Pillow Talk with Diana: “My Boyfriend is Bi!”

Q: I’ve been dating a great guy for a couple of months. When we started dating, he told me that he is “sort of” bisexual, and that he’s hooked up with guys before. I was nonchalant when he told me, and I said I was fine with it, but I’m a little weirded out. I feel like he’s going to be checking out guys whenever we go out, or thinking my guy friends are hot. Am I overreacting?

A: Well, honestly, I do think you’re overreacting–but it comes down to personal preference and opinion, so if his sexuality is something you can’t deal with, then you’re not right for each other.

Before you start drafting your “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, hear me out. Let’s say he’s 100% straight as an arrow–you do realize that he would notice other women besides you, right? And as much as you may hate it, he would probably form some opinion on how hot your friends are, too (though if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll keep it to himself). So what’s the difference between him noticing other women or other men? He’s still choosing to be with you.

Is it possible that you’re a little worried about friends’ reactions? Since you’ve been with him for a couple of months I’m assuming it wasn’t a dealbreaker–you did continue to date him after all. I actually dated a bisexual guy a few years ago, and the experience was not much different than dating a straight guy–for me, hearing that he was bi was like hearing that he loves dogs or hates seafood. Some of my friends were a little bit shocked when they found out, so his sexuality was only an issue when I started feeling defensive about it.

Another possibility is that you might just be a jealous person. Have you had the same fears about your straight boyfriend checking out your friends or other women? Are you worried about your current boyfriend checking out women and your female friends, or only the guys? If this is a recurring theme in your relationships, it’s not something that will go away unless you confront it, regardless of the sexual preferences of your future partners.

Of course, you might be just genuinely icked out about it–but that’s something you have to figure out for yourself. Would I dump a guy over his sexual preferences? No–but you have the right to feel however you feel about it. Likewise, he has the right to be with a partner who accepts this part of him, and if that’s not you, then it’s only right to cut him loose. I may not agree with you, and I may feel like you’re overreacting, but that’s based on my opinion and my experiences. I wouldn’t sleep with a Republican, and I’m sure there are plenty of people that would tell me that I’m overreacting and being judgmental, but I have the right to feel that way.

Would I be disappointed if a guy broke up with me over my sexual past? Sure–until I realized that if he’s grossed out or bothered by my feelings and experiences with sex, then he’s probably not at all right for me. Figure out how you feel about it and then act accordingly, but do it soon; don’t drag the relationship out and lead him on if your gut is telling you to leave. You both deserve better than that.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Image Via Mediabistro]