College Candy

Last night’s GG episode was pretty freaking juicy. Within the first 30-seconds, we knew what party (the Senior Snowball) would be the scene of all of the cut-throat drama, and the snowball just kept rolling from there.Here’s the rundown (of the first 5 minutes):

Blair doesn’t know who to bring the Snowball, Serena meets Aaron’s ex-slash-Dan’s-instant-Snowball-date (who wants to bang Dan… go figure), and Vanessa is acting shady… could it be because after stealing Nate’s letter to Jenny, she’s been creeping with Sexkitten Archibald? After that spiel to Jenny about friendship coming first? Oh, snap. You know Gossip Girl is going to spill that news.

In other news, one of Blair’s cliquesters, Penelope, gets a lot of screen time in this ep, as she commissions the out-of-work Jenny to make her dress for the Snowball. Penelope, I know you and Jenny aren’t friends, but you should take the stick out of your a** before asking someone to do you a last minute favor. Just saying. (Editor’s Note: And didn’t Jenny get back at Penelope by designing the ugliest dress of all time? Seriously? That sh*t was nasty.)

After GG publicizes a smooch between V and Nate, Penelope serves as a driving force behind J’s revenge scheme…because, after all, “Vanessa shouldn’t be fishing in ‘her’ pond.” Apparently Penelope didn’t get the message that Nate is over the Rich Clique, after being on Blair’s tight leash since pre-school. Also, she kinda sucks.

Though Jenny and Vanessa deserve credit for their brief catfight, Blair and Chuck steal the show (yet again) when they make a bet and agree to find each other dates to Snowball. If Blair wins, she gets access to Chuck’s limo for a month. If Chuck wins, he gets Blair’s maid. Wasn’t slavery abolished a few hundred years ago? Not in Waldorf world? Okay, just checking.

The Snowball finally arrives, and Blair and Chuck have set each other up with the most Chuck- and Blair-esque kids in school, respectively. How ironic when their pawns end up falling for each other? Vanessa dons a see-through dress to the ball, courtesy of Jenny Humphrey’s bitchy side. And, just as planned, the whole school sees right through it. And the world ends.

Seriously? I don’t think that’s that bad– I mean, for one, it’s not like Vanessa decided to skip the skivvies, and she happens to have a hot bod. How is barely a semi-flash to the school comparable to a Janet Jackson experience? Was there a nipple slip that I missed while spooning the last of my ice cream out of the carton?

So, Vanessa cries, and Nate is disappointed in Jenny. Vanessa and Nate get a couple of heartfelt monologues, fueled by plenty of tears, and sealed with an almost sexy smooch (there was dripping snot/tears, which sorta ruined things for me).

Meanwhile, Chuck asks Blair to dance:

“What’s the point, Chuck? We’re never going to be them.”

“I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“What do we have, Chuck? Tell me.”

“Tonight.”

Now that is the shizz GG is made of. Where were the Chucks of the world when I was in high school?

Also getting their moment of sap, Dan and Serena have a sex talk about moving on from their long-dissolved relationship. Just in case anyone out there actually cares about Dan’s pathetic sex life. Yawn.

Can we get back to Chuck? After Lily confesses to Rufus that she’s going to divorce Bart, Chuck has yet another moment when he tells Lily that she was good for the family, and that he always liked her, no matter how she acted.

Speaking of Bart: just as someone was rumored to die tonight, Lily gets a phone call. Mr. Bass has been in an accident. And we won’t find out what happens for another whole week. But when we do, it’s gonna be even juicier.