Sexy Time: The Hit List

January 22, 2009     Posted in Relationships, Sex

hit-list.bmp[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]


By Elizabeth

Deep inside of my computer, within file upon file, lies a mysteriously lonely Excel spreadsheet titled “Hit List.” This, my friends, is where I keep a list of every single person I’ve hooked up with. I keep it tucked away as far in there as possible so that nobody, especially parents or siblings, can ever find it.

Some may think it ridiculous, other may think it slutty, but I like to think of it as a responsible way to keep track of one’s sexual partners. There are many reasons and methods to keeping a hit list, and, via extensive research in the field, I have gathered the best evidence out there in support of the sExcel spreadsheet (pun intended).

A wholesome feeling of accomplishment: My friend Meegan periodically sneaks a peek at her list as a means to see how far she’s come over the years. Think of it as the trophy case of hook-ups. If you’re like Meegan and can hook-up without getting attached, it can turn into a way to record “achievements.” It almost acts like an addendum to your “Things to Do Before I Graduate” checklist. Live your lifelong dream of banging your GSI? Add that baby to the list, sit back, let out a big sigh, and bask in your accomplishments.

In remembrance – literally: Honestly, my hit list started as a means for me to record my hookups before I forget them. As time goes on and you find yourself thrown into the college hook-up scene, it becomes a little difficult to remember what’s-his-face you made out with after homecoming. In fact, I am so bad with remembering these things over time that I’ve even broken my list down into tiers – MO (pronounced like it looks and stands for Make Out), “In Between”, and Home Run. Imagine if my Mom found that puppy…

Safety first: Not only does a sExcel spreadsheet function as a method of recollection, it also doubles as a handy phone tree in case you catch something. Call the most recent fellow on the bottom and work your way down until you find the source. I’m not saying that contracting STDs is a good thing, but at least you’ll have a sense of security in case you do. Plus, you’ll even know which tool to blame for your most unfortunate circumstance.

Statistical analysis: Having all of your hook-ups on paper in chronological order is like a financial statement for your sex life. Just like the economy fluctuates in levels of prosperity, your sex life has ups and downs of its own. Going down the list you can see periods of recession (the dry spell) or personal growth (“getting dat fo sho”). Occasionally, there may even be periods of depression, AKA the desperate hook-up. We’ve all been there – the recession becomes so unbearable that something possesses you to call THAT guy. Y’know, the guy that asked to see your boobs before you even ordered dessert on your first date. Hey, don’t worry, it’s happened to the best of us. And if nothing else, you have an excuse to take a peak at that Hit List just one more time…

Anyone else keep a hit list or have another method (Photo album, perhaps?) Let me know!

39 Comments on "Sexy Time: The Hit List"

  1. Sloan says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20095:10 am 

    i keep one in the memo section of my phone,

    it's just a good idea all around!

  2. Chelsae says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20095:16 am 

    This is disgusting.

  3. Megan says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20095:29 am 

    I wont lie I have a hit list but I started it as a "who's your daddy" book when my cousin had a preg scare and was like "it could be either of these two guys" I figured if I kept a book it would keep me in check and that would NEVER happen to me. (thankfully its worked thus far! haha)

  4. Nikki says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20095:51 am 

    My ex had one and he actually called it his "statistical analysis" I actually came across it one day when I was using his computer and he asked me to look up something else that was right below it. Clicked on it on accident and was absolutely horified at the list I saw before me….thank god I was number 2 on it and we hadn't hooked up in awhile at that point…when he realized what happened he decided it would be a good idea to pull up and show me his roomate's lists…which were much larger….just to prove he wasn't a complete horndog.

    Thankfully I've been blessed with a wonderful memory and I can name them all in order without the need for a physical list….less evidence for people to accidently find!

  5. Courtney says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20096:11 am 

    Me and my friend each made a list in word, to keep track lol

  6. Bela says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20096:38 am 

    I'm only in high school meaning my list is short enough to be memorable so I just it all down in my journal.

  7. Gemma - NYU says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20096:41 am 

    Ha, I like this one way more as "Who's Your Daddy", because that is f'in hilarious. But I don't think I'll ever make a list, other than the one in my own head. If I don't want to/can't really remember him, I probably shouldn't do him anyway – so it keeps me honest. And my boyfriend would totally find that s*%t.

