We’ve All Been There: The Sweat Pant Weight Gain

February 17, 2009 11:00 am     Posted in Reality  Lauren - University of Michigan g+ page

muffintop.jpgSomehow you ended up with four 9am classes this semester. WTF? You can barely get up for your kickboxing class at noon on Fridays, and someone expects you to make it to class (ready to learn!?) by 8:50am the rest of the week?


By Lauren

Oh hell no.

You hope your professor doesn’t expect you to look presentable. Hell, he should just be happy you left yourself enough time to brush your teeth. Your morning routine is always the same: you roll out of bed at 8:30, grab the first pair of sweats you can find on the floor, throw your hair into a ponytail and run out of the house. You pop into the campus coffee shop en route to lecture and grab a coffee (“Giant, please!”) and something to munch on (“Give me the butteriest bagel you’ve got back there”).

What? It’s early and you need comfort.

You slide into your seat just as the Power Point appears on the wall in front of you. If it weren’t for the food, you’d probably fall right back to sleep; you’re just so comfortable. When class is over, you go to your next class, or to the library, or home for a nap. Whichever you choose, you sport the sweats for the rest of the day: through the classes, the breaks, the meals…

You spend so much time in your sweatpants during the week, in fact, that when the weekend comes and it is time to wear something that doesn’t say “Pink” across the ass you have trouble getting into them. No, not motivating yourself to get dressed; actually getting into them. After the first few weeks of classes your clothes feel a bit snug but you can still make em work (“I must have shrunk these a bit in the dryer….”). As the semester wears on, however, putting on your going-out-jeans has become a sweaty workout.

When the pants stop moving at your thighs, you begin to pull harder. You grab the belt loops and yank, squeezing your thighs, butt and belly into the denim sausage casing. Then you jump around a bit. Then you lay on the bed and see if that helps. If you finally do get those suckers closed, you start lunging around your room, doing squats, and sitting down to see if the denim gives a little bit.

It does not, but you’ve already tried on every other pair in your closet and these fit the best. You decide they will have to do. You throw on a loose shirt on top (to camoflauge the muffin top), throw back a few more drinks and head out.

Your legs and feet begin to fall asleep at some point in the night due to decreased circulation. You have trouble bending your knees to get up the stairs to exit the bar. Your jeans nearly tear as you sit in the cab. When you finally get home and peel those things off  – and notice the deep red line across your belly – you know you’ve got to do something.

It is then that you vow never to wear sweats to class again; those elastic waistbands are far more forgiving of the donuts, the bagels and the sugary Fraps you fill yourself with on a daily basis. (Note: when sober you also realize that cutting those things out of your diet may be a good idea, too.)

We know how you feel. We’ve all had the sweat pant weight gain before. Just get up for that kickboxing class and you’ll be OK.

19 Comments on "We’ve All Been There: The Sweat Pant Weight Gain"

  1. AmyKate says:
    Tue, 17th Feb 20099:26 am 

    Oh my gosh this is SO funny!!

    I made the mistake of reading this in the library at school and laughed so loud, probably disrupted some math homework :)

  2. Samantha says:
    Tue, 17th Feb 200910:38 am 

    I know they wasn't really the point of the article, but I am so sick of girls in sweatpants. WHY? Why are you doing this? Maybe it's comfortable, but it isn't flattering and it makes you look sloppy and lazy. How can you meet with professors looking like that? I don't understand. Everyone else can put on pants in the morning…

  3. Arisa says:
    Tue, 17th Feb 200912:25 pm 

    I just don't understand why girls with tummies want to show it???? And wear really tigt tops to pronounce it?

  4. Erin says:
    Tue, 17th Feb 20092:35 pm 

    I agree, I wear jeans every single day. I don't understand how profs can have full respect for a student who shows up to their class in what they slept in.

  5. Alice says:
    Tue, 17th Feb 20093:45 pm 

    I don't understand how you can gain that much weight just from a few extra bagels! If I find out that my stomach expanded by half an inch (even if this can be rationally explained by post-booze water bloating) I flip the f*ck out and stop eating anything with taste until the pesky half-inch bugger is gone :

  6. Nina says:
    Tue, 17th Feb 20095:51 pm 

    HAHA this is so funny. I totally experienced it my freshman year. Now I wear jeans everyday just to keep myself on track.

