Overheard: Thanks For Nothing

By John

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“…So they broke up, and that’s fine – but you know what, lots of people break up! Lots of people get dumped! He’s been moping about her for longer than they were going out! I don’t want to have to fall back on gender stereotypes to make my point here, but if this doesn’t stop I am going to buy him a vibrator for his birthday! For his vagina!”

Two boys and a girl in a pizza restaurant:

Boy 1: “I like your sweater.”

Boy 2: “Oh, thanks! I like my sweater too.”

Boy 1: “Y’know, it’d look really good if you wore a white tank top under that, pulled the collar down a bit – just so a bit of the tank top’s visible.”

Girl: “Bob? Why are you talking about this?”

Boy 1: “Hey, I love fashion and I think it’s something I have the authority to speak on!”

Girl: “Listen, Bob, if you want to have sex with my boyfriend, just do it, okay? It’s fine.”

Playing Rock Band:

“Hey, uh, excuse me? I’m sorry to bother you but – “

“Oh, yeah, we’ll turn it down. Sorry. I know, it’s a weeknight.”

“No, it’s not the music. I live in the room below you – It’s the jumping up and down and falling over. Like, it sounds like you guys are just having the most violent sex possible.”

“No! No more! Shut up about the Capoeira masters!”

“Hey – these guys came all the way from -”

“I know, Brazil! The Capoeira masters from Brazil! Whatever! Shut up and have another shot!”

At a Mexican restaurant:

Waitress, with pitcher: “Are you drinking water?”

Guy: “Oh, yes, thank you.”

Girl: “Actually, I’m drinking these… chippies. Could I get a refill on chippies?”

“Dude, it’s Wii Fit, not ‘Wii-sit-on-your-fat-ass-and-drink-Coronas-while-wiggling-like-two-fingers.’”