Proceed with Caution: Friends to Lovers

November 2, 2008 12:00 pm     Posted in Reality  Erica - Kent State University g+ page

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By Erica

A few weeks ago, while hanging out with a guy friend I met seven years ago when I was a younger (and skinnier) version of myself, something unpredictable happened to me. The guy is great: he has a super-sweet taste in music, a killer style and an overall hilarious personality. Basically, the male version of me.

Anyways, we were hanging out and I realized that every time I have hung out with him lately I have found myself imagining him naked. In my bed. Kissing my neck. Which made me realize that maybe my feelings for him weren’t quite so platonic anymore…

I started to contemplate ways that I could take our friendship to the next level, which meant that I didn’t just want to hook up with him (though that part was nice), but instead, I wanted to, like, turn this dude –my life-long pal- into my BF.

Let’s just say it’s been a few weeks since the initial breaking-of-the-ice-first-awkward-kiss-after- seven-years-of-friendship, and said dude is STILL not my BF. (Yeah, it didn’t turn out so well for me.) So, I decided that in order to prevent other lovely CC readers from committing the same embarrassing atrocities, I would share several Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to taking friendship to the next level, all from my personal experience (and humiliation).

First:

DO understand that if he doesn’t like you in that way or find you attractive, nothing I or anyone else can tell you will change a thing.

DON’T let that hold you back from telling someone you really care about your true feelings. If they’re worth the risk, you’ll know it

DO sit down and talk to him about your feelings. Keep it short and sweet. You’ll be able to gauge by his response what he feels in return.

DON’T get drunk and text/call/e-mail or even talk to him in person while you are intoxicated. Things just get blown way out of proportion when you’re wasted and you might end up spilling the beans about your fantasies of growing old and wrinkly together. NOT GOOD.

Next, if he does feel similarly:

DO take things slow. Like, extremely slow. Like, so slow that the wait for George Dubya to leave office won’t seem so excruciatingly long…and painful.

DON’T jump right into the sack with him after a night out on the town. Or right after gushing about how attractive/smart/original/amazing he is. HOLD BACK. You don’t want to scare him off, and you don’t want to wake up with some serious regret. This is a time to invest in one of these babies.

DO realize that adding the romantic element to your friendship might seem a little…awkward at first. Up until the magical moment the stars finally aligned and you two decided to give the whole relationship thing a go, you had probably joked/farted/made fools out of yourselves in front of each other. You gotta decide what – if anything – needs to change now that you’re luvahs.

DON’T get discouraged if things are weird for awhile. They are in every relationship.

Finally:

DO realize that it is extremely possible that you might lose a good, trusted friend and look like a fool (i.e. me) Trust your instincts because they are almost always right.

DON’T waste time on him if he is a jerk about the situation. If he is too immature to handle this then he was obviously not a good friend to begin with. Let someone else deal with his immaturity.

11 Comments on "Proceed with Caution: Friends to Lovers"

  1. tilly says:
    Sun, 2nd Nov 20088:50 am 

    I am going through the same thing right now…except i still have no idea how to tell him. and hes extremely dense, even for a guy, so flirting isnt really getting the message across.

  2. MeToo says:
    Sun, 2nd Nov 20089:43 am 

    I'm going through the same thing too, only I was stupid enough to only talk about it when we were drunk… and now things are weird. I only wish I would've read this like 4 months ago.. haha.

  3. Maggie says:
    Sun, 2nd Nov 20089:57 am 

    Omg, this article is very very true. I drunk called my best guy friend to tell him that I was interested in him. He was very immature about the whole thing and proved to be a terrible friend. I will regret everything that I did for a long time, but the whole experience was very eye-opening.

    Oh, and another tip that might be useful: DO listen to what trusted friends have to say about your situation. From experience, they're usually right.

