Coca Cola: Thirst Quencher and Sperm Killer

October 3, 2008 - 11:00 am By Lauren - University of Michigan

diet-coke.jpg VS. condom_unrolled.jpg

I have been addicted to Diet Coke for years. I used to start off with a jumbo fountain D.C. on my way to class at 10 AM, followed by another one at lunch and yet another (mixed with rum) for an evening snack. There was nothing on this planet that could come between me and my beloved Diet Coke. In fact, I wasn’t sure there was any way I could love it any more.

But, dear readers, there is: it seems that not only is Diet Coke the tastiest, most delectable treat on this planet….

It is also an effective spermicide!

Oh yeah! You heard me. That stuff you have been drinking by the gallon also happens to be strong enough to kill those little impregnators. Could there be a more perfect beverage? I think not.

Sure, this fact may worry some people (”blah blah how can I put something in my body that is strong enough to kill sperm blah blah blah?), but I couldn’t be happier! Just think of the possibilities:

No need for condoms or birth control when you have a 20 ouncer in the fridge! (Note: not quite sure how one would go about using that 20 ouncer as a contraceptive….) Or better yet, Coca Cola condoms! They taste like Diet Coke (which will make me much more happy to get near ‘em) and have the same effectiveness at preventing pregnancy as a can of D.C.!

This changes everything.

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No Comments on "Coca Cola: Thirst Quencher and Sperm Killer"

  1. L says:
    Fri, 3rd Oct 200812:09 pm 

    That was actually a method used commonly back in the 70s. Not always effective because it can’t get sprayed ‘up there’ far enough to kill everything, and caused quite gnarly yeast infections. I believe girls used to shake up the cans and pop them upen so they’d shoot up in the va-jay-jay, as most didn’t plan ahead on using coke. I can just imagine; someone planning to used diet coke as a contraceptive preparing coke douches. Ick ick ick.

  2. Amber - Old Dominion says:
    Fri, 3rd Oct 20082:19 pm 

    Putting sugary soda in your vag = nasty yeast infection.

  3. beth says:
    Fri, 3rd Oct 20087:28 pm 

    …the whole point of Diet Coke is that there is no sugar…

    but still, the thought of putting that anywhere down there is DISGUSTING!

  4. Michelle says:
    Tue, 7th Oct 200810:18 pm 

    USE DIET COKE INSTEAD OF CONTRACEPTIVES!

    uh , no.

  5. Jenny says:
    Wed, 8th Oct 20085:34 pm 

    Hmmmmm. Maybe I’ll try this method this weekend.

    And who cares if I get pregnant? Everyone is doing it these days!

  6. Stephanie says:
    Thu, 9th Oct 200812:31 pm 

    …Just because it doesn’t have real sugar doesn’t mean anything.

    Spilled any diet soda lately?

    It still gets sticky..

    All those carcinogens yum.

  7. mac says:
    Fri, 10th Oct 20081:24 pm 

    just get a Vasectomy

  8. Meg says:
    Sun, 12th Oct 20084:58 pm 

    umm… they did this on mythbusters and it didn’t work.

  9. Maya says:
    Sun, 12th Oct 200810:31 pm 

    I call BS. On Mythbusters? Do they have a special late night sex episode? How would they test that in front of the camera?

  10. Jami says:
    Mon, 13th Oct 200810:19 am 

    they didn’t test on a real girl. duh.

    test tubes??

  11. T says:
    Tue, 14th Oct 20086:41 am 

    Wouldn’t the carbonation burn?

  12. Godlesscupcake says:
    Fri, 31st Oct 200811:40 pm 

    This really has to be the worst advice I’ve read recently. Also, some of the comments are even worse. Seriously Jenny, wtf? Aside from my allergies to fake sugar, I would still never drink diet coke let alone try to use it a contraceptive. Yes, diet coke is loaded with a bevy of bad chemicals and no, putting it in your vaginal canal is not a good idea!

  13. maria says:
    Tue, 3rd Feb 200912:31 pm 

    um this was a cute hilarious article! this author is not seriously suggesting you replace your trusted contraceptive method with diet coke. chillax haters!

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