Telltale Signs of a Douchebag
Despite what She’s All That claimed during our formative middle-school years, no amount of makeup-free-artistic lonely girl can transform a douchebag into a gentleman. However we all like to believe that we are Belle and if we just love them enough (and listen to the talking cupboard) we can turn every beast into a prince. But at the end of the night (week, month, serious relationship) we’re still left with the same douchebag.
So, in order to stop just one girl from going home with that guy, I’ve compiled a list of three telltale signs that he should be avoided.
1. Blazer and a t-shirt
I have yet to figure out why guys think this outfit is anywhere near attractive. While I guess there is some advantage of knowing that they can go straight to the gym and/or a job interview with just a quick change, there’s something unsettling about the two looks meshing. If they can’t be bothered to decide between the business-casual look and the casual-casual look, chances are they won’t be bothered with remembering your name and number post hook-up. So unless you find yourself wearing a dress and sneakers out to the bars, I would recommend steering clear of this.
2. Cheek Kiss
When I first started receiving the cheek kiss at college I marveled at the adultness of it all. It was up there with dinner parties and lipstick on my maturity scale. However I soon learned that the boys who lean in to give the obligatory cheek kiss are the same boys who will elbow you in the stomach to get to the bar. They’re already climbing the social ladder and each time I put out my cheek to receive the kiss, they’re already eyeing the next girl behind me. As they say, nighttime cheek kiss, morning time big diss. (OK, no one has ever actually said that.)
3. Backwards Hat
Nothing says I’m very mistaken about how cool I think I am than a backwards hat in any kind of social setting. It constantly amazes me how many people still find it socially acceptable to not only put on a hat to go out, but to put it on backwards. If backwards hats were “in” during the 90′s, then it’s still going to be another ten years before it’s ironic to wear it like that. Any guy that finds it trendy/funny to wear their hat backwards will also think its trendy/funny to do something wacky, like hitting on one girl all night and then going home with her friend. Their brains work differently.
There are obviously many more signs of a douchebag, but these are the three that came to me after spending 30 seconds of first-hand research in a bar. And while I can list signs all day, it would start to get a little too personal to my friends when they start noticing their own one-night-stands and ex’s listed.
You got any tips for avoiding the d-bags? List ‘em below. We ladies gotta help eachother out!