Think about it. All your incessant seductions is probably taking the thrill out of the chase for your boyfriend. All guys love to feel like they’ve accomplished something when they have sex with girls.

Just for you girls that have boyfriends kind of in a sexual slump. I was in that position about 2 years ago with my ex. I don’t know how to describe how I felt other than just as a complete loss of any sexual desire.. I don’t know. I’d become fairly depressed and my libido seemed to suffer on account of it. The arguments I got into with my girl didn’t help at all either. I loved her dearly and we still kissed and were very close physically (even shared a bed- I usually slept holding her, so I wasn’t even trying to avoid her) but I just didn’t feel it.

I didn’t really get over it until I forced a lifestyle change. I guess I’d gotten stuck in a rut. I’ve had trouble struggling with depression a few times over the years and that was one of them. I don’t know if depression could be causing your guys’ problems but you all describe men who once were very attentive lovers and now they’ve lost their drive. What Jenn says sounds like he might be having some hard thoughts about the relationship but he could be depressed as well.. Hopefully my take on why I feel that I’d ended up feeling that way could give you some insight as to why your men aren’t doing so well.

Depression is a serious thing. It can have an impact on a lot of your body, even your immune system. The missing libido makes me think that this might be the problem. Overcoming depression is going to take a lifestyle change, therapy, medicine.. there’s a lot of ways to go about it but if you all truly love your partners the advice on how to talk to him given in the article is good advice. Communication is key. It takes a lot of work to overcome depression that hits this deep, if it’s the cause. Best I can say is to be patient and understanding, he still loves you.

Unfortunately, guys get bored really easily when you’re too available. They ALWAYS need to be challenged, or else they won’t appreciate you for the sex goddess you are!

Hope it helps.

1) really make a serious (and *open-minded*) study of what he likes, or may like. Most guys really don’t know –or aren’t willing to admit- the full range of what can take their breath away –there are a *lot* of options- so this may require a lot of experimentation, watching his fave porn together, discussion of fantasies, etc. Darn..

2) also look into what he may really dislike or set him off in a negative way. We all have our little quirks. He may well not want to tell you some thing you do/have done that kinda turns him off, because he loves you and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, or because he doesn’t want to be a whiner. Or maybe he doesn’t even know… just don’t use an interrogation light.

Pillow talk about his happiest and least happy past experiences can be a useful start (and fun).

3) (very gently) explore whether he’s open to occasionally getting you off without intercourse. I personally love to see a hottie (especially mine) having an orgasm. Is he good with his fingers or his mouth? I’ve been known to walk up behind her while she’s on the phone or something, reach into her pants and get her off, just because..

4) theres this thing called “the bunny”.. from what I understand, every woman should know about them. Try http://www.goodvibes.com//

For really advanced cases, theres the Sybian.. Women have been known to become addicted.. on the other hand, walking in on a naked girl halfway to an orgasm can lead to other things..

5) if you are open to it, theres the poly option. As in polyamory. A google search will turn up a zillion sites about it, including local networking sites. Its not for everyone, but it makes some people *very* happy..

above all, don’t approach any of this like you’re fixing your broken boyfriend whos sexually inadequate. joyfully exploring your inner perv works much better..

Lauren, I feel like we are living parallel lives! I swear…I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half too. Our sex life started slowing in the summer. He’s older, we’re both simmilarly experienced, but he only likes sex max 2 times a week. I admit that I have also made passive aggressive remarks to him, but I was upset by the perceived shutdown. I think that what you’re doing (Lauren) is an awesome idea!

Have you had long conversations about it before? What other areas are suffering? I’ve noticed that I’ve been more snappy. My boyfriend is also in a bad place right now, so sometimes I just don’t know if I can take the relationship, but at least we can usually talk things out. He told me that the remarks make him not want to have sex even more, but I explained that I have needs too and asked him how he thinks I feel when he acts in a certain way about sex. We have decided to both try and change our behavior. I’ve settled for twice a week…unless I really can’t handle it. Even the twice a week thing threw him off. He said “it shouldn’t be planned like that” But if it’s not planned, I feel like it won’t happen. I don’t know what to do. Can someone else please chime in?

I agree with the time apart thing. Maybe I’ll try that? Not sure at all.