Relationships Make You Fat, Then Skinny, Then Fat, Then Skinny…

According to a recent study in the UK, the weight of a woman will fluctuate in stages over the course of her relationship.

I know what you are thinking: who needs a study to figure this out? I agree, ladies, and so do my fat jeans.

But while we all know how quickly we turn to ice cream when our BF breaks up with us, I don’t think anyone has really given much thought to the many stages of a college relationship and how they affect our bodies.

Mostly, by making us fat.

The following are typical gains and losses over the course of a rather tumultuous college relationship. Weigh in (haha) on what makes you fluctu-weight. (See what I did there? Yeah, I’m good.):

Lose 5 pounds when we first meet the man – after that one-nighter in the bathroom we want to make sure we are hot enough to keep him from doing that with anyone else.

Gain 5 pounds back when the boy starts sleeping over and we know he’s all ours.

Gain another 5 pounds (in cake) when we find out that man has indeed taken another girl to the bathroom our special place.

Lose 15 pounds due to too-depressed-to-eat syndrome/”Just wait until he sees me now!”

Gain 5 pounds back when we realize how hungry we are from all that “make him jealous” dieting.

Stay the same for awhile as he grovels… and we take him back.

Lose 5 pounds from all that make up sex.

Gain 5 pounds from all the treats he gets for us for Valentine’s Day, Sweetest Day, or just because “I knew these were your favorite.”

Gain another 10 when someone IMs us and tells us that some skank just posted pics making out with our boyfriend and we are forced to mend our broken heart with beer, breadsticks and the cookies our mom sent us in that care package.

Lose 5 pounds when we find a rebound guy and the whole process starts all over again.