The Top People to Avoid After Break

I always love coming back from break and seeing all my friends. But even though I can’t wait to see certain people, I will do my best to avoid these five “friends “who seem to appear ever year.

The Unnaturally Tan One

While I sat at home watching Full House marathons curled up under my brand-new Snuggie, this person sat on Caribbean beaches for the entire break. While my legs are streaked shades of orange from drugstore tanners, she is glowing with a tan that seems to defy her race. As if I wasn’t already feeling like Casper’s paler cousin, standing next to her makes me feel downright clinically albino.

The Reccesion-Proof One

This holiday season started with my parents interrupting all my wish-list ramblings with words like “recession,” and “depression.” My wants went from an iPhone to a few new Chap Sticks and a (store brand) chocolate bar. So it’s even more un-fun this year to watch this friend unpack all of her new things: an entirely new wardrobe that matches her Blackberry Storm that she can play with while watching her new flat screen. She’s offering to share her new boots and all I can give her in exchange is some relief for her chapped lips.

The Debbie Downer One

My break wasn’t very exciting but I don’t have any legitimate complaints. But she does. A simple, “how was your break” turns into a two-hour impromptu therapy session while she goes on and on about everything from her mom getting laid off to her dog getting hit by a car. While at first I can awkwardly pat her back and offer my condolences, it gets increasingly less easy as she talks about her Christmas tree burning down, the loss of her lucky penny, and her cat’s unhealthy addiction to alcohol.

The World Traveling One

I completely forgot he existed until he bumps into me in the student center and says “exscuzemoi.” Suddenly it all comes flashing back: he went abroad last spring and fell so in love with Europe that he hasn’t been home (the states, as he calls it) since. It’s almost impossible to recognize him with his new beret and European-ly tight pants. He orders a Cafe Americano and explains how hard it is to adjust back to the American lifestyle. Before I know it I’m sitting in Starbucks while he tells me the benefits of socialism and fat-free croissants.

The Tattooed One

I’m sharing stories from over break when she gets overly excited, giggles, and says she has a surprise for me. A million things run through my mind, but nothing prepares me for the 10 inch butterfly she tattooed on her back with the word “hope” written in the wings. I’m forced to look away and mumble, “it looks good, its deep.” She agrees of course. It is deep; the butterfly represents her future. And she is right, I am surprised. Surprised that she ever thought that was okay.

Did I miss anyone?