The Hills: An Episode When Stuff Actually Happened!

For the first time all season, last night’s episode of The Hills was action packed! I was actually not that surprised, because of course everything would go down as soon as LC left town. Remember how everything changed when she went to Paris?

But still – it was intense. Things happened. And, more importantly, really deep conversations were had.

Like this doozy between Audrina and Lo as they ate lunch during their (forced) week of bonding:

“I have 2 knives,” says Audrina, confused.

“I have 2 forks,” responds Lo. “TRADE!!”

Ah, that is true friendship. They really are getting along – at least until the BIGGEST DRAMA EVER happens: Audrina starts chatting Heidi up at the bar and then meets up with Heidi (who happened to be wearing a lot of leather) and Spencer at the X-games party. And not only does she meet up with them, she starts getting all huggy and lovey with Heidi about their friendship and how they used to be BFF.

“We’re grownups now!”

“Praise Jesus I am not involved in that!”

Not that we can blame her because you and I both know we’ve been there before; the alcohol is flowing and things start to get a little hazy. Before you know it you are telling everyone how much you love them, how you “totally need to hang out!” and how you really miss them. Really.

Audrina even tells Heidi about the Stephanie and Doug situation, to which Heidi responds with my second favorite line of the night: “That was, like, her Doug.” I get what she is going for here – Stephanie is a backstabbing bitch – but Heidi couldn’t come up with anything better than using Doug’s name to describe Doug?

That’s the best you can do, MTV Heidi?

But all that is only half of the sh*t that happened last night. Obviously, we watched as the real Stephanie Pratt started coming out. And the real Stephanie Pratt is horny and wants to do Doug now.

I have no problem with Pratt going on a date with Doug; after all, LC broke things off with him, which should mean he is fair game for everyone else. And the kid has a freaking PLANE – someone needs to date him.

My problem with Stephanie is that she is deliberately plotting (with Spencer, no less!) to go behind Lauren’s back with the boy. Even though she shouldn’t technically have to, Stephanie can wait a few more days to tell LC before going on the date. Yes, it is annoying, but it is in the Girl Code, and girls are annoying. Especially LC. She even told Spencer that she and Doug will just tell people they are only friends.

Because there is NO WAY anyone would ever find out. It is not like there are cameras constantly following them around, or that any of this will ever end up on TV.

Lauren eventually comes home from Italy, A.K.A. a giant construction site, and is updated on all the happenings while she was gone. She gives Audrina an angry look when she finds out she was hangin’ with Heidi, calls Doug “my Doug” when hearing about the Stephanie sitch and then goes to dinner with Brody where he gives her a big, fat, “I told you so.”

And you could cut the sexual tension with a knife.

Then the episode ended. And my guy friend who was watching with me (and, no, I did not force him to!) looked exhausted.

“Were our lives ever that dramatic?”

“Nope! And that’s why no one ever wanted to watch us.”

Can’t wait for the Stephanie/LC sh*tstorm next week!