Yes, You CAN Be Friends After Sex!

platonic.jpgSex in college can be a tricky little endeavor. Sometimes it’s awkward, other times it’s out-of-this- world-amazing, and even other times it’s down right obnoxious (like when your partner finds it necessary to ask questions which require long-winded responses while doin’ the deed).

Then, the heat of the moment passes and you wake up resembling the Bride of Frankenstein only to realize that you just boned your best friend/ex-lover/a boy from your Psych class. And things get even messier. No pun intended.

You instantly turn into psycho b*tch and a million questions run through your head in a matter of milliseconds. Everything from, I wonder if he’s REALLY regretting that last shot of Jack? to planning an elaborate escape route to his front door without spilling any beer cans or waking up any of his roommates.

But perhaps the most important question that plagues your hungover mind is something like, What the f**k is going to happen now? Especially when the person you just screwed is a friend. Or a friend of a friend. Or in three of your classes. Seriously, is it even possible to maintain a platonic relationship with someone you just saw – and who saw you – in the buff, without makeup or a push-up bra?

In my opinion, what unfolds after the sheets are, um, unfolded depends a lot on who you’re gettin’ it on with. The state of affairs BEFORE the actual event greatly determines the way shite will go down afterwards.

If you were platonic friends first:

You can probably salvage your friendship by laughing it off. At least you made the drunken mistake with someone you already know, love and respect. But, if you were friends before and Mr. Friend had a crush on you (or vice versa), sex is most definitely going to change the relationship. If he “got” you once, he’ll think he can get you again. And if you were crushin’ on him, you might suddenly start stalking his Facebook a little more often (every 10 minutes) and get jealous of his other “platonic” girl friends. This is when you need to talk about it – not just ignore it and hope that one of you starts to feel differently.

If you were kinda friends:

Things can be a little confusing. If you want to continue to be friends you probably need to talk about the boundaries of your relationship now that you’ve crossed the forbidden line. Are you gonna continue to get nakey everytime you hang out? Or was it a one-time sexual escapade that is best forgotten (if you can remember it to begin with)? Talking about the sitch A.S.A.P. will make things easier in the future. Like when you catch his eye across the dining hall and aren’t sure whether to smile and say hey or run to the nearest bathroom to hide your red cheeks and other signs of undeniable post hook-up shame.

If you weren’t friends first:

HEY! You could have just made a friend. At least you can always look back and laugh at the way you met. Yeah, you might have done things a little backasswards, but a friend is a friend – no matter how you make it. If you like the guy enough that you want to see him clothed, that is. However, don’t think you’ll ever REALLY forget that you guys did it. You won’t. And neither will his new GF when the three of you are sitting around pounding beers.

If he’s an ex:

You’ve got your hands full now. Ex-sex is a hotly debated topic, and the general consensus is that it’s a definite no-go. But, since you’ve already done it, you have to deal with it. As awkward and awful as it’s gonna seem, you have to talk about it. Trust me, it’s better than awkwardly half-hugging goodbye, crying yourself to sleep and then having to avoid all the places that there is a minute chance you will see him.

Of course, I always recommend having sex with people you know and trust. However, I’m realistic and I know this isn’t always the case. Basically, though, I think that friends can stay friends after gettin’ a little too friendly, as long as both of you like, or, at the very least, respect each other.

As for me, I’ve learned that I need to keep my vay-jay-jay off limits to anyone I consider a “friend” for a pretty long time.

What about you girls? What are your experiences with staying – or becoming – friends after sex?



  1. Callie says:

    I had ex-sex last wkend. And now I've got a stage 5 clinger on my hands. Shit…

  2. Sarah says:

    I had ex sex a few weeks ago…i wasn't over the guy and now it's even worse! I do not recommend it!

  3. Jade says:

    its a hard question. if you have feelings for the guy, sleeping with him will not make him return the feelings. but yes it is possible to remain friends afterwards.

    sex is one of those things that will either make or break a friendship.

  4. Mel says:

    Ex-sex is possibly the worst idea ever. I did it a couple weeks ago, and I was in the same boat as Sarah. Not okay.

