Halloween Costumes No Child Should Ever Wear

By Candy

We’ve reached the mid-way mark of October, and that means that we at CollegeCandy are really psyched for Halloween. We’re definitely still pondering what to wear on the 31st, but when it comes to children’s costumes, there are a few get-ups we’d rather not see prowling the streets.

The following is a list of Halloween costumes for children to avoid, containing several funny, inappropriate, and unsafe outfits we’d rather not see on our younger siblings and babysitting charges.

1. Pinocchio with Strings

A Pinocchio costume is all well and good, but the strings on this thing look really unsafe. Can you imagine this kid running around all hopped up on chocolate in the dark? That sh*t is gonna get tangled. And based on this photo, I don’t know what these strings are suspended from–maybe the kid’s chaperone is supposed to hold them? Putting your kid on a leash for Halloween. Nice.

2. Corpse Bride

This costume sort of looks like Lindsay Lohan’s “ex-wife” costume from Mean Girls. But what’s truly frightening here is dressing up your little sis as a sexualized, virginal corpse. Not so hot.

3. Austin Powers

I’ll definitely admit, when I first saw this costume I laughed my ass off. You can almost hear this kid snarling, “Yeeeah, baby!” But in order for him to pull off The Spy Who Shagged Me with charm, he’d have to know a thing or two about mojo. Maybe it’s best if we let boys be boys for now, since we all know the guys will start pimpin’ sooner or later…but hopefully not before they outgrow their Huggies.

4. Tween Pink Leopard Dress Costume

Ugh. There are SO many things wrong with this outfit. I wouldn’t wear it as a 20-year-old woman, much less a preteen girl. If you take off those ears, this poor child looks nothing less than a prostitute. Let’s see… ho collar? Check. Cheezy pink leopard print? Check. Lingerie gauze? Check. Slutty pleather miniskirt? Check. Revealed navel? Check. Hooker heels? CHECK. How did that old Ludacris song go? Oh yeah: YOU’S A HO.

5. Native American

Maybe this is just me, but I think this costume is really racist. It’s one thing if you want to dress up like Pocahontas, but it’s entirely another if you’re just a Native American. Would it be funny if a Native American child dressed up as a Colonial? My mother grew up just down the road from a Native American reservation, and I know costumes like this wouldn’t fly back in her hometown.

6. A Toilet

Seriously, you are asking for your kid to get a few swirlies with his Starbursts if you dress him in this. Flush this idea, people. Flush it down.

[Seen any other horrifying children's costumes this year? Let us know!!]