  4. Ashley says:
    Sun, 2nd Nov 200810:30 am 

    Ugh, I'm going through this too and it sucks! I've known this guy for a year and he's always been my funny geeky friend, but now the wool's been removed from my eyes and I finally realize he is my perfect type (tall, thin, dark shaggy hair). However, it seems all these new chicks have also realized this. Girls are throwing them selves at him! Luckily, he has NO game whatsoever, so that's my one saving grace… even though, I really don't want to ruin our friendship if he doesn't feel the same, so I'll probably keep my mouth shut.

  5. A says:
    Sun, 2nd Nov 20081:26 pm 

    I'm totally in love with one of my best guys friends, but I'd rather keep him as my friend than risk losing him if I ever told him how I actually feel. He doesn't know how much it kills me when he talks to me about other girls, but if it's the only way I can make sure he'll always remain a part of my life, I'd like to keep things the way they are. He's still awkward and clueless around girls, so he wouldn't realize I was flirting with him unless I put a sign on my forehead for him to get it. :P

  6. Nik says:
    Sun, 2nd Nov 20086:29 pm 

    I lost 2 of my best friends this summer for this reason. One wanted to date me and I said no because I didn't feel the same. The other I wanted to date and had feelings for. He completely took advantage of the fact that I liked him and used me.

    The worst thing was realizing that not only was my heart broken, but the person I would normally turn to to talk about it was the one who did it.

  7. ee says:
    Sat, 8th Nov 200810:17 pm 

    Last year I was really, really into this guy who ended up being like my best (guy) friend. He sort of seemed to know the entire time, but I wasn't totally sure. I didn't find out until near the end of the school year that he had been hooking up with this girl-everyone had told me they were just really good friends. But when he told me about her, it was because he had broken up with her.

    Anyway, around that time we started becoming really close friends. On the night of graduation, we hung out as just the two of us for the first time. I wanted nothing more than to finally hook up with him- all of my friends told me that they thought we'd be perfect together, and that he seemed to like me.

    Nothing happened that night, or the next time we hung out either.

    Then during senior week, we hung out a few times. Alone. We were both drunk. He kissed my cheek and told me I was cute, but I was caught off guard and didn't know how to respond, so I just didn't.

    Finally, during like the last two weeks of summer we hooked up while we were drunk in a hot tub. I was really nervous afterward that it might have ruined our friendship, but afterward (he was visiting me out of state, so he was staying at my house) we just acted like nothing happened.

    I'm glad we finally kissed, because it was seriously driving me crazy (especially because one of my friends pointed out that if he knew I liked him, and he kept leading me on without intending to reciprocate, it just made him an asshole), but I'm even more glad that we're still friends. Somehow everything worked out!

  8. kat h says:
    Wed, 12th Nov 20088:01 am 

    this happened to me like, a month ago, but were an item now. I'd say if you're sure of your feelings always go for it and tell him – you could end up very happy like me, although the 'take it slow' thing just wasnt working for either of us tbh…

  9. kitty says:
    Thu, 13th Nov 20089:07 am 

    aww, sad. sorry it didn't work out. i just moved in with my best friend of 8 years. 8 years folks! we had chemistry when we first met but both of us were involved with others. over the years we grew closer as friends and he graced my "5 people i'd take a bullet for" list. we eventually were separated by a few states but still visited each other frequently, annoying our other halves. i just never wanted to lose his friendship. on the last visit he told me how he felt about me which was spot on with my feelings. he ditched his girlfriend and i moved 900 miles to be with him. 1st 2 months were WEIRD but that's over and we are ridiculously happy. and he's a great lover. and we're even closer now. and yes, it's kind of disgusting :)

  10. L says:
    Sun, 23rd Nov 20081:53 pm 

    Been through it, didn't take it slow! He had said he liked me, but after we did hook up I asked if it was going anywhere relationship-wise, he said "what does it matter?" :

    After a few months of messy friendship I finally gave up on him as even a friend.

  11. S says:
    Mon, 24th Nov 20084:50 pm 

    Yeah, this helps sooooo much.

    I've always had feelings for my best guy friend. And I think he might be starting to feel the same way, but I really don't want to lose him as a friend by talking about it. So yeah, I feel better about it now (:

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