We’ve All Been There: The Pre-Hookup Convo

[It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share. No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you. So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

You’re standing at the bar waiting for the bartender to notice you so you can order that pitcher for the girls. You wave your money, you pull your v-neck down a little lower…nothing seems to be working. In a huff you turn to the person next to you to see if a team effort would be more successful.

He’s cute.

Really cute.

So, you and the guy next to you start talking and laughing and having a grand ol’ time. Eventually the bartender makes it past all those d-bags who cut in front of you and the sweet boy next to you buys you that pitcher and a round of shots to enjoy with him. (Note: In college, guys are always buying shots. Never drinks.)

So, you take the pitcher (and the boy) back to your table and let the real drinking festivities begin. An hour later, you’re drunk and screaming “I Want It That Way” into your girlfriends’ faces while the boy watches. As the song ends (and you shed a tear for the days of a 5-member BSB), the boy leans over, pulls your hair out of your lip gloss and screams into your ear, “You wanna get out of here?”

Of course you do.

You take him back to your place – at least there you know the sheets are clean – and grab two bottles of water out of the fridge. When you come back into the living room he is sitting on the couch. You join him. You begin chatting. You talk about your major, you talk about how much you love it when they play old school Madonna at the bar, he tells you all about his fraternity. Sometimes, due to total intoxication, you discuss stranger topics: condiments, religion, how awful alcohol makes your stomach feel in the morning.

You both know that this conversation is both pointless and a waste of time, but for some reason neither of you want to make the first move. “How do I move in and tear his clothes off without looking pathetic and needy?” You ask yourself. “What if he came here just to get a free bottle of water and totally rejects me?”

You keep talking, attempting to brush your fingers against him and scooting a bit closer. Something has to kinda sorta send the signal that you wanna get naked. There is a brief pause in conversation. You look at each other a little longer than normal…and then…it’s on. Sure, it wasn’t the most romantic way to break into things, but there was an opportunity and you both took it. And ran with it.

The conversation was 30 minutes but the time between the initial lip lock and total nudity was less than 30 seconds.

You make your way to the bedroom (hopefully) and do what you wanted to do since he bought you that shot in the bar. When all is said and done (and hopefully good), you fall asleep only to deal with a similar conundrum again in the morning.

Don’t worry; you aren’t the only one wasting 30 minutes of precious hook up time on boring conversation in attempts to feel better about bringing home a rando. We’ve all been there.