We’ve All Been There: The Drunk Email

By Lauren

[It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share. No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you.

So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

The Drunk Email:

The boy you love just broke your heart, so your girlfriends decide that drinking is in order. Because nothing numbs the pain quite like a few shots of SoCo. Together with your roommates, you pick out a super hot outfit (consisting of some combination of low cut top/push up bra), take a few pre-gaming shots and head out the door to either “show him what he’s missing,” or “forget about that prick.”

The night is perfect: you dance, you drink (a lot), and you even find a cute boy to flirt with in the corner.

Then, obvi, the relentless craving for breadsticks and marinara takes over and you and the girls head home for the Late Night Special from your favorite pizza place.

You make your way to your room to change before the food arrives and are suddenly reminded of just how depressed you are. Why doesn’t he love me? you ask yourself. What is wrong with me? Maybe if I just send him an email and tell him how I feel he will change his mind and want to be with me.

You sit down at your desk.

You turn on John Hiatt’s, “Have a Little Faith in Me,” or one of the emo O.C. Soundtracks.

You open your email, hoping deep down inside that he has already sent you one. He hasn’t. You begin to write your own:

i dont know why you hate meeeee. i lobve yoiu. i want to eat breadsticlks but im too sad czu i love you.

At this point the pizza has arrived and your roommates storm into your room, pizza box in hand, to find you weeping silently over your laptop as you type away. Snot is dripping from your nose and you wipe it with your bare arm. You keep typing and crying and really connecting with the sad lyrics blaring out of your iPod speakers.

If you are lucky, your roommates get to you before you hit the send button. If you are not lucky, it is only a few hours until the email is opened and your dignity is lost. And pizza sauce gets all over your keyboard. And more SoCo shots are in order.

We’ve all been there, honey. Thank God Google is working to prevent this in the future.

Come back next week for more moments of misery that we can all share. Like all those times you promised and swore to God that you would never. drink. again.