He Cuddles With Other Girls: Ok or Not Ok?

After a recent production with a free love hippie who was supposedly sleeping sexily only in my bed, I have some questions.

This boy, god bless is heart, is an intimacy ninja. While he swears to every god under the sun, as well as the sun, that he has only been pairing his goodies with my goodies, he also has a couple of female friends with whom he cuddles. As in wraps his arms and legs around in a loving way.

And it is nothing more than a feel-good display of affection.

Upon announcing this to my girlfriends, the reactions varied, but all in the same direction:

“He CUDDLES with other girls? WHAAAAAAT?”

Upon announcing the news break to my male friends, the reactions were pretty humiliating:

“You’re an idiot, he is totally f*cking these girls.”

I’d reckon you might be feeling one of these two things right now, too. But let’s break it down.

Have you never cuddled with someone else just as a friend? I have boys who I have cuddled with in the past, and, yes, still would without it being anything more than platonic affection.

But where do we really draw the line in this gray area? Provided we trust a person at the core, is cuddling in itself an infidelity of a sort? Can cuddling really be the be-all end-all, or is it just a pit-stop on the way to sexy time?

When I friend-cuddle with boys, I have to admit: I know they’d let something else happen if I wanted something else to happen. In fact, from all of the experiences I have had in life thus far, these sorts of situations will turn into more if the girl wants them to turn into more.

Which means that maybe I should be wary of my man; who knows if he’d stop his lady friend if she decided to try naked cuddling for a night?

But I trust him. At least I want to.

What do you think, lovely ladies of the internet world?



  1. Jaclyn says:

    My opinion? Talk to him about it. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell him, and tell him that if you're going to be in a relationship you'd be much more comfortable without him snuggling up to other girls. If he truly respects and values you, he'll stop–maybe not because he agrees, but because he doesn't want to lose you. Just because he wants to doesn't mean he has to if it means something to you.

    And if he decides to anyway? That's when you decide whether you can deal with it. (I wouldn't.)

  2. Jaclyn says:

    Bad writing–Just because he wants to snuggle up with others, I meant. That…sounds bad as is.

  3. laur says:

    Why does he need to do something so intimate as snuggling with other girls if he has you? Even if he isn't doing anything else, I wouldn't feel so great about my guy in bed or laying with another girl. However, if you guys are so loyal that you trust him, you're one of a few very lax girls. :)

  4. Candie says:

    I wouldn't be okay with it, but hey if you trust your man and you're sure there's nothing else going on, I applaud you for not being the jealous type :)

  5. Jen says:

    I'm in the same boat where I constantly cuddle with people, but on average at least one person in the cuddle scenario would do something if given the green light. I'd be a little uneasy if my man was cuddling with another girl. Likewise if I was with someone I'd be a cuddle snob and only cuddle with him.

  6. C says:

    Trust your gut. If it feels okay to you, he's probably okay. I mean…I cuddle with lots of guy friends where we wouldn't even think of going anywhere sexual. I mean yeah some guys would go there if allowed but you know your guy, and if it feels okay to you then don't worry about it.

  7. Abby says:

    I used to have this one guy friend who I used to cuddle with all the time, and I think these other comments are totally right – something would have happened if I'd wanted it to. I would talk to your guy about it, if it's making you uncomfortable.

  8. Olivia says:

    I think it depends on the guy and girl in the cuddle scenario. One of my best friends is a guy and we cuddle all the time and I know for a fact that neither of us would want it to progress any further. He has a serious girlfriend and she's completely ok with my friend and I being comfortable enough w/ one another to hug and cuddle. Sometimes it's just a comfort thing as opposed to a potentially sexual thing.

  9. Lucy says:

    I would be pissed.

  10. Marney says:

    Terrible idea! Cuddling is an intimate time both physically and mentally. When else besides sex are two peoples bodies so close, its also a time when two people share and talk. I think its something that should be reserved for your bf or gf!

  11. maddie says:

    i wouldn't be down with that, but i agree with jaclyn, you need to have a conversation about it. personally i think the cuddling thing is weird, i wouldn't do that with anyone i know besides my boyfriend, and i would definitely feel weirded out if i found out he was cuddling with other girls on a regular basis. something to consider is the kind of messages these girls might be reading into his behavior… and whether they know he has a girlfriend. i'm not saying he's cheating on you, but if those girls don't know that they might be more inclined to try to make a move instead of keeping it platonic.

