We’ve All Been There: The Instant Message Fight

frustrated_woman_computer1.jpg[It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share. No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you. So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone – we’ve all been there before.]

Your best friend totally stabbed you in the back…again. You don’t even know why you are friends with her anymore. Ok, so she is really fun to go out with and is the best person to lay in bed and watch a movie with, but the back stabbing and sh*t-talking has got to stop.

What a bitch. Seriously, the next time you see her you are going to open a major can of whoop ass and tell her everything that is on your mind: she’s a crappy friend, you can’t trust her, and those jeans you told her

you liked? Yeah, they make her look FAT!

You sit in your room waiting for her to come home, stewing. Each passing minute brings out more and more anger, and you think of more things you can’t wait to say to her. You have never been this angry. You are afraid she is going to cry. You have been waiting to say these things for a long time and there is no telling how it is all going to go down.

You hear her come home. She drops her things and comes and finds you in your room.

“Hey!” She says, in that annoyingly chipper tone.

“Hey,” you reply.

“What’s up?”

“Nothin’, just studying. How was your day?” So, you chicken out. She just looks so normal and happy and you don’t know how to verbally bitch slap someone to her face. You know she doesn’t mean to be a bad friend, and you feel bad unleashing all that anger on her. And having to watch her reaction.

She starts talking about your other friends and the things they are saying about you, and you begin getting angry again. How could you not confront her?! But you can’t. Not to her face. She eventually makes her way back to her own room and signs online.

You see her name pop up on your buddy list and that is when you let it all out.

“You know how I said I was fine? Well I’m not fine! You are a crappy friend….”

Sure, she was just in your room. Yeah, she can hear you tapping your foot through the wall. Ok, so you couldn’t say this stuff to her face; it is just so much easier online! Why have to tell her something to her face when you can hide behind your MacBook and not have to see her reactions? There is nothing wrong with doing it this way, is there? You will get it all out and then have the make up hug in person; it’s basically the same thing!

And this is better, anyway. You are getting it all off your chest – you have time to think about what you want to say and feel so much more comfortable saying it online. You do everything else online (like tell boys you like them), so why not this?

Don’t worry; we’ve all convinced ourselves of the very same things before. The online fight? We’ve all been there.



  1. Jess says:

    That and text message fights. sucks!

  2. Toni says:

    My roommate loves to send facebook messages… I just tell that b***h whats up to her face… She has done me wrong too many times to count. After spring semester we are done…

    However, I often use this tactic with my boyfriend. For some reason I cannot confront him when stuff bothers me.

  3. Sara says:

    It doesn't always work out though! Especially if she's part of a group of your friends! In my case, the one AIM fight worsened when our other friend IM'd me calling me a bitch. 3 months later, they are still pissed.

    Be careful!

  4. Anna - Northeastern says:

    me and my boyfriend always fight via text messaging lol

  5. Stephanie says:

    I pretty much only fight online. I'm waaay too passive-aggressive to ever really fight with anyone, especially a friend face-to-face. It's not good and it usually blows up in my face every time. I don't suggest it.

  6. Samantha says:

    My roommate and I fight via email all the time.

    I'm talking 4 page "here are all the things you do that I can't stand" emails. I'd be grateful for a text message fight!

  7. mmhmmm says:

    my room mates do shit in FRONT of me that i cant stand so i cant help but flip out in person, and when it's in person, i can get MEAN.

    but online fights i reserve for when people chicken out and confront me online and then i have a few minutes to think up really meany stuff to say.

    I would rather people say "when you do this it makes me feel this way"

    back o sociology class… use I FEEL rather than YOUR ARE! hahaha.

    whatev… we all do the online fights

  8. mmhmmm says:

    really mean* not meany

  9. sara says:

    Little piece of advice: DON’T write a bitchy blog about your friends. It WILL get printed out and distributed. You WILL lose friends. DON’T DO IT. :/

  10. Ryan says:

    Turning to the Internet every time you want to say something heartfelt is a horrible habit and bad emotional response.

    If you can't deal with a person's reaction, or communicate effectively in-person, then chances are you may need to rethink what you want to say or express to this person; or maybe rethink why you are even friends with them. By typing on your Blackberry or MacBook, you're postponing your intercultural communication skills, and in essence, making you unable, or bad at, interacting with other individuals.

  11. Rachael says:

    I've always had a difficult time with telling others how I feel if something is bothering me. My last roommate was a real bitch to me so much of the time and I hate to say this, but I just let her get away with it each time she said or did anything that would make me upset. I'm just that way, I guess. I would rather not face confrontation, especially with other girls since they can be such backstabbers. To me, its just not worth it, so I will avoid any trouble whenever possible.

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