Why Do Men Cheat? Because We Freaking LET THEM

September 24, 2008     Posted in Buzz, Sex

cheating_husband.jpgAuthor and marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman is all over the airwaves these days; from Oprah to The Morning Show with Mike and Juliette, this guy has been spreading his message as loudly as possible. And what is his message, exactly? “One in 2.7″ (apparently there are some half man, half monkeys walking around out there…) men will cheat on their significant other, and not only will they cheat, they’ll do it because their female counterpart isn’t appreciating them.


By CC Staff

According to Neuman, the reason men cheat isn’t because they want a hotter piece of ass or even promiscuous sex, the reason they cheat is because their wives have stopped being nice to them. “The majority [of men] said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling under-appreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures,” Neuman is quoted as saying on Oprah.com, “Men are very emotional beings. They just don’t look like that. Or they don’t seem like that. Or they don’t tell you that.”

Even though Neuman said he wrote his book to “empower women,” a lot of people are kind of pissed off with his findings. Even though the good counselor doesn’t come right out and say it’s the wives’ or girlfriends’ fault when their partner strays, saying that men cheat because they don’t feel appreciated is basically saying it’s the wives’ or girlfriends’ fault! Because who doesn’t the husband or boyfriend feel appreciated by? That’s right — his partner.

Before you start yelling about how I’m irrational or judgemental or whatever, I can understand part of what Neuman is talking about; when people feel unfulfilled in a relationship, they tend to start looking for something better. Being treated like crap (or just ignored) for a long time would make anyone fall into a stranger’s arms. But there is such a thing as communication; talking out your problems, going to counseling, asking a partner for more of their time. And then when communication doesn’t work, there is also such a thing as ending the relationship.

So, sorry, I just don’t buy the fact that men cheat because they feel unappreciated and have no way to change it. No one’s backing these dudes in a corner and telling them that cheating is the only way to regain their happiness. If you’re not content with your spouse, work hard and talk it out or break the f*ck up.

A lot of men cheat because society has given them an out — continuously telling them that they’re hot-wired to go after every pair of boobs they see. Maybe men have a different biological make-up that constitutes a higher sex drive, but most people have heard of the word self control. We hold ourselves back when we want to kill our boss or that person who cuts us off on the highway, so I’m pretty sure, if a guy really tried, he could hold back from cheating.

Gary Neuman, and all the other “writers” who want to give men yet another excuse to throw off monogamy, should probably take a second to think about what they’re doing. The more we bitch and moan about why we do bad things, the more stupid and cowardly we look.

13 Comments on "Why Do Men Cheat? Because We Freaking LET THEM"

  1. jes says:
    Wed, 24th Sep 20087:06 am 

    Okay, well I think this is crap. Not for his reason that drives people to cheat, but because he's only using this in support of male cheaters.

    Women cheat for exactly the same resons that men do! (Except that maybe men cheat a little more often for the purely sexual side of it, I would imagine)

    But you can't say that men feel unappreciated more than women in relationships, or that they are more driven to cheat because of it.

    I bet if you google "i feel unappreciated" you'll get tons of websites, many from wives or girlfriends complaining about their male counterparts.

    I mean, just give me a break. A better reason I think that men (or women) cheat is because they are attracted to something new and know they can get away with it without getting caught.

    Now look that one up. :)

  2. Cat says:
    Wed, 24th Sep 20088:52 am 

    To Jes:

    Yea, true, some women also cheat, but I think since this Neuman guy's whole argument is on male cheaters only, and he stresses that when men cheat, feeling unappreciated by their female partners is the only possible reason, it is completely unfair to women. There's no way that that is what happened in every case, and even then, the cheaters still should take responsibility.

    If someone wants to say when PEOPLE cheat, SOMETIMES it is because they don't feel appreciated by their partners, then I have no problem with it. His view is just too extreme.

  3. ela says:
    Wed, 24th Sep 200811:50 am 

    guys feel unappreciated if a guy passes him on the highway in a better/faster car, if his partner at work makes more than him, if his gf's friend is taller than him…and other ridiculous bullshit they can rationalize into pitying themselves. it doesn't have to be about his partner it's his own damn inferiority complex that manes him for for the slut at the bar bc he doesn't have anything to prove to her- for that 1 night HE.IS.THE.MANNNN. and that, coming from a primitive and realist standpoint, is what happens 9/10 times they cheat. MEN ARE SIMPLE.

  4. ela says:
    Wed, 24th Sep 200811:52 am 

    manes him for for the slut(??) = makes him go for that slut… shouldn't have had that last beer.

