Gossip Girl Recap: Thanksgiving Dinner- Enough Time for Pie, Coffee, and Surveying the Damage

You know, I didn’t really think there was a substantial amount of damage to survey this Thanksgiving on the Upper-East Side. In fact, tonight’s Gossip Girl episode was more like a slice of pumpkin pie than a carving station. Even Nate’s dad getting handcuffed and taken to jail was quite the heartfelt moment, as far as FBI’s most wanted list goes. Oops, did I just ruin that plotline for you?

Early in the episode, Little J. is surprised that her parents have to be notified when she tries to emancipate herself from them. Did you think you could be free and still ask Rufus for allowance every so often, Jenny?

After discovering J’s been hiding out with Eric for a week (and even slipping under Lily’s radar), Mrs. Bass tells Rufus she will “arrange a meeting” between him and his daughter… after Thanksgiving. Wow, how cordial of her. Of course, once Lily finds the emancipation files in Jenny’s bag, she simply has to invite Rufus and Dan to Thanksgiving to reunite the family… which should call for major Dramz to go down, but, surprisingly, it really doesn’t.

On the Serena front, S. is having trouble being in an open relationship with Aaron. But never fear, S.! He quickly confesses that he is ready to commit to one woman (because that’s how all guys work when they can have their milk for free and their choice of cows, right?), but there’s a catch. He wants a sober girlfriend. Ha! If I had a nickel for every man I lost to alcohol, I’d be a Waldorf.

Cue Dan-Humphrey-random-babbling scene. You know, I love this show, but every week Dan really gets under my skin. Why does he feel a need to tell Serena’s new boyfriend all about his Thanksgiving with her last year? Even better, why bring up the easily-forgotten Georgina plotline? Seriously, Dan. SHUT UP. That’s what I yelled at my television tonight. I liked it better when I was getting vocal about some steamy Chuck and Blair action.

Back to Serena: Yes, Blake Lively is hot. Yes, I would sell my organs to look like her. But the dress she decides to wear to her family Thanksgiving? More like something Blair would wear onstage at a burlesque, though S. does get snaps for following the color scheme of a New York autumn.

So this is how the episode plays out all night long. Rufus isn’t even that mad that J. wanted to emancipate herself, and she decides to forget that whole thing. Vanessa and Chuck team up to help Nate after V. is approached by an FBI agent. Nate convinces Mr. Archibald to turn himself in, and he’s taken away by the 5-0 while Nate’s mom sobs- her dreams of hiding out in the Dominican are officially crushed. And Blair throws a hissy fit when she finds out Syrus proposed to her mom.

This should be the moment when colored drinks fly on white dresses. Instead, Blair and Jenny have a heart to heart, Eleanor Waldorf and Jenny have a brief moment, Blair’s dad shows up for dinner, and Lily takes the kids to Rufus’ apartment (after finding out that Bart Bass has files on the whole family- creepy, but not completely enthralling), only to indulge in a magical turkey that can be basted, stuffed, and cooked in about three minutes. Jenny and Vanessa make up, Nate and Chuck make up, and an angel gets its wings.

So, while I do hope the GG writers throw a little charcoal into the Christmas special, it wasn’t a bad episode, just a little tame for CW standards. Sure, Bart Bass is calling in his espionage team to bring out the big guns. Sure, Vanessa clearly isn’t over Nate, and steals the letter he wrote for Jenny, pleadingly expressing his affection for her. But that’s about as heinous as our beloved Upper East Side cast got this evening.

Two weeks, friends. Two weeks until GG has the chance to overload us with the drama it withheld tonight.