Your Ex and His Next: How to Deal

Getting over a guy can be tough, especially if he ended things before you were ready to end them. It’s hard enough to try to slip back into the single lifestyle and get over the boy who hurt you when the breakup cuts all of your ties; however, it’s even more difficult when you do see your ex…and harder still to see him with his next.

By Kathryn S

When a guy moves on before you do, it can be tempting to cry, throw things, or scream like a banshee, but none of those things will make your man come back to you. If you handle the situation like an adult, you will find yourself on a much smoother road to recovery, and you will maintain your dignity along the way.

1. Don’t Avoid the Situation

You go to a party, feeling single and ready to mingle, and then you see them, canoodling on the couch. Your first instinct might be to leave the party in tears and spend the rest of the weekend in bed, sobbing into your pillow. Likewise, if you and your ex shared a group of friends, you might try to avoid social situations where you might run into them. In either scenario, you’ll make getting over him even more difficult, because you’ll be missing out. Who knows? The party you fled might have been one of the greatest nights in your college career. Tough it out, and try to have a good time.

2. Do Feel Good About Yourself

If your breakup sends you spiraling into a depression that consists of sweatpants and hair that hasn’t been washed in four days, running into them will make you feel bad on so many levels. So you aren’t together any more — no reason to neglect your personal hygiene. So you don’t have a dinner date with him on Friday — doesn’t mean you can’t dress up in a fun, flirty number and hit the town. If you feel good about how you look, you’ll feel better emotionally. And you’ll feel great about running into them while you look absolutely fabulous. He might not know what he’s missing, but you sure do! Besides, looking and feeling good will send out signals to the pool of single men on campus, one of whom might be your next boyfriend.

3. Don’t Hate Her

Girls love to hate girls, especially girls they don’t know. Especially girls they don’t know who are dating the men they want. Be the bigger person. If you run into them on campus on the way to class, look her in the eye and say, “It’s nice to meet you.” If you and he share the same circle of friends, try to get to know her when you are all hanging out. You will impress your friends and your ex by handling the situation so maturely, and you might actually grow to like the girl. If you can see some of the good qualities in her that he sees, it will be easier for you to let him go, because you won’t be bitching about her to your girlfriends and asking, “How could he date her after me?”

4. Do Be Happy For Him

Being dumped is a hard blow to the ego. But we’re young right? Out of all of the relationships we have in college, only one (if any) is really going to last. Try to stay positive! If you see that he’s moved on, don’t take it personally. It was bound to happen for him, and it’s bound to happen for you, eventually. If you curse his newfound happiness, you’re going to stay miserable. However, if you try to be happy for him, you won’t waste as many precious moments brooding over his moving on, thus freeing yourself up for your own rebound.

5. Don’t Force Yourself to Look Happier Than He Is

If you know you’re going to run into them, you might want to appear as if you’re doing just fine without him. In fact, you want him to think you’re better off! If you are doing fine without him, or if you are better off, that’s fine, but you don’t have to go out of your way to convey that. Trying to show off or make him jealous won’t work. He probably won’t notice, he probably won’t get jealous, and you’ll look like a fool.

If you see them at a party, grabbing the guy pumping the keg and sticking your tongue down his throat won’t give your ex the same twinge of jealousy that you feel when you see him holding her hand. Realizing that will hurt even more. The bottom line is that if he’s moved on before you, you’re no longer his number one priority, and you have to accept that. You can do so with grace and dignity, or you can do so with rage and vengeance. Do you want to go down as the psycho ex, or the really cool girl he used to date?

[photo from www.asdfing.com]