When Halloween Gets Straight Inappropriate
October 10, 2008 Posted in Cool Stuff, HaHa, Halloween Central

Halloween can be a great holiday; candy, being able to wear those 4-inch glitter pumps you bought for some occasion that could only be Halloween, weird-colored drinks that taste like an explosion of sugar…we could go on. Halloween is just badass.
But you know what? Halloween can also be really, really inappropriate. Inappropriate body parts shoved into spandex, inappropriate masks that scare the bejeezus out of people on the street, inappropriate dances to inappropriate song selections such as “Monster Mash” — if you’re not careful, this holiday can quickly go from good time to complete epic FAIL.
Here’s a few ways that can happen…

Lame photo montages of you in a stupid costume posing with cops. You know who else has “been handcuffed by cops!” in a photo before? EVERYONE.

Using Halloween as a chance to basically get naked in public is a sure sign that your assurance in yourself is massively inappropriate. Oh yeah, you are also a huge douche.

Halloween rule #1: You need to f*cking BE something. Running around in your underwear and knees socks and calling you and your girls “a gaggle of sluts” is pretty much grounds for immediate death.

Cheap costumes suck. Don’t be proud that you force your children into them. (Editor’s Note: Anyone who sees this child is going to have inappropriate thoughts of tea bags/tea bagging. Don’t do that to your child.)

The only thing worst than cheap costumes on kids are slutty costumes on kids. Don’t put your little girl in a short skirt. It’s f*cking cold and short skirts are for ADULTS.

Using your child as an agent of fear is worse than stuffing them in a cheap costume or a slutty costume. Babies are supposed to be cute, not scarred for life.

Over-decoration. It’s not Christmas — and even then, over-decoration is always stupid. DON’T YOU KNOW WE’RE IN AN ENERGY CRISES?

Nerdy and “ironic” couple costumes.
Nobody ever laughs at these (except behind your back).

