was the distance(6 hrs) that put a major strain on the relationship (we didn't even hit the 6 month mark). CoCo, my dear for a guy to be involved with you for 8 yrs and do something like that to you tells he me that he is a piece of shit, flush his stinky ass down the toilet!!

  22. Liz27 says:
    Thu, 25th Sep 20088:37 pm 

    I thought I was going to be original and say I went through the same thing, but guess not. I just ended my 3 year relationship (8 months of it long distance). He was amazing at long distance last year and suddenly this year couldn't do it. I thought my world was falling apart. He was my best friend too; that was the worst part, losing both the person I loved and my best friend. And I know after that long you're always going to have feelings for them. But you shouldn't punish yourself for begging him to talk to you: we all do it and then feel stupid. It's not your fault he's too immature to handle a relationship like this. After being single for 2 weeks, I've already been asked out on 2 dates. 2 weeks ago I thought I'd be alone for the rest of my life. Life does go on, even if its painful. Good Luck.

  23. Betty says:
    Sat, 27th Sep 20081:13 am 

    Yeah that happened to me too. He was dogging calls and saying he would meet me and then not showing up. I got a call in the middle of the night from his cell. I listened to the message a couple of days later cause I was still mad about being blown off. It was his new girlfriend saying that he was hers now and that if I talked to him again she was going to break my legs. I was a bit hurt to say the least. But I quickly realized that she should be thanked because now she gets to deal with his bullshit and not me!

  24. Abby says:
    Tue, 30th Sep 200810:15 am 

    Damn I never realized how many girls this happened to…I started college this year too & i've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years…i thought he was going on a trip to mexico but then (through facebook) i found out that he never went to mexico but went to rehab (no ideaaaa he had a drug problem)….he dodged me for 2 wks once he heard i found out until i finally flew across the country and showed up at his house to get closure…SO shitty

  25. Indian27 says:
    Mon, 20th Oct 200812:48 pm 

    I can't believe this happens to so many. 6 months before our wedding, when I asked my ex to be more polite to me, he said I was more a companion to him these 2 years & he didn't really harp on getting married. (Considering I was the commitmentphobe & only agreed to marrying after a few months of him asking.) Then he said let's try to make this work & a week later changed his friendster profile to single & stopped calling. What an immature coward.

  26. christine shipley says:
    Sat, 25th Oct 200810:58 am 

    i just broke up with m boyfriend of 8years,through a text message he adnt even got the guts to face up to me after so long together,all because he wanted to hang about with his mates more and i didnt want him to,but we didnt have a long distant relationship either we only live a mile apart,but i am totally gutted that he has treated me this way and feel so angry about it all

  27. Katey says:
    Thu, 20th Nov 20083:53 pm 

    Wow…sounds like I just read my own experience. The exact same thing happened to me. I had to just assume we weren't together anymore because he never answered my calls or texts. two weeks later of no contact he goes "whats up" on msn… WHAT'S UP? you're my effing boyfriend and haven't talked to me in over two weeks COWARD so i had to tell him off on msn and "break up" with him even though he clearly already moved on and didn't even have the decency to talk to me on the phone. Some men are clearly corrupted. it honestly is the most horrifying and embarassing and hurtful thing to go through. it's the worst way that any girl could ever have to go through a break-up…it's hard enough already. So i guess i really don't have any advice to give you but just for you to know that you're not alone.

  28. Cassie says:
    Thu, 4th Dec 20085:53 am 

    I found out about my bf suddenly getting in a rleationship with another girl from Facebook….and this was 2 hours before he IMed me saying how he "didn't want a relationship like that right now…" WTF? Why do guys suck so supremely much when it comes to letting us know whats even going on?!?!

  29. Mary says:
    Fri, 28th Aug 20098:04 am 

    Happened to me too. His new girlfriend called me and told me all about them. He never spoke to me again. And here's the most pathetic part – he is 59 years old – should know better, but if you are a coward and you've never learned how to interact with people, that's what you do. He has to live with himself, and god knows how he does it!!

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