Sexy Time: Can I Get Yo’ Numba?

[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]

I’m a complete sucker for guys that ask for my number. No matter how creepy or sleazy they are, I hand it over every time. It’s not that I’m actually interested in these guys – I almost always give out my number with the intention of never ever talking to him again. So why do I even bother handing my number out to total strangers?

First of all, I feel bad turning people down, especially if they have the balls to come up and ask for my number. Second of all, I am way too slow to think of a viable excuse on the spot. I get all flustered and red and end up handing it over to save myself the embarrassment.

That is why I have compiled a list of the best excuses to get out of a bad number situation. Don’t worry, you can thank me later….like when you no longer get woken up by “Hey sexy” text messages from that suit salesman you met on the subway.

1. The “no excuse” excuse. As in, complete honesty. I would go on but I feel like the girls gutsy enough to pull this off don’t really need to read an article about excuses.

2. The “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that…” excuse. This one functions as the default excuse for many of us. Just be sure that he can’t do a background check and find out you’re lying. There’s nothing more embarrassing than looking like the “pathetic” girl that lies about being in a relationship.

3. The “I broke/lost/ate my phone” excuse. You should probably use this excuse as an absolute last resort. I’m talking a word vomit situation – never aim to use this one on purpose. Once a guy told me that he dropped his phone off a building and that’s why he didn’t call me. I promise you, even the dumbest human beings can spot that bulls*it from a mile away.

4. The switcheroo aka the “Let me get yours instead…”. This one is pretty ballsy, as you take the risk of looking like a complete bitch when you don’t call. If this guy is a complete rando and there is no way in hell you’ll ever see him again (i.e. he lives in a different state/country) this may be a good option. And even if he lives right up the street, well, frankly, I’d rather come off as a bitch than have to ignore the guy’s calls for the next three months.

5. The “Aww, you’re gonna have to work harder than that…” Sadly enough, this is my signature excuse of choice. When a creeper asks for my number, I act nauseatingly mysterious and tell him that I don’t give my number to just anybody (completely untrue). Unfortunately, this one does have a tendency to backfire, as a true creeper will do anything short of stalking to get a girl’s number. Proceed with caution.

6. The “I just don’t give it out” excuse. Graciously used by Yvonne in the “Can I get your number?” MadTV skit (if you haven’t seen it do so immediately!), this excuse is the closest to honesty as you can get. It’s plain and simple – “I just don’t like giving out my number…to complete creepers like you.”