I just started dating a guy who was in a 5 year long sexless relationship and finally broke it off (actually, the girl broke it off, but then begged to get back with him 3 weeks later and he said no). I had never heard of such a thing before, and am really fascinated by the whole phenomena. I'm trying to understand it. I guess in their case its different than the consensual no-sex described in this thread, cuz he says he tried quite often with this girl, and was rejected by her. They met through his Mom, and it seems like it was a "safe" but not a "passionate" relationship. He's really close with his Mom by the way.

Anyways, I'm dating him now, and I've kind of taken a dislike to his Mom, because I feel jealous of their close relationship and kind of territorial. I think that she knows I've been sexually active with her Son (cuz he seems to tell her everything, and used to vent to her about things not working out intimately with his last girlfriend, ugh), and I worry that she's judging me.

So, sex is definitely complicating things for us already. Buut in his last relationship, the lack of sex was a source of pain even though by year 2 he convinced himself that this was a normal thing, and in other ways they were very close and couple-y.

I dunno. I hope things work out for us and that he can separate off enough from his Mom that I don't feel like the "other woman" in the relationship. I think that our sexual bond is what is going to really facilitate that. The ultimate intimacy as someone put it above.

However.. I'm all for being responsible and waiting and anticipating sex if your doing all the other things and just waiting to get married kind of thing. Pretty fun building up of tension.

just quoting the most important quote on this link lisa…dont be fooled by him…I have 4 children after 30 years with my 'husband….guess we must have had sex at least 4 times…..his lack of interest drove me to an affair with an ex school seetheart, my children and him have made me live the rest of my life like a condemned woman. lisa- withholding sex is a form of abuse…he is abusing you as a human being…..dont let him…..he may be gay…what proof do you have that he isnt? there is lots of gay/sick men out there. I am still with 'him' under duress, had no sex for 5 years and hate him for that very reason as he holds hands/cuddles etc in company…..abusive again as he is trying to give other people the impression that he is normal….to be honest deep down I hate him. lisa think twice. jx

If you are able to completely repress the sex drive (or it's not there), something is wrong (in the poster's case, her guy suffered emotional damage that has not been resolved). There are certain parts of human physiology that we should not be able to completely eliminate.

And (not to be funny) you don't know that he's not gay, although statistically I doubt it. But married guys with children realize they're gay at 40 or 50 years of age all the time. Hell, you might meet the right woman and find your brain re-wiring itself to fit her.

But it is clear that his aversion to sex is a defense mechanism. It is not a reasoned choice. Okay, assume he freely chooses not to have sex. Would he be capable of having sex if he tried? What if you want kids?

First of all.

Defender: Hi. I’m a guy and I’m not Gay. (yet)

You have no intentions of children, marriage, want no physical relationship? Sounds like you are just keeping your mind off what you really want by staying close to a female friend.

To everybody in here claiming to be engaged in a sexless relationship, or pulling off celibacy in the most hormone driven times of your lives. I ask you, what is the true purpose of sex? Some may state the obvious with saying it is purely for procreation, others claim for the former + physical pleasure, and some as the culmination of all feelings a couple feels for each other. I personally believe the latter. What "complications" (besides the obvious pregnancy or STD) could being in a physically intimate relationship upholster? Sleeping with somebody on the first date is an obvious sign the relationship is going nowhere. But say you've been dating for a few months, maybe close to a year, the intimacy slowly grew from heavy make out sessions to everything *but* sex. If you've been together that long, learned that much about each other, why would you intentionally put a stop to the growing of your relationship?

Sex is the ULTIMATE form of expression to your partner. There is no greater way in the world to express how much you love somebody than through the peak of passion. You're cheating yourself out of the "intimacy" you claim that doesn't actually come from physical touch.

Now, to the point. My parents don't have sex. They haven't in 4 years, apparently. This came from my mother after one too many glasses of a full-bodied Pinot. Now, I was completely shocked. My parents have been married for a long, long time and they never seemed unhappy, or like a bickering couple. But the whole no-sex thing (my dad has diabetes and can't get it up anymore…He's like 55! Give him a break!) isn't good enough for my mom and she wants to continue her affair with the landscaper Desperate Housewives-style (another shocking confession I was just as *eager* to hear after about the second bottle of wine). My parents have a wonderful relationship based on trust and love and understanding and yet the fact that they don't do it anymore is leading to the inevitable Big D. So I guess, in reference to what leebee said ("If you choose to grow old with someone, sex certainly wont be the most important thing in your lives. If you get sick, sex wont keep you together. It’s the emotional connection more than a physical connection that will keep the relationship and spark going) I just have to say that this isn't true.

Oh and Lisa, I'm kind of wondering if you're actually my mom. But that's impossible.

I guess my question is: Am I selfish for expecting my mom to remain in a sexless marriage if everything else is going well? What about TIL DEATH DO YOU PART? What about that? Isn't that what happens when couples grow older? Don't they just stop having sex? I don't know…I just don't know anymore…