College Candy

Author and marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman is all over the airwaves these days; from Oprah to The Morning Show with Mike and Juliette, this guy has been spreading his message as loudly as possible. And what is his message, exactly? “One in 2.7″ (apparently there are some half man, half monkeys walking around out there…) men will cheat on their significant other, and not only will they cheat, they’ll do it because their female counterpart isn’t appreciating them.

According to Neuman, the reason men cheat isn’t because they want a hotter piece of ass or even promiscuous sex, the reason they cheat is because their wives have stopped being nice to them. “The majority [of men] said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling under-appreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures,” Neuman is quoted as saying on Oprah.com, “Men are very emotional beings. They just don’t look like that. Or they don’t seem like that. Or they don’t tell you that.”

Even though Neuman said he wrote his book to “empower women,” a lot of people are kind of pissed off with his findings. Even though the good counselor doesn’t come right out and say it’s the wives’ or girlfriends’ fault when their partner strays, saying that men cheat because they don’t feel appreciated is basically saying it’s the wives’ or girlfriends’ fault! Because who doesn’t the husband or boyfriend feel appreciated by? That’s right — his partner.

Before you start yelling about how I’m irrational or judgemental or whatever, I can understand part of what Neuman is talking about; when people feel unfulfilled in a relationship, they tend to start looking for something better. Being treated like crap (or just ignored) for a long time would make anyone fall into a stranger’s arms. But there is such a thing as communication; talking out your problems, going to counseling, asking a partner for more of their time. And then when communication doesn’t work, there is also such a thing as ending the relationship.

So, sorry, I just don’t buy the fact that men cheat because they feel unappreciated and have no way to change it. No one’s backing these dudes in a corner and telling them that cheating is the only way to regain their happiness. If you’re not content with your spouse, work hard and talk it out or break the f*ck up.

A lot of men cheat because society has given them an out — continuously telling them that they’re hot-wired to go after every pair of boobs they see. Maybe men have a different biological make-up that constitutes a higher sex drive, but most people have heard of the word self control. We hold ourselves back when we want to kill our boss or that person who cuts us off on the highway, so I’m pretty sure, if a guy really tried, he could hold back from cheating.

Gary Neuman, and all the other “writers” who want to give men yet another excuse to throw off monogamy, should probably take a second to think about what they’re doing. The more we bitch and moan about why we do bad things, the more stupid and cowardly we look.