We’ve All Been There: The Walk of Shame

[It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share. No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you.

By Lauren

So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

You wake up with what feels like a baseball-sized cotton ball in your mouth. Your head is pounding, your ears are ringing and you feel sweaty. You lift the blanket to get some air and – yup! –you’re naked.

You roll over and find a boy sleeping soundly next to you. And that is when you realize you are not at home.

You cover yourself up again and lay there willing the headache to stop. You spot a bottle of water on the bedside table and consider drinking it, then question how long a college boy has probably had a bottle of water on his nightstand. You think hard and finally remember him grabbing it for you the night before. You chug it down.

The boy begins to stir. You sit back in silence. Part of you wants him to offer you a ride home, but the other part (the one with an urge to vomit and mascara wiped across your cheek) just wants to make a quick escape.

As the snores begin again, you slowly get up and begin looking for your things. Your jeans are next to the bed, your underwear is on the computer chair and your right shoe is…..is….God Damn, where the hell did that shoe go?! “Can I leave it?” You think to yourself. “No, of course I can’t. Those are my favorite pair, not to mention the fact that I can’t walk home in one freaking shoe.”

You rifle through his clothes on the floor, under the bed (where you find a used condom and hope and pray it was yours), and finally find your pump…in the bed. You throw on your clothes, toss that bra in your purse, gather the rest of your things, jot down a quick note on the back of a receipt and make a run for it. Freedom!

Only the hard part has only just begun. Lucky for you it is somewhat early and his roommates are still asleep – you tiptoe out the front door without being spotted. Unfortunately for you, the same can’t be said for the rest of campus. As you exit his house you realize, 1) You are really far from your place, 2) A lot of people get up early on weekends!, and 3) You should have worn less obvious footwear last night for this walk home.

You know that people do the Walk of Shame all the time, so who cares? Just do it and get it over with.

Maybe no one will notice. But everyone notices – of course they do. People stare. People giggle. After all, as if the black pants and heels at 8am on a Saturday morning weren’t big enough giveaways, you happen to catch a reflection of yourself in the Starbucks window and your hair, makeup, and OhMyGodIsThatAHickey!? WHO GIVES A HICKEY?!, are pretty glaring indicators.

You grab your neck and pick up some speed. Eventually, you make it home where you immediately rip off all of your clothes and jump into bed. You can’t wait to tell your roommates all about your night, but first you must sleep. Besides, they’ve all been there before.