  12. Leah says:

    I have a guy friend who loves to cuddle and hug in general. And, though single, he would cuddle with me sometimes. And I thought it was platonic too. But then our cuddling lead to more, and it was not something I started. Didn't stop it though. So I'd be careful. Guys think with their crotch, not their heads.

  13. Grady says:

    This is so interesting to me! When I read this post I was shocked that it was even an issue – I cuddle with my close guy friends and most of my friends all cuddle with each other as just a way to show affection, nothing more – guys and girls.

    However, I would say that you and your guy should talk this over and if it's a concern for you than he should respect that. I think it's one of those situations that just has to be talked and agreed upon, you know?

  14. beverly says:

    If I want to cuddle with my guy friends, I feel like I don't really have the right to get on my boyfriend about it.

    Honestly…I would expect him to trust me (and he does), so I would give him that same trust.

  15. Jes says:

    The only guy friends I cuddle with besides my boyfriend are my gay friends! lol

  16. Lex says:

    You know, this is probably going to sound really random, but I think it also depends somewhat on culture. I'm from the South, where guys and girls are really careful about touching each other and what could be read into it, but I've also studied up North for a summer where all the boys and girls went for the puppy mentality and we all piled together, regardless of sex. I think what it really boils down to is his intentions and how much you trust him.

  17. Jenn says:

    Just go to pick up some toys, who cares if he cuddles with other girls. Try the Lelo line it is awesome.

  18. Erin says:

    I agree with Jes! Besides my bf, I only cuddle with my gays ! :D

  19. e says:


    Way no.

  20. Michelle says:

    NO. Cuddling is intimate. If the two of you are exclusive, don't allow him to be intimate with other girls! Do you cuddle with other guys while you are seeing this cuddling whore? I don't think so! And thats because he is the only one you are interested in. He wouldn't cuddle with other girls if he wasn't interested in them. And like you said, if those girls give him the chance to become more than just convenient cuddlers, he would take it.

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  22. Jenny says:

    The fact that he's already opened up to you about it says a lot to me. If he was really looking for something beyond cuddling with other girls, I don't think he'd be as open about it. If you are concerned, I would definitely talk to him about it and see what's up.

    That's not something I would be okay with, but different strokes for different folks, y'know? I'm not going to bash something that works for one couple that wouldn't work for me in my own relationship.

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  24. owifb says:

    i think you are being dumb. You “guy” friends are guys after all. I’m sure they would know whether or not that’s something you do. If it really bothers you tell him what you think. Otherwise, i think he’s playing you. No guy “cuddles” a girl that he isn’t with.

  25. Anon says:

    Guys like me set parameters as to how far we will go with others girls who are not our significant others. I will cuddle most of my female friends who also have "the puppy mentality" and know that we're cuddling as friends in a "platonic relationship". It might be helpful to see if he develops certain tendencies to go for certain females… if more than one that just means what it means (nothing)… one could mean bad news. When the two of you are in the same place and he chooses another girl over you… also bad news.

    I maintained a long distance (read: hundreds of miles) relationship for over a year. If you trust him, let him do what he wants; you'll find in any relationship (especially long distance) communication, communication, communication is the most important thing. Talk to him about it.

  26. Chris says:

    I can't really say i am a good representation of the male gender, because i find that i am not at all like most guys, but i have similar situation as your boy, where i have several girls that i cuddle with when my girl is away or on vacation. We are in an open relationship, so i am legitimately allowed to do anything physical with any of them, however i prefer to just cuddle. Although i find the girls that i cuddle with attractive not a single sexual thought goes on in my mind, i just like the closeness i guess. If it weren't for the fact that I can't go a minute around my girlfriend without wanting to screw her brains out, i'd question my sexuality as asexual, so as help to your question…well i can't even really figure out what to suggest, i mean if guys were all like me, i'd tell you to have no worries, but most guys are not like me…so i suppose if he seems trustworthy and possibly not like other guys in the sense that he seems to enjoy cuddling more than sex, than u should be fine. if there are other hints of him cheating, i'd be a bit more hesitant about it. I'm interested in hearing more about this if u can reply or something if u get a chance, this is an interesting post…

  27. goober says:

    fuck no. He has you. he doesn’t need to cuddle with other girls. That is what you are for.