  5. Tiffany says:

    Okay well im a sophmore in high school and about a month ago i had a small party at my house and i got wasted. I only remember some things that happened that night. But i lost my virginity to someone i kinda knew. We got 2 school together and were in the same grade but other than that thats pretty much all i know about him. So we ended up having unprotected sex that night and i thought i was pregnant but THANK GOD… i was not. But "he" did tell me he has had sex with 4 other girls besides me. I have always felt a different way about "him" tho and i have never felt the same way about another guy before. And i have one class with "him" and im not going to lie its extremely awkward. Now "he" has a girlfriend so it obviously did not mean anything to "him" but i actually started to have feelings for "him". Now the whole school knows about what happened and my reputation is trashed. And all the guys at my school think im easy. Just to let you know i regret everything that happened that night and if i could take it back i DEF would. So i need help. What should i do? Any advise?!

  6. Dave says:

    Just a suggestion… I did the deed with a girl who then proceeded to fuck with my head for a month and now tells all of our mutual friends that she's still crazy about me in confidence with them but she is passing herself around like the donation tray on Sunday. From a guy's point of view.. which is probably a little worth a bit more than ^ this article. Just come clean, be honest.. and don't make things confusing. The more confusing you make things the more frustrated the guy will get with you.. and try to sort things out in your head.. there's nothing more confusing and frustrating than an indicisive person that you've just done the deed with.. are we friends? are we gonna keep doing this? if we like each other are we going to try to start a relationship? Yeah.. you might change your mind after having an initial talk with them about it.. but don't do it more than once..

  7. Dave says:

    Eh.. I should probably make myself a little clearer on that first bit.. good article, in fact all of them on this site seem like fair advice, but I just feel that clear communication is key if you want to foster a friendship with someone you might find yourself in this position with, it'll help you feel more comfortable dealing with the situation no matter which of these groups they fall under.

  8. Darenth says:

    I have been in this situation. Unfortunately…

    We are friends, we would always chill and hang out; we would always flirt, it was just so natural for us and that may be the reason that I started crushin on him and he did night after he walked me to the car, he kissed me, we agreed it wasnt meant to be because we were both going to different colleges and what was rest of the summer wasnt enough and we would both end up getting hurt. Anyways, it was all cool afterward, I let it go but deep inside I had that crush feeling. I went to the city he was going for college and visited him, we went to a party and well got drunk..(he got drunk, i was buzzed) We were extra flirty with each other for obvious reasons, one thing led to the other..I sat on his lap, we started making out and decided to get out of there..Went back to his place and well the rest is history. I was expecting a "sorry, that was just a drunken night reaction" or something like that, I would've felt so much better but he kept quite when I approach him about it. He simply didnt wanna talk about it then or NEVER for that matter. Its been 4 months since this happen. He recently moved back and now leaves in town again. We have talk normally after that, no awkward anything but we havent really hung out like old times, I feel like unconsciously I've been putting it off because of a probable 'talk bout that subject' incident. That's my story, bottom line this kinda of incidental hook ups are not good for ANY friendship, everything changes, want it or not.

  9. CHiiNA says:

    Yup, on the most part i agree with all of these people. Im actually in this situation right now and it seriously sucks. I went to a friends party a while back and to my surprise, the guy i liked was there. Him and his friend went up to me and my friend since we all new eachother and we went into the party. I really dont know why but we all started talking about sex. When they asked me who i would ever like to have sex with i said about this other guy that was at the party. But my friend put me on blast and told him that i wanted to have sex with him. Which was not true, i just simply liked him. Well we began to drink and we both got kinda buzzed. We ended up having sex. And i was a virgin. After that when i saw him at school it wasnt the same. For a month after that he only said hi to me three times. And sadly it was against his own will and we were not alone. He doesnt talk to me now, like whatsoever. I even went through a mild depression when i realised we were not going to be friends anymore. I never thought he would stop talking to me because of that. But now i can sincerely admit. If you have a friend who means a lot to you and you wouldnt want to risk losing their friendship, dont get intamite with them. Unless you dont care to lose their friendship. Its your choice. I hope you make the right one.

  10. betty stove says:

    Need answer's? I meet this guy an we started to have sex an it was like we injoyed each other company so things went on for about two months an he decided to just be friends.But he always call me so wecan chill an we always end up in bed together an now it's been going like this for two years .He just sent me an email talking about how we should be just friends because having sex just make things hard .So when he call's me over to chill an he start's to hug me an feeling all over me i tell him what about use being just friends .He never answer the question he tell's we both need this. what should i do need answers

  11. Woman says:

    Campus Candy enables gender norms. This is the opposite of empowering. CUT THE SHIT, CAMPUS CANDY!

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