Overheard: Dramatic Failures

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!

By John

Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“She wants me to come see some play with her. Something… something monologues. Vagina monologues? What… what is that? Is that seriously the name of a play? What the f*** is that about? Dude, I’m not going, that sounds creepy.”

“I’ve never had fifty dollars to spend on hurting myself for sexual pleasure before.”

“I got you a DanceOn thigh supporter. For a hands-free approach to your thighs! Tired of your thighs spilling everywhere while you’re dancing? Now you don’t have to be!”

“You’re whipped, man.”

“Not quite. The problem is that my girlfriend has way more testosterone than I do. I’m pinned down by the weight of her scrotum.”

(singing) “The sun will come out… this morning…”

“Tomorrow?”

“What?”

“The sun will come out tomorrow.”

“I don’t get it. The sun does come out in the morning, right?”

“Okay! So who wants to play strip poker – without the poker?”

“Well, this beer looks okay, except that you can’t put it down anywhere. You also might get botulism and die.”

“Fine. Hook me up.”

“What? He doesn’t know what ‘rosebud’ is? That’s like not knowing that Darth Vader is Luke’s father! Sweetie, you’re not allowed to date this boy anymore. He sounds like riff-raff.”

“You’re a sports writer. You’re supposed to be writing about sports. How was the baseball score ‘I want to bang Miley Cyrus’?”

“Don’t blame me, man, blame the game. You weren’t there.”

“Is ‘All The Single Ladies’ a major?”

“So my landlord comes in like ‘bitch where’s my money’ and I’m all ‘no man, don’t got no money, but do you want a pancake?’”

“Did he want a pancake?”

“Well, he took one. But I still got evicted.”

“Oh, wow, that’s genius. We’re gonna write all this s*** down, and we’ll wake up tomorrow and suddenly the whole world will make sense. We’re like Einstein.”

“Right, if Einstein just got drunk and barfed everywhere instead of inventing the atom bomb.”