  28. Robert says:

    Let me say there is a difference between naked cuddling and clothed cuddling, and cuddling in bed versus a public place. I don't find cuddling on a public park bench in daylight while fully clothed to be a sexual act at all, but rather a sweet moment that can be shared by anyone, couple or not.

    I am single and there is a married woman that I love to cuddle – I don't think our behavior is inappropriate in any way. I also cuddle with my girl cousin sometimes (we don't see each other very often), and, to my knowledge, no-one in or out of the family has seen this as anything other than normal.

    You should consider talking to your bf and the other girls – It could be harmless and sweet or it could be cheating, depending on the exact behavior and feelings of all concerned. You have to make a determination.

  29. van says:

    What happens if the excuse is i was on drugs or i was sooo drunk.

    i don't think it's an excuse cuddling ALWAYS leads to more..

    you got the hand… touching.. then the … kissing.. then there you go. SLUTS.

  30. jjhaya says:

    I went through a similar experience. My boyfriend only cuddled with one other person; however, we had both discussed boundaries prior to the incident and cuddling was something that was seen as too intimate for anyone else but each other. He also waited five months to tell me about it.

    Some details: he was just wearing underwear; she was wearing pjs. He had been drinking, so driving was not an option. Sleeping space was limited and the woman offered him a space on the foam thing which was in the living room. This woman knew that we were dating; she knows me; we all work for the same company. She is married and has a daughter who is only a few years younger than my boyfriend and me. Her daughter is a friend of my boyfriends. The woman told him that he shouldn’t tell me about what they were doing. She instigated it by saying something like, ‘aren’t you going to cuddle me?’ But he could have declined. They have been friends maybe a year longer than we have been dating.

    I guess what I am looking for from you guys is some justification for my resentment of this woman. Yes, she is not the one who is in a relationship with me, but the courteous thing to do is to not make the suggestions she made.

    This info is still fresh – only a few days; I am not quite settled yet. Please give me your thoughts!

    1. Courtney says:

      Be upset because I am right there with you. I'm not saying let this ruin your relationships, but let him know that this upset you and you can't stop that feeling. Then let it fade. If it happens again-anything remotely like that you have full permission to go bitch on his ass.

  31. chel says:

    I had this same situation happen to me, and my boyfriend "warmed up" some girl on the bench while camping. I had never met this girl before, and he had a few times… like 3.

    Anyways I was pissed. I got so mad, but we talked about it and he didn't think it was wrong, but now he agreed to never let anything like that happen again. I still get pissed off thinking about it, but knowing he has said he will not do it again makes this a lot better.

  32. Stacie says:

    There has been times where I would could with a guy friend in my bed. When I am out with friends and drink too much, I need someone to cuddle with me during the night. I would always cuddle with this guy if I could. When just started dating someone, he would say he had to go out of town for business but ended up cuddling with me during the night. I just like the feel of some one cuddling with me. This guy was talk, muscular, and had soft skin!

    Most of the time we would could in our underwear, but there has been a few times we cuddled naked. Yes, his hands would "wonder", but I enjoyed it. No sex at all!

    1. Jason says:

      So you did foreplay with another guy while with your boyfriend?

  33. Maddie says:

    My boyfriend does this..with his supposed best friend.. And if I say something, he acts as if he’s done nothing wrong! Am I horrible for feeling jealous because of this??

    1. Courtney says:

      My best girlfriend is doing it with my fiance right now. They are cuddling watching a movie and a part of me knows that he just likes to be intimate and I am sitting right here so of course nothing would happen, but I still would like to kick her ass a little. I think its worse for a woman to do it cause like its said above a woman usually is the one who lets those situations go further. So no. I don't think your crazy. And its more like women should keep themselves accountable and stay away from taken men. But that's my spill.

  34. danny says:

    I don’t think its cheating, as long as your girlfriend trusts you to not go any further than just cuddling also if you (boyfriend) are open about it surely that’s a reassurance to your girlfriend that it is only a friendly non-sexual thing you are doing.

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