e had only told eachother that the day before he moved.

Now, we talk about a couple times a month since he moved 4 months ago. I miss him more than anything and literally think about him every minute. I play the game like guys though…I realize there is nothing I can do now except move on. While the first few days after he left I probably ate one food item a day and couldn't get a decent night of sleep, I started to go wild and give my number out to almost every guy that asked, and I've even slept with a couple guys. However, I STILL think about him when I'm with even the hottest of guys.

I don't know what he's been doing where he's at, and would actually rather not know, but I do know that I don't feel guilty for what I am doing because I am trying to move on the best I can. I lost "the one" and I will allow myself to do whatever it is to make me feel at least as happy as I can at the moment.

thats why they dont cry and thats why they go for new girls really quickly.

believe they are cut up inside.

Don't get emotionally over-invested and compartmentalize your life, and you'll be fine.

Most people will take whoever is around to some extent, and hope someone better will come eventually. Some grow attached in the meantime. If you took whoever, just because they were around, it's much easier to move on obviously.

I don’t have much time right now, but one thing that you wrote made it impossible for me to ignore it and write back a little later. “The only things worse than feeling this way is feeling it twice.” You got the major issue here, something that I’ve been thinking about a lot and something that frightens me more than anything else in the world.

It is possible that my guy would change his mind, of course… but as much as I wish for that to happen, I know as well that it might be for all the wrong reasons. He might be feeling depressed in a new job, maybe he will not find a rebound fast enough, or maybe he will just think that the relationship with me was making him a tiny bit more self-confident and happy than when he is without me and thus he might have some sudden breakdown and decide that he would rather be with me than be alone.

I want to trust him and, as I wrote, in case of his come back start anew, however, will I ever be able to? Do I really want to make myself vulnerable again? I didn’t cry when he left me and after that, sometimes a single tear or two run down my face, but I haven’t let myself start crying for real. And yet I am sure that if he would ever take me back and then change his mind again I might not be able to hold back the tears and maybe even live through this (as childish as it sounds, that might be true).

Right now I am holiding on, being strong, trying to feel optimistic. But if I would have to go through this for the second time it would be too much to take.

Another problem is that even if I take him back with all my hopes to forget the past and treat it as a new beginning, who knows? Maybe eventually he would not be able to regain my trust, even if he would try realy hard, and therefore would break up with me again. And my emotional reaction would surely be not a tiny bit better than if it happend because he would be a bastard. It would be my fault, but would not make me feel any better.

So yes, it is all very hard and sometimes I wish I knew what the future brings for me, because it would probably be so much easier to move on if I knew what the outcome of it all would be. I would also want to know if he still considers me as an option, or if I’m dead and gone for him already.

But I will not know, cause the only thing I can do right now is to act as if I don’t care and do not initiate any action at all. It’s all hard, but this is the only thing I can do right now. Live, let live, and hope for the best outcome possible for me in the end.

I only feel sorry for you, because me and my ex, we never really lived together. We lived together as a couple for a while in another country (about 5 months) and after that we would just meet in my contry and in his every 2 months. Altogether it lasted exactly 10 months and 2 days. I guess it is much easier for me to move on than it might be for you, if she left you after much longer time.

However, on the other hand, I made changes in my life because of him. I started learning his language (which I have decided to continue after he left), made some arraingements to spend next summer in his country, and even will probably go there for my 4 months internship in September. All of it reminds me of him on a day to day basis, but I try to be happy, and maybe at least achieve something for myself for once.

As I said. Sometimes I just wish I knew how he really feels and what are his thoughts about me, decisions, if I am still a possibility or just a nice memory. I wish I knew if he moved on, if he consideres me a toxic person and someone he would never ever want to be with again, or if maybe he does think of making his schedule happen. I have no idea, which breaks me every day.