If you are able to completely repress the sex drive (or it’s not there), something is wrong (in the poster’s case, her guy suffered emotional damage that has not been resolved). There are certain parts of human physiology that we should not be able to completely eliminate.

And (not to be funny) you don’t know that he’s not gay, although statistically I doubt it. But married guys with children realize they’re gay at 40 or 50 years of age all the time. Hell, you might meet the right woman and find your brain re-wiring itself to fit her.

But it is clear that his aversion to sex is a defense mechanism. It is not a reasoned choice. Okay, assume he freely chooses not to have sex. Would he be capable of having sex if he tried? What if you want kids?

First of all.

Defender: Hi. I’m a guy and I’m not Gay. (yet)

You have no intentions of children, marriage, want no physical relationship? Sounds like you are just keeping your mind off what you really want by staying close to a female friend.

To everybody in here claiming to be engaged in a sexless relationship, or pulling off celibacy in the most hormone driven times of your lives. I ask you, what is the true purpose of sex? Some may state the obvious with saying it is purely for procreation, others claim for the former + physical pleasure, and some as the culmination of all feelings a couple feels for each other. I personally believe the latter. What “complications” (besides the obvious pregnancy or STD) could being in a physically intimate relationship upholster? Sleeping with somebody on the first date is an obvious sign the relationship is going nowhere. But say you’ve been dating for a few months, maybe close to a year, the intimacy slowly grew from heavy make out sessions to everything *but* sex. If you’ve been together that long, learned that much about each other, why would you intentionally put a stop to the growing of your relationship?

Sex is the ULTIMATE form of expression to your partner. There is no greater way in the world to express how much you love somebody than through the peak of passion. You’re cheating yourself out of the “intimacy” you claim that doesn’t actually come from physical touch.

Now, to the point. My parents don’t have sex. They haven’t in 4 years, apparently. This came from my mother after one too many glasses of a full-bodied Pinot. Now, I was completely shocked. My parents have been married for a long, long time and they never seemed unhappy, or like a bickering couple. But the whole no-sex thing (my dad has diabetes and can’t get it up anymore…He’s like 55! Give him a break!) isn’t good enough for my mom and she wants to continue her affair with the landscaper Desperate Housewives-style (another shocking confession I was just as *eager* to hear after about the second bottle of wine). My parents have a wonderful relationship based on trust and love and understanding and yet the fact that they don’t do it anymore is leading to the inevitable Big D. So I guess, in reference to what leebee said (“If you choose to grow old with someone, sex certainly wont be the most important thing in your lives. If you get sick, sex wont keep you together. It’s the emotional connection more than a physical connection that will keep the relationship and spark going) I just have to say that this isn’t true.

Oh and Lisa, I’m kind of wondering if you’re actually my mom. But that’s impossible.

I guess my question is: Am I selfish for expecting my mom to remain in a sexless marriage if everything else is going well? What about TIL DEATH DO YOU PART? What about that? Isn’t that what happens when couples grow older? Don’t they just stop having sex? I don’t know…I just don’t know anymore…

college is a time to explore and get all the kinks out of your system. that means if you dont do it (sex, drugs, etc etc) now, then you will likely not have the opportunity to try it again, at least without a care in the world. When life catches up with you, and you find yourself married with kids or with a time-consuming job, or some other responsibility, or god forbid in poor health, you’ll be wishing you had been more wild and crazy when you had the chance. There is plenty of time to be dull later on in life, believe me.

I came across this site randomly in my internet travels and you’re all having a very good discussion. All valid questions and insight. Thought provoking.

Personally, I’m in a sexless relationship.

From my perspective, I’ve seen many a relationship which focused on sex not turn out as well as those focused on emotional stability. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex, it’s just that it’s another level of commitment neither of us are interested in at the moment.

Our situation is a bit different, as we’re both in college and working full/part time jobs. We enjoy each others company immensely but don’t know where this transitional point in our lives will take us and I feel neither of us really want a more physical attraction that would lead to emotional strings which could affect our futures.

It also doesn’t help that I personally want no children ever nor am I interested in Marriage and I’ve made this quite clear. She does want a few kids and marraige someday so that’s also turning me off to an extent as I feel morally obligated to not lead anyone on but we still spend much of our time enjoying each others company.

I guess you can say I’m in the friend-zone but in a way I’ve placed myself there on purpose. Nobody wants emotional baggage and during transitional times in life and from past relationship experience having things change quickly and unexpectedly could have an adverse effect on each others future.

Besides, I don’t want kids and hate condoms. I’d rather not have sex than put a plastic bag over myself. May seem strange but not every guy is all about banging anything with 2 legs and a pair of breasts and take time to find people of substance. Just my opinion and from seeing many other relationships Sex is important, but it’s not the most important factor in the solid foundation of any relationship.

It’s easy to get laid (generally speaking), it’s hard to find someone to care about (with or without sex).

Just an opinion from the other side of the Genderpool.