  8. melissa says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20097:31 am 

    "if you have to keep a list on your computer you are messing around with waaaaay too many people"

    Seriously.

    This is stupid.

    But that one girl's "Who's your daddy" list was funny.

  9. Jes says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20097:42 am 

    there is this site where you can keep track of the list on the web, but it's secure and all that…

    plus keeps people from accidentally finding it laying in some secret folder of your computer.

    https://secure.myblackbook.org/

  10. Lauren, University o says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20097:52 am 

    Jes, that is amazing. Thanks for sharing it!

  11. Sam says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20098:31 am 

    I've only slept with 5 guys so far, so I don't really need a list. Making out though, I have no idea. But quite the interesting idea.

  12. Heather says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20099:22 am 

    “if you have to keep a list on your computer you are messing around with waaaaay too many people”

    says who?

  13. Skye says:
    Thu, 22nd Jan 20099:26 am 

    My friend and i made a list for goals. it had 3 parts, Friendable, Dateable, and Fuckable. But its odd cause ive got one guy thats under all three categories… so whats that Marriagble?! haha but yeah i need a hit list.

  14. lauren says:
    Fri, 23rd Jan 200910:17 am 

    i have a sExcel sheet, but it's not nearly as detailed as yours. for instance, there are no dates or phone numbers (some of the guys… well, i never knew their phone numbers). for me, it's really like a trophy wall. i like to know what number i'm up to, so i can think of an appropriate lie when my mr. right now asks how many i've been with.

  15. bunny says:
    Fri, 23rd Jan 20099:46 pm 

    Ok…

    Are all you girls absolute, complete slags? I mean, people are actually ARGUING BACK to the people stating it's gross. Any guy (with any maturity at all) will tell you too – it IS fucking gross for a girl to have so many partners she needs to keep a goddamn excel sheet or internet "black book". The human capacity for memory is a pretty large space, girls, and you should know us females get more of a subconscious attachment to sexual partners than men. Needing to write a list should be the most shameful thing you have ever done. Hell, I'm fucking embarassed for femalekind here. We're meant to be the desired, mysterious gender with the sexual ball in our court, and you're letting the side down.

    I'm no angel and I'm def no prude, but come on! Do you take it wherever it gets offered? Surely it's more fun for loads of guys to want you than for every guy and his dog to have you – and subsequently no longer give a shit?

    Ever heard the term wet deck before?

    (Then again, maybe not to your faces.)

    What kind of guy wants to do or date the girl who has had more traffic than the m25 at rush hour? And what kind of girl wants a guy to think that of her? Or to think that of herself? (and as for the ones who say they lie to the guys about how many they've slept with shows some regret which more of you clearly need – that and some dignity)

    And as for talking about catching STDs, I mean, come on – sounds harsh but if you're going through that many lays then surely you're gonna catch something somewhere down the line, which brings me back to the point of the only guy who wants a whore is the whore himself. And no one wants him because he'd stick his dick in a tree if he had the opportunity – it makes you the female equivelant of that. (…nice)

    I used to really like this blog and its sex talk and general late-teen interests, which I thought I clicked with pretty well.

    But if it means being some cumrag that need wrung out and thrown in the trash rather than a revered, untouchable goddess, I'll pass checking this shit out, thanks.

  16. dooyerz says:
    Fri, 23rd Jan 200910:08 pm 

    May I suggest bedposted.com ? You'd be able to keep track of your hook ups, and how often you do, and basically it'll make it easier to see your whole sex life in a nutshell.

  17. sharon says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 20098:10 am 

    Bunny:

    That was a completely uncalled-for and vicious attack. You may disagree with keeping a record; you may think that people should not be promiscious – but there are ways of expressing yourself without resorting to hate-filled language.

    Having re-read it, the line "But if it means being some cumrag that need wrung out and thrown in the trash rather than a revered, untouchable goddess, I’ll pass checking this shit out, thanks" suggests that you may be being ironic, but I worry that you are not. Please re-consider your judgemental, woman-hating attitude – or at least refrain from demonstrating it in anonymous comments! It'll make everyone's time on this website a lot more enjoyable.

