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Relationships Make You Fat, Then Skinny, Then Fat, Then Skinny…
October 16, 2008 Posted in Relationships
According to a recent study in the UK, the weight of a woman will fluctuate in stages over the course of her relationship.
I know what you are thinking: who needs a study to figure this out? I agree, ladies, and so do my fat jeans.
But while we all know how quickly we turn to ice cream when our BF breaks up with us, I don’t think anyone has really given much thought to the many stages of a college relationship and how they affect our bodies.
Mostly, by making us fat.
The following are typical gains and losses over the course of a rather tumultuous college relationship. Weigh in (haha) on what makes you fluctu-weight. (See what I did there? Yeah, I’m good.):
Lose 5 pounds when we first meet the man – after that one-nighter in the bathroom we want to make sure we are hot enough to keep him from doing that with anyone else.
Gain 5 pounds back when the boy starts sleeping over and we know he’s all ours.
Gain another 5 pounds (in cake) when we find out that man has indeed taken another girl to the bathroom our special place.
Lose 15 pounds due to too-depressed-to-eat syndrome/”Just wait until he sees me now!”
Gain 5 pounds back when we realize how hungry we are from all that “make him jealous” dieting.
Stay the same for awhile as he grovels… and we take him back.
Lose 5 pounds from all that make up sex.
Gain 5 pounds from all the treats he gets for us for Valentine’s Day, Sweetest Day, or just because “I knew these were your favorite.”
Gain another 10 when someone IMs us and tells us that some skank just posted pics making out with our boyfriend and we are forced to mend our broken heart with beer, breadsticks and the cookies our mom sent us in that care package.
Lose 5 pounds when we find a rebound guy and the whole process starts all over again.
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Brittney says:
Thu, 16th Oct 20082:02 pm
I find it a little bothersome how this is the second article I've read this week with the photo of an extremely obese woman with unflattering clothes while the article is about relationships.
Way to go with enhancing stereotypes.
And because, you know, this woman is FUNNY because she's fat. Not at all inappropriate.
Katie says:
Thu, 16th Oct 20083:42 pm
I have to agree with Brittney. I thought the same thing both times.
Chubbychaser says:
Thu, 16th Oct 200810:35 pm
I'll bet Brittney and Katie are fat and bitter because that picture IS funny. It's not my fault this woman is fat. Look at the look on her face! This photo is destined for laughs! Nice camel-toe and bangs lady.
ela says:
Thu, 16th Oct 200810:36 pm
solution: don't date manchildren and avoid relationships in college at all costs.
something to think about: the picture of this woman is obviously not candid. therefore, she has willingly put herself in a position where stereotypes apply by posing this way. we now have the right to exploit that by power of google image search. whatevs!
A.D. says:
Fri, 17th Oct 20085:39 pm
Not every lady is dumb enough to date a douchebag in college.
I promise.
Jenn says:
Fri, 17th Oct 20086:31 pm
I really don't think the picture chosen is that big of a deal. I agree with Ela. The women is obviously posing for the picture…it would be a different story if it was a candid shot.
beth says:
Sat, 18th Oct 20088:11 am
HAHA this article is way too true… Here's my version…
Drop 5 lbs while dating.. you know… all the sex haha
drop 15 because you're too busy planning the wedding in 5 weeks to eat… (and accidentally get scary skinny because I was at my normal healthy weight to begin with… oops!) PS no, It wasn't a shot gun wedding…
Gain 10 lbs back because you can finally eat again…
gain 5 more pounds because unlike your mom, you don't want to cook every night
gain 5 more pounds because your new hubby keeps trying to feed you crap off of his plate…
lost 7 lbs on south beach diet because you don't want to weigh more than your normal weight!
gain that 7 lbs back the second you eat a carb after being on the south beach diet…
Say "fuck it" and happily go on at 5-7 lbs heavier than your normal weight because, hell, he's gained weight too!! Besides, it's winter and you can wear hoodies
Samm says:
Sat, 18th Oct 20083:17 pm
That picture does it all. LMAO. Fat fucks should die or get thrown in the ocean. There's no fuckin excuse for being fat except laziness and gluttony. Stop trying to justify your obesity you fat fucks. Take care of your body and hit the gym for fucks sake, shit….
Marie says:
Sun, 19th Oct 20089:21 am
Samm…
I usually don't say this, but you're a huge bitch.
lose15pounds says:
Sat, 23rd Oct 20108:45 pm
Wow.. the picture really made my day, and it such a interesting post. I have bookmarked and shared your post to my friends and followers on facebook and twitter.
http://www.squidoo.com/Lets-lose-15-pounds