How Not to Be an Idiot Like Jamie Lynn Spears

Yesterday we brought you the severely alarming news that 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is rumored to be pregnant again. If it’s true, this will be JL’s second baby bump in just four months. The teen twit gave birth to daughter Maddie Briann earlier this summer.

HOW is this possible and WHY?!

Apparently, young Jamie Lynn couldn’t keep her legs shut and earnestly believed “she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding.”

News flash, ladies: YES! You can get pregnant while breast feeding. And don’t even get me started on the possible father of this possible unborn baby.  Casey, you bastard…

If this internet speculation isn’t enough to get your man to slap on a condom, you might want to let him know about a few other ways he can knock you up, despite his best intentions.

Yup, we’ve got even more way to get preggers after the jump!

Yes, You Can Get Pregnant:

If You Don’t Have an Orgasm

Whether you got yours or not doesn’t matter for a nanosecond when it comes to baby-makin’. Pleasure (or lack of pleasure) is not birth control.

If You Pee After Sex

I had a guy say this to me one time after he “accidentally” came inside of me. Word to the wise, buddy: those are two different holes. Urinating after sex isn’t going to do anything except empty your bladder.

If You Jump Around/Sneeze/Cough After He Cums

Hoping to dislodge those pesky, swimming sperm with lotsa physical movement? Sperm are too fierce, fast and tiny for any of those methods to work. When a man ejaculates, the sperm are deposited deep into the vagina and will immediately begin to move up through the cervical canal.

If He Pulls Out

Once a guy gets aroused, he ejects pre-ejaculate fluid which can contain over 300,000 sperm! It only takes ONE to get you pregnant. There’s also the risk that he could cum near or around your vagina, making it possible for sperm to swim inside of you.

If You Double Bag It

Condoms are made and tested to provide a good fit, solid protection and maximum effectiveness.  Don’t mess with that. Encouraging your guy to wear two condoms can cause both to break.

If Your Mom/Sister/Grandma Had a Hard Time Getting Pregnant

While there are generalities regarding family history, eventually it all boils down to individual physiology. Just because the women before you had difficulty doesn’t mean you will. There are a few tests that give doctors an idea of how fertile you are, but no one can predict it 100%. Also, fertility is affected by the number of eggs you have as well as their quality. Currently, there’s no test for egg quality.

If You’re On The Pill

If you started taking oral contraceptives less than a month ago, doctors often recommend using a back-up method of birth control. In some women, one complete menstrual cycle is needed for the hormones in the pill to start working. If you’re lazy/forgetful and neglect to take your pills on a regular basis, they become drastically less effective. Set a timer to remind yourself to take the pill at the same time every day.

You Haven’t Had Your First Period Yet

Send this one to your little sister, pronto. A female can get pregnant anytime after she begins to ovulate. Most women ovulate about 14 days before their period begins (meaning a young girl could become pregnant even before has her very first period if the timing is right). And yeah, we’ve all heard some scary stories about 10 and 11-year-olds getting pregnant.

If You Drink or Douche With Enormous Quantities of Diet Coke

Remember the story we ran about Diet Coke – the New England Journal of Medicine reported the ingredients in Coca-Cola can act as a spermicide. First of all, do you really want to risk the possibility that your lunch hour beverage is preventing you from the hells of Jamie Lynn Spears? Second, douching with Coke is disgusting and irresponsible. Not only can it harm your reproductive system, it’s not possible to douche fast enough to keep sperm away from an egg. This is true for all douches (feminine deodorant, vaginal suppositories, sprays, etc.), not just cola.

During Your Period

Forget the b.s. your roommate told you about hormonal balances and the menstrual cycle. Every woman can get pregnant during her period, no matter how long or heavy the flow. On average, sperm can survive for 2-3 days inside a woman’s body, but it’s not uncommon for them to remain viable for up to 5 days. If sperm are deposited slightly before or after ovulation, they can hang around a few days waiting until conditions are right for conception.

If You Do It in a Shower or Swimming Pool

Repeat after me: Water is not a contraceptive. There’s nothing in water that can kill sperm or prevent a pregnancy from happening. Once sperm have been ejaculated into the vagina, water will not stop its mission to find an egg to fertilize.

In a Bathtub, Hot Tub and Jacuzzis

Convinced that hot water and/or chlorine will kill anything your man shoots out? Even men with a low sperm count can ejaculate 200 to 500 million healthy sperm!  Again, it only takes one to fertilize an egg. What’s more, in warm water with no chemicals (like a bath tub) sperm can survive for several minutes.

If It’s Your First Time Having Sex

Even if you’re a virgin, a woman’s chances for becoming pregnant are always the same, about 1 out of 20.   Source: Dr. Meredith Shur, East Side Women’s Ob-Gyn Associates, New York, NY.

If Your On Top or Standing Up

No, no, no. It doesn’t matter what position you do it in, how many times you do it or where the sexual activity is geographically located. Sperm can and will find you.

Condoms, ladies.  EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Wrap it up!