  18. chyeaa says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 200910:08 am 

    yo chill out bunny, just because you aren't getting any doesn't mean my girls can't get none

  19. Dee says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 200910:42 am 

    I second Bunny

  20. Sara says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 200911:45 am 

    I've gotta say I agree with Bunny. If you have to make a list you've been doing too much. I'd say the same thing for a guy because honestly, remembering the order of your hook-ups and who they are should never be an issue. And while I'm all for enjoying sex, you should be having quality over quantity because even in college you don't want to be THAT girl.

  21. bunny says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 20092:19 pm 

    Woman hating?

    Sorry if i offended anyone but I don’t hate WOMEN (as i am one) just silly little GIRLS that ruin our reputation by thinking sexual liberation is manifested in the form of shagging as many guys as they get offered.

    It doesnt say much for us, does it?

    And promiscuity is just a nicer way of saying easy.

    The amount of times random guys think its ok to slap my ass in public, grab my tits or put their hands on my (already claimed for) body just because I take pride in the way I appear is ridiculous, it honestly makes me so angry, and its because little slappers make them think it’s ok for men to assault us in clubs and bars and actively encourage it.

    Have all women lost their sense of self respect? Any girl that I personally know who has had more men than she could count on her fingers has had self-esteem issues, but now it seems it’s spreading into the entire of womankind.

    They’ll not remember you once they’ve laid you for the most part, but if a guy sees a desirable girl in a club he’s gonna remember her and want her so much more because he knows he cant get her (and as me and my brother in law were talking about the other day, guys love what they don’t have – tits for example.)

    Also, my comments are not anonymous. Bunny Harley is my name (although admittedly Bunny is a handle I’ve had since I was much younger, and not my real first name – which I never get called anyways), I’m a smart, opinionated (slightly nerdy *—*) girl from Scotland who is getting by with modelling (not the type that would degrade my dignity, before anyone jumps on that) and a small amount of commissioned drawing work, and anyone who wants a link to my personal websites is welcome to them. I live with a few boys including my fiancee, and tbh they agree with my post, underlining my point that women have no pride in being desired any more.

    I’m not the sort to post “hate” and hide, I simply want to know why you all don’t think its good to have a body that everyone wants but hardly anyone can get.

    I’d imagine at your college campuses, theres a gorgeous girl who will not touch any boy below her league (even to the extent that college boys are a complete no-no) and every guy subsequently thinks she’s the hottest thing ever, is there not?

  22. bunny says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 20091:58 pm 

    chyeaa is obviously a retard since i aready mentoned im engaged – ie getting it 4 times a day at least – and also an attractive girl who gets harassed by men all the time because little sluts make them think its ok.

  23. bunny says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 20091:59 pm 

    sara – exactly my point!

    We should be desired, not easy

    xox

  24. Penelope says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 20099:05 pm 

    I have a bad memory, were I to need one, I would have a list. I am also very OCD about organization and I like the chronological aspect of recording romances. Please don't judge me, I am only answering to the author of this enlightening post. Thanks

  25. Maggie says:
    Sat, 24th Jan 20099:13 pm 

    I would like to say to the author, Elizabeth, that I am aware of the fact that you didn't publish your numbers of home runs, 'MO's', or inbetween's and that it's a shame the commentors of this article are quick to interject their own numbers in those columns that might not give you the benefit of the doubt.

  26. TK says:
    Sun, 25th Jan 20097:51 am 

    Firstly I think that those judging the 'Hit List' makers should probably listen to Maggie- aren't we all assuming that the list is necessary simply because the numbers of men on it are too high? It's perfectly rational to assume that the numbers aren't actually that high and the list is just a form of journal, something to remember and reminisce about rather than your go-to for when someone gets chlamydia.

    Secondly, I'd like to respond to Bunny's comments- I agree that promiscuity has reached a place in society which it shouldn't have. In that some (hopefully a minority) believe that promiscuity is a badge of honor and that anyone who doesn't give themselves away easily is frigid.

    However, the part I have a problem with is the claim that all women should aspire to be 'a revered, untouchable goddess' as it is put above. Surely this is just pandering to age-old male beliefs about the purity of women. Has feminism done nothing for us if we all still believe that the only way to attract a worthy man is to be aloof and sexually un-liberated?

    Personally, I agree with the idea of keeping a 'hit-list' in some form or another if only for humorous purposes. As women we should take pride in our sexuality just as much as men and to some this means acknowledging their conquests. The most important thing to remember here is that it is far sadder to look back at your sexual history and see it marred and perhaps empty due to the chauvinistic ideals or men rather than full of not entirely brilliant but at least true experiences.

