Whether you’re in a relationship or not, Valentine’s Day can be a pretty annoying holiday. If you’re single, you can either end up pouting in your room with a King Sized Reese’s or getting set up with some rando to take you out on a potentially awkward date. (My advice? Forget the whole thing and go have fun with your friends.)
When you’re in a relationship, however, a whole new set of problems can arise. For instance, is there really a romantic gift out there that you can give to your guy without freaking him out or insulting is masculinity? Just like in any other case, the best gifts in life are free and usually involve sex. For those of us who like to go the extra mile, I’ve compiled a list of spicy activities that you and your guy can enjoy together. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Bust out the edible massage oil – What guy doesn’t like a massage? And what girl doesn’t love sweets (especially when licking it off their boyfriend’s hot bod)? I like to think that this activity combines the two best activities out there. You can even make your own massage oil from random things laying around the house. Plus, there is a high chance that your boyfriend will reciprocate your affection (in more than one way) by the time the night’s through.
Cook a romantic dinner in aprons. Nope, no clothes. Just aprons. – The more romantic, delicious, and lickable the food you make together, the better. I like the idea of dipping fresh strawberries in a home-made chocolate fondue. Add some champagne, mood lighting, and chocolate body painting and you’re in business.
Move it to the Bathroom – This is for all you romantics out there. It’s time to say goodbye to your routine shower-quickie. This Valentine’s Day, it’s all about going big. I’m talkin’ intense bubbles, vanilla scented candles, and a Barry White on the record player. (Okay maybe not the last one, you’re not your Aunt Sally, after all). Kill two birds with one stone and get clean while gettin dirrrrrty.
Jump his bones – Invite him to a feux-romantic date. When he shows up on your porch (hopefully with flowers) stun him by opening the door in your scantily-clad bod and pulling him inside. The bigger the surprise, the better, so be sure to make your fake plans extra mushy so he doesn’t expect anything resembling sex. “Hey honey, how about this Valentine’s Day we go to the ballet then watch The Notebook?” Perfect.
Get Ballsy – Instead of your normal hum-drum I Love You Handsome Valentine’s Day card, give him something that will really spark his interest. Step 1: Pick out a frilly pink romantic V-day card at Hallmark. Step 2: Write a lonnggg list of all the things you want to do to him that night. Step 3: Give it to him when he least expects it; leave it on his car before his class, give it to him when you exchange gifts at a romantic dinner, or have a stranger deliver it to him in the middle of campus. Step 4: Deliver on your promises. I swear he won’t be able to get you off his mind for the entire day.
Go Off-Site – If you’re feeling a little well-off (aka, not broke), take your romantic evening to a cheap-ish hotel. It will feel much more exciting hooking up in an unfamiliar place rather than the bed you’ve slept in every night since freshman year. Plus, there’s no chance of his awkward 30 year old roommate walking in on you or hearing you through the walls while he’s watching the Price is Right.