Size Doesn’t Matter, But Measure Anyway!

October 7, 2008     Posted in HaHa, Sex

encentral_presentacion.jpgYou meet a guy. He’s cute, he’s charming and he makes you want to take off your clothes and jump his bones. And then – score! – he asks to come home with you. So, you finish your drink (read: chug that bitch), say goodbye to your friends (read: scream to them across the bar, “LATER, LADIES!), hail a cab and head back to your place.


By Lauren

As you fidget with the keys to your house you begin to think to yourself, this guy is too good to be true. There must be something wrong with him. Right? But what could it be? Bad in bed? Weird rash? Miniscule manhood?

Not that it matters – it’s the motion in the ocean, right? Well, now you can know exactly what you are dealing with…down there. Yes, ladies, someone has done the unthinkable: they took a condom and a ruler and put it all together into one handy dandy little (or, if you’re lucky, big) package.

Because you have always wondered if your man really was 8 inches, but never knew how to measure. (Note: breaking out a ruler while he’s asleep is never a good idea.) Because you never knew what 6 inches really looked like. Because you like to compare your conquests with those of your friends.

And because, well, it’s just sorta funny.

Not only do these condoms com with 14 inches of measuring fun (you never know when you are gonna meet Ron Jeremy), but they also come in lots of fun flavors. Papito Banana anyone?

5 Comments on "Size Doesn’t Matter, But Measure Anyway!"

  1. Ming says:
    Tue, 7th Oct 20084:22 pm 

    amazing, i really need to get some of those xD

  2. Star says:
    Tue, 7th Oct 20088:12 pm 

    That's gotta be great for a guy's self-esteem. "Wow, this condom says you're smaller than my previous boyfriends" lol

  3. Elise says:
    Thu, 9th Oct 20086:58 pm 

    Not to mention how nicely this would work the OTHER way.

    Say you get some piece of hotness in the sack, you put this sucker on him, and you discover that he's packing ten inches of pure, cervix-pounding fury. You would perhaps have a bit of advance warning, so you could avoid letting him get your ankles over his shoulders– stick to, you know, less intense positions.

    Presto! No more walking funny because your uterus is bruised!

  4. mariah says:
    Mon, 2nd Feb 20093:11 am 

    Haha these look great..but can go both ways, could be a downer for some small guys to actually know how small they are, or an upper for some guys to know how big they are…anyways great idea:)

  5. Thomas Rueberger says:
    Fri, 6th Feb 20092:42 pm 

    'Say you get some piece of hotness in the sack, you put this sucker on him, and you discover that he’s packing ten inches of pure, cervix-pounding fury. You would perhaps have a bit of advance warning, so you could avoid letting him get your ankles over his shoulders– stick to, you know, less intense positions."

    If you cant tell the difference between average and "ten inches of cervix pounding fury", you are a moron. This is like not being able to tell which is bigger a Cadillac Escalade or a Volkswagen Beetle.

    You cannot be a woman. No woman would ever talk about a penis in terms of "cervix pounding fury" at all and you sound more like a male nerd on the net who thinks he is witty.

    Seriously? Cervix pounding fury?

    They wouldnt even print that on a Porno cover.

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