There’s slutty, and then there’s SLUTTY.
The bold kind are the ones who get no respect. Ever. From anyone.
Please keep these things in mind as you contemplate your Halloween plans this year. Seriously, don’t make us leave our bowl of Twix Bars to drag your slutty-not-a-real-costume ass home. Thanks much.
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Stephanie says:
Fri, 10th Oct 20089:34 pm
“[...]is pretty much grounds for immidate death.”
So is spelling “immediate” wrong in an article to be published on a blogging site..
Boo says:
Fri, 10th Oct 200810:48 pm
Well if we’re picking on the spelling and grammar…
“Here’s a few ways that can happen”
Here ARE a few ways that can happen.
More than one way, plural = are, not is.
Other than falling prey to the one grammatical mistake that makes me want to tear my hair out, scream and hit things, awesome article!
The wearing of ironic couples costumes ought to be grounds for some serious punishment and why would you dress a baby up as a hideous monster?! Why!? Nature is way ahead of of you on that one.
beth says:
Sat, 11th Oct 200812:31 am
The only thing that bothered me about this blog (and it wasn’t the costumes…) was the use of “EPIC FAIL” I cannot stand that World Of Warcraft bullshit lingo is now being mainstreamed… as if it weren’t bad enough that it was used by little nerdy boys with no social lives, now I have to hear it from people I would otherwise think at least HAD a social life…
I’m sure the little geeks are rolling in their virtual graves hearing people like you using that slang.
Mary says:
Fri, 10th Oct 200811:58 pm
ooookay beth you need to chill the fuck out.
EPIC FAIL!!1!!!1!1!! LOLZ.
Kathryn S says:
Sat, 11th Oct 20089:19 am
Jesus Christ, is this a midterm essay? Dude, I pretty much peed my pants looking at these pics and reading your “rules.”
You’re right on most of the time– I must say, though you call the pizza box guy a “douche,” he is pretty smoking.
Rachel says:
Sat, 11th Oct 20081:41 pm
I think that grammar Nazis are pathetic and I’m going to be an English teacher. There are more important things to worry about. LIKE THE FACT THAT J SAID TO NOT DRESS KIDS IN CHEAP COSTUMES! How can you be such a snob? I grew up poor with homemade costumes. Halloween was still my favorite holiday. Don’t be so materialistic. DON’T YOU KNOW WE’RE IN AN ECONOMIC CRISES?
J - NYU says:
Sat, 11th Oct 20082:34 pm
I suppose spelling things wrong would be grounds for immediate death if I really cared that much about grammar.
…Which I do not.
Jacks says:
Sat, 11th Oct 20084:41 pm
I agree with Rachel’s comment about cheap costumes. Ain’t nothing wrong with saving a little cash on something you’re gonna wear once, and you are going to throw out later because it’s probably going to get wrecked that night. (‘Specially if you are an adult and you go out drinking…Halloween is the night for getting bombed.)
That being said…If I had the body of the girl on the left in the top photo I would dress like that every f**cking day.
Bunny says:
Mon, 13th Oct 20088:14 am
Is it just me or is the person dressing their kid in a tea bag just using them as an innocent and totally innapropriate place to store weed?
And i totally agree with Jacks on the gal in the top left
Bunny says:
Mon, 13th Oct 20088:17 am
also, i just want to say to Rachel – homemade costumes do not mean cheap/or shit. Although i was privelaged enough to have a well-off family, my mother still took delight in making halloween costumes for us. In fact, the homemade costumes looked better than the majority of the ones people bought!
I think J meant cheap costumes which suck. Like the tea bag.
Ellie says:
Wed, 15th Oct 20081:11 am
For one thing, I thought the tea bag costume was pretty cute and original. The child wearing the costume didn't seem to be too distressed or bewildered. Cheap costumes/homemade isn't necessarily a bad thing. I love the costumes that my mom customized or made for me back when I was a child.
Rachel, I too am a English major on the teaching route, grammar nazis are not necessarily a bad thing. Doesn't it make one lack credibilty if one were to insult or judge another and have bad grammar while doing so? Though, there were other things to nit-pick in this article, grammar not being number 1, it is still important to call attention to the grammar issues because it dulls the professionalism of this site. Especially since this is aimed towards college students, shouldn't we at least have good grammar?
Rachel says:
Wed, 15th Oct 20086:15 pm
There is NO official best Standard English. Look it up.
Rachel says:
Wed, 15th Oct 20086:18 pm
It is not that grammar is entirely unimportant. It is just trivial compared to other components of language arts.
holly says:
Thu, 16th Oct 20085:35 am
I don't get what's so wrong about the tea bag girl? I thought it was a cute, cheap, innovative + different costume! It's not like it's a white sheet with two hols cut for the eyes.
anon says:
Mon, 20th Oct 20081:50 pm
re: Rachel
Pssht. Some effective English teacher you'll be. Save our kids a lot of grief and embarrassment in their adult lives and become something else instead.
There's no excuse for any sort of writer (be it a journalist for the New York Times or a blogger for this site) to be complacent about their technical correctness.
El B says:
Mon, 20th Oct 20085:35 pm
I'm willing to respect (bold) SLUTTY… at least for as long as it takes.
Ali says:
Mon, 20th Oct 20088:45 pm
Ahaha, I totally thought that the tea-bag kid was a bag of weed until I scrolled down a bit. Either way, love it.
Also pizza boy is fantastic. First prize.
However, generally agree that halloween is just a little too much of a slutarama. But hey, when they pop out of their tops on the dance floor, I still laugh.
Ant says:
Thu, 17th Dec 20095:12 pm
Love the kid with the chestburster from the Alien series.
Leah says:
Wed, 13th Oct 20106:30 am
I don't think home made costumes are bad at all since most of the time a home made costume done right turns out really creative. The bag of tea costume was a cute idea in theory but no in execution. And if i were that baby with the alien bursting out of it i would have that exact same expression.
And i don't get why every woman's costume needs to be slutty. I would rather see something original or creative over someone without a costume who's just being 'a gaggle of hoes'.
And yes, i think that guy with the pizza box costume is a douche. Or any costumes having to do with the gynecologist.
Becca says:
Wed, 2nd Mar 201110:40 pm
Hahaha!!!!! That was hilarious great article i totally agree & who the f##k cares about grammer n e ways halloween is an excuse 4 all these whorebags to dress up like whorebags as 4 the tramp who said if she had a body like the other tramp in the photo she would dress like that everyday “ur so pathetic & jealous only jealous people r liars & kiss a## with the wrong people ur one of the reasons these tramps continue dressing & acting like free hookers haha ok thats all i gotta say
?????????? says:
Mon, 16th Jan 20125:29 pm
I think that the comments are more innapropriate than the costmes, of course not too many people under the age of 14 are going to see this….. but come on!!!!!!!!! I also agree with the EPIC FAIL idea. If this is going to be an actual sucessful blog I suggest not spelling words wrong, using slang, annoying little faces such as (: ….. LOL……. EPIC FAIL……. you get it. I just hate that computer slang. You don't have to pay by letter anymore. I hate how not caring is cool.