Eff You, Blakely, Georgia
I am usually not one to hate an entire group of people for the mistakes of one (except OSU students…I really do strongly dislike them all), but this time it’s different.
This time it involves food. And not just any food, peanut butter.
Peanut butter has been the one constant in my life over the past 4 years. When boys upset me, I turned to peanut butter on a spoon. When friends upset me, I turned to peanut butter mixed with vanilla ice cream. When my jeans got too tight from all that PB on a spoon/in ice cream, I turned to peanut butter Power Bars to fuel my workouts. And when I got sick of working out and instead wanted to numb the pain, I smoked some pot and then turned to PB and Cheese crackers.
Peanut butter was my friend when I was feeling lonely, and my support base when I needed it most.
And now those f**kers in Blakely, Georgia have gone and ruined it for me. According to news reports, the people of Blakely are behind this whole peanut butter emergency; their factory was full of bacteria (not to mention roaches) and they knew their products were testing positive for Salmonella…but shipped them out anyway.
And now the country is freaking out and everyone is pulling my precious peanut butter products from store shelves. Even organic products! No one knows how widespread this outbreak is or when it will be resolved, so we all just have to sit tight as more and more products get added to the list.
So, thanks, people of Blakely, Georgia. Thanks a lot! My only saving grace in this moment of emotional stress is the knowledge that my precious Girl Scout Tagalongs were not affected.