Senioritis: Things You Can’t Do in the Real World

February 3, 2009 Posted in HaHa, Reality

While I’m not known for having tons of morals, standards, or values, I do know the difference between purchasing something and stealing it. However, for some reason, taking things without exchanging money at college is not considered stealing. It’s considered hilarious, thrifty, and even heroic in some cases.

By Jenni

Throughout the past four years I’ve improved my stealing skills and I can now easily slip an entire overhead projector into my pants while distracting my professor with nonsensical questions about alternative office hours. And the best part about taking things at college is that it’s not the use that’s important; but rather the obscurity. A traffic cone? Awesome! Frat Composite? Sick! A wheelchair? Stellar!

But now as I sit in my living room looking at the stolen fishbowl full of billiard balls, the cabinet filled with dining hall forks, and the freshman we took to do the housework, I’m starting to realize that it’s soon time for me to stop grabbing everything I can put my hands on. I didn’t realize it had become a problem until I was home over winter break in the mall and I found myself straining to pocket everything that wasn’t nailed down to the floor. I would walk down the supermarket aisle with my mom and whisper “pocket the apples, frozen peas in the purse.” She not only did not abide, but she questioned how she raised me so wrong. ( I have a long list if she’s truly interested one day, but that’s another blog.)

In just a few months I will enter a world where stealing is never okay. Like so not okay that it’s considered illegal and can result in a jail sentence. And while I’ll definitely keep my traffic cone, I can’t imagine operating in a place where my bosses won’t chuckle if they catch me taking the copy machine home at the end of the night. And if my stealing days are over, that means a lot of other “college-only” things are over. There’s no more eating a bag of chips and salsa at 3 a.m while doing the chicken dance to 90′s mixes, no more using Christmas lights as a high-class decoration, and no more getting decked out in heels and shirt-dresses to go out in upstate New York.

But for now, I still have three more months. And that’s plenty of time to steal everything I’ll need for the “real” world.

And right now, I’m eyeing a panini press from the dining halls.

1651420 Comments2009-02-03+18%3A39%3A04Jenni+-+Syracuse on "Senioritis: Things You Can’t Do in the Real World"

Kristina says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20099:10 am

Glad to know I'm not the only person in the world who has a traffic cone in her apartment. (In my defense, it isn't mine…)

Lauren, University o says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20099:22 am

We have a street sign (and someone had to hop a fence and stepped on a rusty nail to get it!)

Natalie says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20099:27 am

We had 3 street signs and numerous traffic cones in our yard last year. Add to that the wheelbarrow, giant shovel and pickaxe that our landlady kept there and it totally resembled a builder's yard. LOL!

Jess says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 200911:34 am

This made me laugh out loud.

My best steal ever? Paper towel dispenser from the dorm. The BF's bar at the frat house needed a paper towel dispenser, like, can you even buy those?

Cali says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 200912:12 pm

i knew a kid who stole a waffle iron from the dinning hall…epic

Kallie says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 200912:27 pm

Oh wow. This is sooo awesome. I was walking my drunk buddy home one night, and we saw a stack of traffic cones… so I carried all 4 of them, and my buddy home!

K says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 200912:44 pm

I'm not a big stealer, probably because I'm not slick enough to get away with it, but freshman year two of my good friends managed to take a chair from the dining hall. Not a shitty plastic chair, but a nice comfy one… I'm still not sure how they didn't get caught but it was one of the funniest things ever.

Jen says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20091:48 pm

There's a story at my school about some students stealing (and later selling) sets of tables and chairs from the older dining hall.

And we had a waffle iron stolen here as well last semester. (Which was funny, but left me standing in longer lines for waffles.)

It all leaves me very curious about the methods of distraction used. I've seen people get in trouble for trying to take out more than more piece of fruit, after all.

Raeann says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20092:05 pm

I WISH I had a fishbowl full of billiard balls. What a cool centerpiece.

Megan says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20094:43 pm

Thats such a good place to put billiarballs… right now I just have atleast a set and a half lining the floor in my closet…cause clearly I dont have my own table.

Jessie says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20095:01 pm

A waffle iron was stolen at my school last year. The most I've personally taken is just fruit and bagels for breakfast the next day. I have enough random stuff in my room that I brought from my own home to take anything else.

My good friends go to our rival school and take stuff all the time. Mostly signs from the football field, but there are some REALLY good stories. Gotta love rivalry.

Samantha says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20095:08 pm

Aww man, all I've been taking is food for the next day's lunch and silverware! I gotta step it up.

Olivia says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20095:41 pm

This isnt me, but my ex loves to steal lawn ornaments for my best friend and I.

I currently have a large ceramic purple snail and a lawn gnome on my bookcase. My friend has a turtle. We've named them and everything. lol

Oh and my roommate and I are all about the dining hall silverware and napkins.

Kelsy says:
Tue, 3rd Feb 20099:42 pm

Olivia – that is fantastic. I want a ceramic snail!

AND a fishbowl full of billiard balls. I mean, what a talking point.

I'm just in awe. Definitely going to have to improve my game. The best I've ever had is the obligatory road cones and signs.

Shea says:
Wed, 4th Feb 20097:43 am

Baha this article made my day.

Two of my guy friends stole the giant orientation sign and got away with it. Then during Christmas they stole the dorms xmas tree… it was fantasmical. seriously.

My mother got caught steeling a lawn gnome when she was in college & got caught. It seems as tho this is a generational thing, but we're better at getting away haha.

Becca says:
Wed, 4th Feb 20098:31 am

Heh. my traffic cone is sitting in my hallway… it gets signed by everyone in my apartment

D. says:
Thu, 5th Feb 20093:36 am

Um, am I the only one who thinks it's messed up to say stealing is okay while you're in college?

Sarah says:
Thu, 5th Feb 20099:36 am

Ha, here in Nashville (well, right outide Nashville – Murfreesboro) we have a creek that goes by the name of 'Cripple.'

Sure enough, my bestie and I hopped a fence and climbed a tree to rip that damn 'Cripple Creek' sign off the post!

Elle says:
Sun, 8th Feb 20095:54 pm

hahaha. all these comments are hilarious. my guy friends and i have a bunch of street signs we've stolen. my fave is the "crime watchers" and "watch children" signs. from college though we always take trays from the caf and one time we took a bunch of cones from a construction site on campus and put them right in front of the door in our dorm hall, we watched people trip over them all night. hahaha I also knew a couple guys that stole the sign off of one of our class buildings… I have no idea how they did it, but i think their RA saw it in their apartment and they got caught