Overheard: Breaking the Holidays

By John

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

(It’s a scarce week for funnies this time around, as nothing interesting happens during the Thanksgiving holiday.)

In the mall:

Wife 1: “Is your husband being a Scrooge, too?”

Wife 2: “No, we’re just tired out. Taking a break.”

(Husbands exchange meaningful glances.)

Wife 1: “We haven’t even started shopping yet, and he’s already complaining!”

Husband 1: “I just don’t think we have the money this year.”

Wife 1: “Oh, stop being such a baby.”

Husband 1: “So… about that divorce, honey… oh, c’mon, I’m kidding. I’m kidding! Mostly.”

Two little girls running around an African sculpture exhibit:

Girl 1: (pointing at exhibit) That one’s… Googly! And this is Trumpet. And this one is Scary!

Girl 2: This one is Nick. And this one is Too Big-Too Small!

Girl 1: This one is Mr. Underpants Cat!

Girl on the train:

“It smelled like a cookie, and it looked like a cookie – and so I put my hand in my pocket, and it felt like a cookie. And then I was really confused, because Sarah was like, ‘They don’t make cookie-flavored cell phones!’”

“So I guess the people in line – they actually broke down the doors of one Wal-Mart, and one employee – someone got killed. I know, it’s terrible, and it’s really sad. Like, what did Wal-Mart even have, anyway? You kill someone for the chance to spend $100 less on a crappy laptop? Did that Wal-Mart even have a Dunkin’ Donuts?”

In the dorm kitchenette: “What’s that you’re frying, oh. Onions! Man, I love onions. The smell alone makes me hungry. How was Philadelphia? Oh, those are oranges. You’re frying oranges. Why are you frying oranges?”

“So that’s not gonna work. We need a new name. And it has to scream ‘Gay World War Two Aviator Romance’.”

“Wings of Lust?”

“Too easy. Propellers of Passion?”

“Igloos of Innocence?”

“That doesn’t even make sense. Eskimos?”

“Fuselage of Friendship? Cannons of Camaraderie? … Bouncing Bratwurst?”

“So what are everyone’s Thanksgiving plans? We’ve all got plenty to be thankful for. Like, we can all be thankful that we don’t have to eat tofu, you know?”

“I have to eat tofu. Actually, tofu and wheat gluten roast, cooked in coconut milk.”

“Ew. Sorry. I’m thankful that my Thanksgiving plans don’t include shooting myself in the head because my dinner is so gross.”