Cooking With Balls (Sadly, Not About Uber-Manly Chefs)

Brace yourself. First semen, and now this:

Cooking with Balls: The Testicle Cookbook

If I were a man, I probably would have just grabbed my crotch and made that sympathy moan that happens when a dude sees another dude get blasted in the nads. And then I would make a joke to my girlfriend about eating balls. Unless you are my boyfriend, who made a joke about the washing instructions (soak 30-40 minutes), because he ‘only likes dirty nuts.’

Since I am a woman, I am just going to take a breath, try and keep my Baked Ruffles down, and then ask, very reasonably, WTF?!?

First of all, the photos involved are just foul, so much so that I am not even going to joke about downloading the e-book (the only form in which this is available, thank God) and watching the VIDEOS that come with it, one of which shows the author ‘peeling testicles and cutting them into bite-sized chunks.” VOM.

He also organizes an annual World Testicle Cooking Championship, at which a metric ton of testicles are cooked. DOUBLE VOM.

The author, Ljubomir Erovic, is Serbian. Testicles are a delicacy in that particular culture, and touted as an aphrodisiac, which they are in China as well (they supposedly boost the sex drive like WHOA). I’m aware that eating testicles, be they sheep, stallion, bull, ostrich – pretty much anything but human – is not unheard of. Hell, we’ve got Rocky Mountain Oysters right here in the good old U.S. of A. But a whole cookbook? Testicle pie? Testicle PIZZA? I mean, I know times are tough, but I don’t think any amount of penny-pinching would make me see that as a viable pepperoni alternative. I don’t even like touching raw chicken. You’ve seen the pictures. You know what I mean.

If you are braver than me, or looking to expand your culinary habits, the e-book is available for download on YuDu. A sample version is available here

Ladies, a nice piping hot testicle pie on a cold day? Men, some barbecued testicles to boost your libido? Seriously, is there anyone out there who would actually eat this??

Photo courtesy of blog.lib.umn.edu