  27. molly says:
    Sun, 25th Jan 200910:42 am 

    Who decides what number is "waaaayy too many"?

    3?

    5?

    20?

    I have a list, even though I've only been w/ guys.

    Am I a skank?

    Judgmental people. Everyone is different, how dare you decide what is right for them.

  28. molly says:
    Sun, 25th Jan 200910:43 am 

    *5 guys

  29. Hot Girls says:
    Sun, 25th Jan 200911:54 am 

    http://www.myspacemobi.com hot guys and girls

  30. Jes says:
    Sun, 25th Jan 20096:08 pm 

    I like online sites like my little black book because not only to they track your risks of stds and make in amazingly easy to keep tabs on your sexual health (something that's important whether you've been with one guy or twenty..), but they also give you a bunch of charts showing what times of the day you are most sexually active what positions you most use, etc etc.

    Which, regardless of how many men you've been with, is both informative and fun!

  31. bunny says:
    Sun, 25th Jan 20097:45 pm 

    No, TK, by "untouchable" I didnt mean completely aloof and "sexually un-liberated"; in fact, i was wondering how sleeping with loads of guys is "sexual liberation" – to liberate is to free, but sex feels so much more free and better when you're really comfortable with the person and he's not just a new date or a random bar stranger.

    I know I'll just get attacked for this (one might say i deserve it) but to be honest, although feminism deserves unending respect for the redemption they have served for womenkind in many aspects, I personally don't understand the over the top feminist ideals. I don't consider feminism not something I completely would back up if it came to it, but then again I've never wanted to be one of those strong chicks, more a softer type that boys feel they need to protect. But I digress…

    Molly, props to you if you were in a proper (and I mean actual proper and not just a few dates 'proper') relationship with all five of them, but in my honest opinion (which many of you clearly don't wanna know haha) if you're the age I'm guessing you are – between 17 and early twenties – 5 guys is still a lil excessive unless, as I say, unless theres a real thing going on.

  32. bunny says:
    Sun, 25th Jan 20098:16 pm 

    2 more things, Penelope, there is nothing wrong with that. I know someone very close with a slight OCD problem, and even though it is not desperately serious but still quite bad, it makes their life literally hell.

    And yes, Jes and TK, i agree it's not terrible if theres a few names and you're simply keeping it to reminisce, but theres some lines in this column that make it sound like more than that:

    "a wholesome feeling of accomplishment…" and the continuing statement "too see how far.." makes sex sound like a game. "Think of it as the trophy case of hook-ups" is completely self-explanatory – its so degrading to the "hookups" that are people and not trophies! How would you feel if someone labelled you as some shag that they can add to their notches on the bedpost?

    "As time goes on and you find yourself thrown into the college hook-up scene" should be "as time goes by you notice you're an attention loving skank with no self discipline or dignity"

    heres the kicker

    "[on STIs] …Plus, you’ll even know which tool to blame for your most unfortunate circumstance."

    This is wrong on so many levels and so so fucking stupid it's unbelievable. For the incredibly imbecilic: the "tool" to blame for that "unfortunate circumstance" is you, and it's not an unfortunate circumstance, you were enough of a fucking moron to get infected in the first place. And the last few sentances are ridiculous too. No, it hasnt happened to the best of us, because it hasn't happened to any self-respecting girl I know, and we're most certainly not the best there is, so you could maybe say it's happened to (stealing from someone else's comment *___-) THAT girl, (although there seems to be hundreds of them) and selfish skanks. same thing?

    didnt want to get mean there but i re-read the article and it drove me mad (to be fair, every post i've made has been at about 6am here – in scotland, i know the times look midday on here – when i've been up all day, so tough shit)

    xx

    anyways

    bunny out

    (for tonight at least :P )

  33. Emily says:
    Mon, 26th Jan 20095:09 pm 

    I completely agree with Bunny. I was shocked when I read this article, I've only ever been with one person, who I am very in love with, and I can't imagine how you could look at how many guys you have sex with as an accomplishment. I'm attending the largest college in my state, and I know tons of people here from different backgrounds and different styles of living. But there's one thing I can tell you, I don't know any girls who look on how many guys they've been with as a level of achievement, and the guys who do view things that way tend to be chauvinistic pricks you wouldn't ever WANT to date.

