The Hills: TEQUILA!!

By Lauren

Well, tonight’s episode of The Hills definitely made up for last week’s lackluster performance. Big things happened! Audrina moved out! Heidi got drunk! And then she got fired!

OMFG it’s like drama overload.

Ok, breathe, Lauren. Let’s start from the beginning.

So, Audrina decides she wants to move out of the house and – poof! – she finds a place. And not just any place; a beautiful, huge, brand new place. What luck?! I mean, I spent 2 months looking for an apartment in NY before I found one…that was in Queens…and I shared with a girl who got drunk and ate in the bathroom and another girl who abused Ambien. Did I mention the lack of A/C?

But Audrina finds a beautiful house and buys it with all that money she makes as an assistant. At first I was happy for her to finally be getting out of the LC and Lo Love Pad, until I realized that she bought it for Justin Bobby. I bought a Green Day CD for the boy I loved once and that was the biggest regret of my life (and he didn’t wear a cut off denim shirt/dirty beanies); I just hope Audrina didn’t make the worst financial mistake of her lifetime.

I just wish I could smack that girl around and make her see that a house with lots of candles and white flowy sh*t is not going to get that boy to commit. He likes to speak in riddles and sound intelligent when he’s really just dumb. HE IS NOT GOING TO COMMIT TO YOU.

While Audrina was out house hunting (and LC was crying to Whitney about losing another roommate), Heidi was busy getting sh*tfaced at work. Obviously the girl was gonna get hammered off of two drinks – she hasn’t eaten in 4 years. What isn’t so obvious is why she thought it was a good idea to get drunk at work after pissing her boss off the last time he was around.

“Hm,” she thinks to herself. “I’m already on his bad side, so I totally have to impress him….I’m gonna invite my douchey boyfriend to the party. That I am working at. The most important party ever for this company. But that’s not all; I will also invite Audrina and her sister with the tat sleeves and THEN I am gonna get drunk on top of that! This will surely do the trick! Promotion!”

Looks like that one backfired, Heidi. Too bad your boyfriend ruins everything; he took you away from your friends, your family and now your job. What’s next? Your Botox specialist? Your personal shopper at Neimans? When will you learn, Heidi Montag? WHEN?