  5. what says:
    Wed, 24th Sep 200811:24 pm 

    Here was me thinking that women cheated more than men….. XD

    Shouldn't we be asking why anyone cheats, not just "them!"….? maybe? no?

  6. Nat says:
    Thu, 25th Sep 20082:50 pm 

    I have always thought that cheating was definitely a symptom of a problem, and not just the problem itself, but honestly? I don't buy this "unappreciated" crap… If you feel there's a problem, you use your words.

  7. jim says:
    Fri, 26th Sep 20087:04 am 

    Get your man some of these underpants http://www.numberpants.com

  8. Johnny Northwest says:
    Wed, 1st Oct 20081:24 am 

    Obviously, you haven't been in a long term relationship — may factors and variables exist to be together — friends, family, expectations, the bliss of a new person, etc.

    I divorced, and it was the best thing…after 8 years together, we didn't compliment eachother, had different goals by that time, grew apart, etc.

    I didn't cheat, we just woke up one morning, had breaksfast, and I said, "Are you up for the big D?"

    That was that — now I can go to concerts (VIP style), play pool for money, Sundays are my Fantasy Football time, drink on a Friday AND Saturday, meet lots of lovely ladies, go swimming at 3am, make my meals, ride my ride, hike ANYTIME I want, smoke a cigar! Drink WHOLE milk, get up when I want, have the WHOLE bed to myself, my own alarm clock, get out of the house, with out having to excuse myself, eat out where and what I like, go to a baseball game — OMG my life is sweet!

    Of course, in the future, when I find someone to compliment my oddities and lifestyle then — BOOM, I'll call her girl friend…but for now — It's my time :)

    Johnny : hardestworkingamerican@yahoo.com

  9. Some Guy says:
    Wed, 1st Oct 20081:40 am 

    Men and women cheat for all kinds of reasons. The only thing you really need to know is whether someone has cheated on you. If so, boot them out of your life. No second chances, no kidding.

  10. Joe says:
    Thu, 2nd Oct 20089:38 pm 

    when you're married and heavily invested in that marriage, for reasons other than "love": financial, house, kids, shared social circles, it is not easy to just wake up one day and say lets end it. Lives can be ruined. And if you're trapped in a sexless marriage, it is hard to see a way out. Cheating provides a way out, although by US standards it's pretty sleazy, but in the long view, it certainly can be a "pressure valve" that allows the marriage to continue, along with all the positive aspects it entails. The US is so puritan in its sexual mores. The Europeans are way ahead of us in this regard, and view mistresses and affairs as just a trivial part of life. whereas the US views this as a national scandal – Monica Lewinsky anyone?

    Look at how painful the McCartney divorce was.

  11. kevin norman says:
    Sat, 4th Oct 20085:30 pm 

    Well, even Allen Ginsburg said that the idea of monogamy terrified him. But for monogamous couples I think articulation is important. But even if a man escapes the seven year itch…he still has to deal with the reality of "eating ashes" when he reaches his early thirties and experiences "eating ashes" and/or "hero death". This is a time when he begins to look at his life and what he is becoming as if time is passing him by and he is longing for the earlier days in his pristine life of his "stomping grounds" when he may or may not have had casual sexual encounters. He may think that picking someone up for casual sex will somehow rejuvenate him and prove to him, that inspite of maturing through hero death years, there still is hope that his youth and best physical attributes are not wasting away. He in fact, in lue of "hero death" seeks to save himself by becoming his own hero.

  12. Rick says:
    Fri, 31st Dec 201012:23 am 

    Why do men cheat? Because we freaking let them! Hmmmm……………..I don't buy that! That would be like saying the reason women don't want to be sexually active in a relationship is because men freaking let them! I don't believe in cheating and I don't believe in quitting and I certainly don't believe in rape. So where does that leave those of us who have a partner who is just not interested in sex? Even if we had a law on the books saying one partner can't force another partner to be celebate, that doesn't do anything to increase interest……..and the only thing worst than no sex is having sex with a person who just lays there looking at the ceiling telling you it needs to be painted! The last time my other half was willing to have sex was the last Friday in Feb of 2002…………and that was a "hurry up and get it over with" event. I'm a nice guy and I try hard, and I feel like I'm being used. I haven't cheated but I'm at the point where I'd like to if for no other reason than my own mental health…………..but I keep hearing my father's voice saying, "I expect you to be a straight arrow." I think it's time to go see the "ist"……the "ist" won't be able to help the problem on the home-front, my other half tells me to get over it, but perhaps I'll be able to find out how I hooked up with the wrong person. To my father I say, "Dad, I have gone above and beyond the call of duty."

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