I want to just clear up one thing that I think lies at the root of this issue, and it's totally my fault: When I give "my opinion" in this article, it is often a crude mix of what I personally believe along with a lot of what I imagine to be the "average" guy's beliefs, understandings, motivations, desires, whatever…

It's true, I do try to generalize – because, what's the point in hearing only what I think? Most of you will never meet me or deal with me in any significant capacity. So I try to generalize, in order to maybe help explain a broader sampling of the male population's viewpoint.

Because of this, I do say some sexist or stereotypical or ignorant things from time to time as an attempt to replicate the viewpoint that I am sure many of you run into with men regularly. (Not that I'm innocent in any way – just that a lot of what might be thought of as sexist or stereotyping is not the same opinion I would express in my personal life about that same matter.) And other times, I'll give my personal opinion, which is then confused because of this awkward jump in expressed perspective.

Obviously I need to do a better job of distinguishing between the two perspectives, which I will do from now on. Also, I'll make sure to ask more questions of the girl, to level-out the nature of the conversation.

Oh, and Jodi, guys cracking jokes about your boobs is just their very immature way of saying that they want you with a horny intensity that could take down a full-grown rhinoceros. Obnoxious, I know. But deep down, it's a compliment. Take it or leave it…or tell them to shut the f**K up.

And let me rant and rave about some OTHER article from the archives while I'm on my soap box! This poor guys is being asked his opinion on a matter he's BAITED into talking about. I bet if you asked him why all guys are assholes he'd give you some kind of response on that as well, but nobody asked him that. The guy is just doing his job and I know that I always try to convey to my boyfriend some kind of warning about my upcoming period and he is usually sensitive/appreciative of that so if I come home from work in a huff (or "crazy") he knows to treat me with a little extra TLC, or to avoid me all together. Is that so terrible and unbelievable?

We need less people like you on the ladies team- you're a bit crazy. . .

Actually, I do read this feature pretty frequently. What I’ve noticed is that you, unlike the other person in this conversation, do in fact tend to stereotype or generalize more than the other person, and to fall back on stereotypes in order to justify your arguments. Those stereotypes tend to be demeaning to women. You also tend to lecture your conversational partner rather than listening to her, putting your opinions across as indisputable truth. You may not realize that you’re doing it, but it’s there. You furthermore tend to blame girls for having emotional needs that conflict with pleasing their menfolks, and in fact the whole emphasis on man-pleasing, rather than both sides of a relationship having equal responsibility (or, hell, girls and guys having something else to talk about other than relationships) has been off-putting for quite a while now.

Case in point: in the last “He Said/She Said” – don’t have time to read through the whole archive and discuss this point-by-point, sorry – you said that red flags included (a) having an eating disorder, a serious illness that rises in many cases from poor self-esteem, and can’t possibly be helped by callous rejection, nor cured because some random guy finds it inconvenient, (b) having been pissed off by a former boyfriend, (c) going to a therapist, or (d) objecting to you for oh-so-classily ogling other women in front of them. You also said that “every girl you’ve dated has seemed a little crazy,” which you attribute to them being girls (oh, will the sexes EVER understand each other? Let’s make sure they don’t by calling girls “crazy” when they talk about their inner lives!) and saying that you can only put up with it because they’re hot. So, you know, women are only valuable for their bodies, which are there to be hot and fuckable, and their minds and emotions just get in the way. I don’t know if you know how disrespectful, ugly, and sexist you sounded – maybe you’ve never really been called out on it in the past – but trust me, that was exactly how you came across. You have to think about whether or not that’s who you want to be.

By the bye, dude? Restricting women’s value as human beings to having “hot” bodies, and disregarding their emotional needs? Not necessarily UNrelated to the prevalence of eating disorders in this world.

And yes, when asked what women could do to make sure their men don’t think they’re crazy, the “first thing,” the most important thing, the first place your mind went, was their periods. As if THAT, not your own deficiencies in listening and respecting them, were to blame.

And when the other person makes a joke that is basically agreeing with you? You huff and puff and say you “won’t” have the conversation if she insists on “dogging” men. Again: the problem isn’t women having opinions, it’s your failure to listen and respect them. If you insist on being flattered, you’re never going to get anywhere near the truth.

Signed,

Big Crazy Vagina-Haver

I opt not to voice my entire reaction to the article and subsequent replies, but suffice it to say that I appreciate having an honest male opinion in considering gender relations.

When I learned several years ago to just flat out tell him why I'm upset, he immediately goes, "Oh crap, okay, thats fine…. I didnt know what you were thinking over there! Please come over, I wasnt sure if you wanted to." Or something similar… It wasnt that he wasnt listening, he jsut didnt know what language I was speaking, in a way.

The point here is: men do not have any idea what we're thinking, and yes we do have to flat out tell them. It not a girl's or guy's fault that we think/perceive differently, its just our make-up. You have to learn that guys and girls think completely differently and how to communicate clearly before you can see that it's no one's fault.

Guys need things laid out for them. And girls just need to know that once their guy KNOWS what they're thinking, he's willing to make you feel better. But we are truly two completely different creatures and its like we speak seperate languages…