  7. Emily says:
    Tue, 17th Feb 20098:09 pm 

    I wear sweatpants when I'm like sick…or running to class after a work out or something…because I actually have extremely full days. And I have a prof who wears sweats in class, so…

  8. april says:
    Wed, 18th Feb 20094:19 pm 

    honestly, I wear sweats to class because I get my butt out of bed early in the morning to make it to a 8am gym class before my 9/9:30 classes,(dont worry i freshen up!) only to continue my workout in the afternoon after classes are over with, unless I have to meet with a professor in the afternoon about something or I have to observe in a school (phys. ed. major)

  9. Hillary says:
    Wed, 18th Feb 20096:09 pm 

    it's better to wear sweats than look huge in tight jeans

  10. lindsey says:
    Thu, 19th Feb 20091:21 pm 

    ha i'm in financial and economic modeling class – which is equally as fun as it sounds… and i read this and had to muffle my laugh… and cries. This is so funny, but it's also true. I wear my nike yoga pants to class (which are NOT like spandex or close fitting, really) and am running from place to place… and I gained the weight. I became so depressed over it i'm at the gym every day and going back to bikram yoga (which i suggest you all try!!) and am sloooowwwwllyyy working it off. ew.

  11. Dorte says:
    Thu, 9th Aug 201210:27 pm 

    To stop – ========== export ORACLE_SID= sid emctl stop dbsnocole srvctl stop instance -d db_unique_name -i instance_name -o immediate Stops instances and stops any services running on specified instances srvctl stop asm -n node_name -i instance_name Stops an Oracle ASM instance srvctl stop nodeapps -n node_name Stops node-level applications on a node in the cluste crsctl stat res -t login as root or sedo root – crsctl stop crs CRS is not sopped everytime. The crsctl stop crs command from 11gR2 shows all the resource getting down.I like it CRS-2791: Starting shutdown of Oracle High Availability Services-managed resources on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.crsd’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2790: Starting shutdown of Cluster Ready Services-managed resources on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.oc4j’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.LISTENER_SCAN3.lsnr’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.LISTENER_SCAN3.lsnr’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.scan3.vip’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.scan3.vip’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2672: Attempting to start ‘ora.scan3.vip’ on ‘ node2 ‘ CRS-2676: Start of ‘ora.scan3.vip’ on ‘ node2 ‘ succeeded CRS-2672: Attempting to start ‘ora.LISTENER_SCAN3.lsnr’ on ‘ node2 ‘ CRS-2676: Start of ‘ora.LISTENER_SCAN3.lsnr’ on ‘ node2 ‘ succeeded CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.oc4j’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2672: Attempting to start ‘ora.oc4j’ on ‘ node2 ‘ CRS-2676: Start of ‘ora.oc4j’ on ‘ node2 ‘ succeeded CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.net1.network’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.net1.network’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2792: Shutdown of Cluster Ready Services-managed resources on ‘ node ‘ has completed CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.crsd’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.cluster_interconnect.haip’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.ctssd’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.evmd’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.mdnsd’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.cluster_interconnect.haip’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.evmd’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.mdnsd’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.ctssd’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.cssd’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.cssd’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.diskmon’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.crf’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.diskmon’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.crf’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.gipcd’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.gipcd’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2673: Attempting to stop ‘ora.gpnpd’ on ‘ node ‘ CRS-2677: Stop of ‘ora.gpnpd’ on ‘ node ‘ succeeded CRS-2793: Shutdown of Oracle High Availability Services-managed resources on ‘ node ‘ has completedCRS-4133: Oracle High Availability Services has been stopped.To start=========1. crsctl start crsThis shloud bring up crs, nodeapps,asm and oracle instance.So you need not do anything.If not, then manually start them1. login as oracle2. srvctl start nodeapps -n node Starts node-level applications on a node or all nodes in the cluster3. srvctl start asm -n node -i instance_name Starts an Oracle ASM instance.4. srvctl start instance -d db_unique_name -i instance_name -o open Starts instances in the cluster database5. crsctl stat res -t6. emctl start dbsnocoleIf CRS is not stopped, only db,asm,nodeapps are stopped then follow only the manually start part.

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