    I just can't believe this many girls think that this is a way to value yourself, and find this as a common, fulfilling way of life. I used to wonder how men could view women as little more than sexual objects. Unfortunately, this blog and many of the people posting on it have shown me.

    Ladies, let's have a little self-respect.

  34. Jill says:
    Fri, 30th Jan 200911:43 pm 

    All of the judgment here is making me sick. Personally, I've only had one partner but I don't see what's wrong with the concept of a list. Some people view sex as a sacred act or something that should only be shared with a loved one, others view it as something that feels good and is fun to do with various people that they find attractive – the thing is, neither viewpoint is wrong.

    If a woman is being safe about sex(condoms, regular STI tests, etc.) then I honestly don't see what the problem is. Certainly some women have a lot of sex due to bad self esteem, but the same can be said of women who avoid sex due to body image issues. There are women capable of having a good deal of sex, with multiple partners, and feeling fabulous about themselves in the process – yet you rarely see these women judging those who have less sex then them.

    Cattiness and judgment between women is way more damaging to our reputation as women then those who choose to pursue a freer sex life. (And, FYI, women who enjoy regular sex usually are not receptive to being grabbed randomly either – that's sexual assault Bunny and I don't see how that fits in here)

  35. Tif says:
    Wed, 4th Feb 20097:49 pm 

    Jill, you appear to be the voice of sanity here. Some women enjoy sex for the thrill of it, just like people enjoy rollercoasters. Others like myself, enjoy the feeling of bonding with my one and only. That is the true sexual liberation, being able to choose what type of sex you like, not being told. For those who truly enjoy sex for the thrill of it, its absolutely appropriate to make a list. It might not only track STDs but other things like Mono for example. As long as a woman is smart enough to know what could happen to her and takes steps to prevent it, its not my place to judge her. With all the info out there, any one un-informed probably doesn't care.

    I myself keep a journal, to help track my own sex life with my boyfriend to find ways to keep it exciting and to remember what we liked and didn't like. I'm not always very regular about writing in it, but it does exist, Its handy with my notoriously bad memory (my grandma still hasn't forgiven me for forgetting her birthday…which is the day before mine). Not everyone has the memory of an elephant.

    And Bunny, if you don't like being groped then perhaps you should avoid places like bars where there is alcohol present, well known fact that it lowers inhibitions and bars are places that people generally look for hook-ups. And I don't know any woman, sexual-thrill-seeker or soulmate-seeker, who allows random guys to assault her in public without some ball-busting taking place. There are plenty of guys who enjoy a thrill-seeking sex life who would never touch a woman without her permission.

  36. Jes says:
    Thu, 5th Feb 20097:49 pm 

    "That is the true sexual liberation, being able to choose what type of sex you like, not being told."

    kudos!

    very well put, tif.

  37. Jake Holden says:
    Sat, 14th Feb 20093:14 pm 

    I've got a Google Docs spreadsheet with Name, date, what we got up to etc in it. I can remember all these things but I like having it all in list form too.

    http://factsandfriction.blogspot.com/

  38. Ness says:
    Mon, 13th Apr 20097:40 pm 

    I'm a little late reading this article, but I really feel the urge to respond here.

    Bunny, I'm 18 and have recently slept with my 3rd partner. I am not promiscuous by any means, and actually went through a really hard time after it happened with feeling like a slut.

    It's people like you who made me feel that way.

    Luckily, I have moved past that insecurity… I made a responsible, informed choice to have sex with a friend of mine and that's what it wasn't. It doesn't make me any less of a woman, and it certainly doesn't make me any less desirable.

    Kudos to the author of this article for sharing. And also for putting up with BS judgmental comments.

  39. hahaha says:
    Tue, 30th Jun 20091:03 am 

    bunny you need to get your head out of your ass. don't you DARE blame asshole guys thinking they can touch you on girls who have sex with more people than YOU think are appropriate. part of sexual liberation means realizing that we have sexual needs as women, needs that have so often been ignored and repressed. so if we want to go have sex with people, who are YOU to say it's wrong? and emily, i respect myself VERY much, thanks, as i'm sure many of these other women do. people like you and bunny seriously make me SICK because you're tearing women down for being free and in touch with themselves. get. a. GRIP.

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