Yes, You CAN Be Friends After Sex!
Sex in college can be a tricky little endeavor. Sometimes it’s awkward, other times it’s out-of-this- world-amazing, and even other times it’s down right obnoxious (like when your partner finds it necessary to ask questions which require long-winded responses while doin’ the deed).
Then, the heat of the moment passes and you wake up resembling the Bride of Frankenstein only to realize that you just boned your best friend/ex-lover/a boy from your Psych class. And things get even messier. No pun intended.
You instantly turn into psycho b*tch and a million questions run through your head in a matter of milliseconds. Everything from, I wonder if he’s REALLY regretting that last shot of Jack? to planning an elaborate escape route to his front door without spilling any beer cans or waking up any of his roommates.
But perhaps the most important question that plagues your hungover mind is something like, What the f**k is going to happen now? Especially when the person you just screwed is a friend. Or a friend of a friend. Or in three of your classes. Seriously, is it even possible to maintain a platonic relationship with someone you just saw – and who saw you – in the buff, without makeup or a push-up bra?
In my opinion, what unfolds after the sheets are, um, unfolded depends a lot on who you’re gettin’ it on with. The state of affairs BEFORE the actual event greatly determines the way shite will go down afterwards.
If you were platonic friends first:
You can probably salvage your friendship by laughing it off. At least you made the drunken mistake with someone you already know, love and respect. But, if you were friends before and Mr. Friend had a crush on you (or vice versa), sex is most definitely going to change the relationship. If he “got” you once, he’ll think he can get you again. And if you were crushin’ on him, you might suddenly start stalking his Facebook a little more often (every 10 minutes) and get jealous of his other “platonic” girl friends. This is when you need to talk about it – not just ignore it and hope that one of you starts to feel differently.
If you were kinda friends:
Things can be a little confusing. If you want to continue to be friends you probably need to talk about the boundaries of your relationship now that you’ve crossed the forbidden line. Are you gonna continue to get nakey everytime you hang out? Or was it a one-time sexual escapade that is best forgotten (if you can remember it to begin with)? Talking about the sitch A.S.A.P. will make things easier in the future. Like when you catch his eye across the dining hall and aren’t sure whether to smile and say hey or run to the nearest bathroom to hide your red cheeks and other signs of undeniable post hook-up shame.
If you weren’t friends first:
HEY! You could have just made a friend. At least you can always look back and laugh at the way you met. Yeah, you might have done things a little backasswards, but a friend is a friend – no matter how you make it. If you like the guy enough that you want to see him clothed, that is. However, don’t think you’ll ever REALLY forget that you guys did it. You won’t. And neither will his new GF when the three of you are sitting around pounding beers.
If he’s an ex:
You’ve got your hands full now. Ex-sex is a hotly debated topic, and the general consensus is that it’s a definite no-go. But, since you’ve already done it, you have to deal with it. As awkward and awful as it’s gonna seem, you have to talk about it. Trust me, it’s better than awkwardly half-hugging goodbye, crying yourself to sleep and then having to avoid all the places that there is a minute chance you will see him.
Of course, I always recommend having sex with people you know and trust. However, I’m realistic and I know this isn’t always the case. Basically, though, I think that friends can stay friends after gettin’ a little too friendly, as long as both of you like, or, at the very least, respect each other.
As for me, I’ve learned that I need to keep my vay-jay-jay off limits to anyone I consider a “friend” for a pretty long time.
What about you girls? What are your experiences with staying – or becoming – friends after sex?