Overheard: (Not) Super Bowl Edition

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!

By John

Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“My breasts are like bass drums. Actually, one of them’s bigger than the other, so I guess they’re more like timpani.”

“Hello, Mr. T-Rex. So, you’re a dinosaur. What’s your favorite color?”

“… Blllluuue.”

“And what’s your favorite movie?”

“Space Jam.

“How’s it look?”

“The audience is rubbing themselves vigorously. Showtime.”

“I don’t understand how pandas could ever become extinct. They’re so cute! Nothing has the heart to eat them.”

“They’re all in jail. Tax fraud. The poor things can’t read, you know.”

“Motors… they’re like hearts. And you need your heart to play kickball.”

“The apartment will be fine. We’ll just all squeeze into the same bed.”

“You’ll need to start masturbating less.”

“Like I said: it’ll be fine.”

“So – the snake’s talked to Eve, and now God’s talking to the snake. What does this mean?”

“… God’s a Parseltongue?”

“The internship hasn’t been bad so far. Boring, I guess. I do a lot of stapling, paper-clipping, copying, stuff like that. And when I tried to leave early, my boss chained me to the desk.”

“Well… is she hot?”

“Vodka, cranberry juice and cooked spaghetti? This isn’t a shot! You’re bulls***ing me.”

“No! Okay, yes.”

“Next year? Honestly, I’d like to go somewhere where they’re friendly to tourists, you know, where they speak my language.”

“Well, I assure you that all of the animals in Narnia are fluent in English.”

“I had a dream where… where I bought an Orange Julius, and it cost like ten dollars, and it was terrible. God, I’m so glad you woke me up.”

“Yeah, that sounds terrifying. I just dreamed about the zombie apocalypse.”

“Okay, Cardinals over here, Steelers over here, we’ll each have our own drinks, game music, it’ll be great. You ready? What team are you rooting for?”

“Can I cheer for the stadium maintenance staff?”