Is Your Prof Flirt-Worthy?

February 22, 2009 Posted in Relationships, Sex

It’s the first day of class, and you’re really dreading that last gen ed you have to conquer to complete your plan of study. You know this course is going to be the death of you, and you’ve already decided to do only enough to squeak by, and skip the maximum number of classes possible before attendance starts to effect your grade. You walk into the classroom, and a few minutes later, a total hottie enters the room. You sit up in your seat and silently will him to sit next to you (or on your lap, whichev), but instead he sets up shop in the front of the room and starts passing around a stack of syllabi.

By Kathryn S

If you’re attracted to your professor, it can be painful to fight the urge to flirt shamelessly with him. However, is breaching the student-teacher conduct worth it? And better yet, is it safe?

The downside to flirting with your professor is that you have to be subtle. When he asks, “Any questions?” You can’t blurt out, “Would you like to make out with me?” Likewise, the lines, “I’ve lost my number, can I borrow yours,” “Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day,” and “Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck” are inappropriate.

Even being subtle can be difficult, since, chances are, if he’s really that hot, all of the other girls in class have noticed. So if you’re idea of flirting with a prof is to memorize all of the reading assignments and raise your hands twelve times in a 50-minute lecture, the other girls are going to recognize your feeble attempts, and you’ll be labeled a suck-up or a teacher’s pet. And if he nicely asks you to give someone else a chance to participate, you will feel your heart shatter into bitty pieces and fume when he compliments Betty Jean’s insightful answer.

Like any man, you have to learn to read your crush before you can establish whether you will get anywhere by flirting. Sure, it could happen. But even if you think he’s vibing you, making a pass could result in utter embarrassment, an awkward rest-of-the-term, or a violation of student conduct. Sure, if he’s one of those laid-back teachers with a sense of humor, you can crack jokes laced with innuendos and brush it off, but those professors are few and far between, and you still need to be careful not to cross the line.

The bottom line is, do you really think a relationship could work? After all, your grade lies in his hands. If he grades you fairly and you don’t like the mark, it could start a fight – it was his fault you couldn’t do your homework, after all – and if he grades you on your extracurricular activities, you don’t deserve your GPA. What about after the course, when he keeps his hectic teaching/grading schedule and you just want to run away for spring break? Or, in the worst case scenario, what if you wind up jeopardizing his career?

We’re all legal, consenting adults in college, so it can be difficult to draw the line between lust and completely inappropriate. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way, and will come on to you first! However, since your education is involved here, I recommend trusting your instincts and PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION.

1607549 CommentsIs+Your+Prof+Flirt-Worthy%3F2009-02-22+20%3A39%3A39Kathryn+S on "Is Your Prof Flirt-Worthy?"

Angela says:
Sun, 22nd Feb 20091:22 pm

I'm glad you advised caution. Yeah I had a hottie for a college instructor once, too. However, pretty much anything that the professor can do except for complete and utter professionalism can result in him being dismissed or even worse, charges filed against him.

Although the people involved are adults, the fact that one is a student and one is an instructor makes a HUGE difference in our culture. I'd advise waiting until you're done with college and if there is still "something there", then THAT would be the time to proceed with a relationship.

That is, assuming he's single.

Angela

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Jenna says:
Sun, 22nd Feb 20093:55 pm

I go to a small early college. The average freshman is 15-16. At least four professors that I know and often work with first year students (teach intro courses or first year seminar) have slept with students. Two were even fired from larger more traditional universities for sleeping with far too many of their students. And they don't usually stop.

One of the professors is actually married to a student he slept with. He works here, the student now works here, and so does is ex-wife.

E says:
Sun, 22nd Feb 20094:33 pm

I am always weary of teacher/student relationships, since if he's hitting on you, chances are, you're not the first. And for me, that's something that I can never get out of the back of my head.

E says:
Sun, 22nd Feb 20094:34 pm

err wary*

Sam says:
Sun, 22nd Feb 20095:45 pm

It just seems sleazy to me.

Firio says:
Mon, 23rd Feb 20094:14 am

At almost all colleges, the teacher can get fired for sleeping with an undergrad.

Do it, and use it as leverage.

Star says:
Mon, 23rd Feb 200912:39 pm

There are some teachers that are Graduate students and they are so cute and close to my age! But I could never get up the nerve to flirt with them, it just seemed like it wouldn't work. Hopefully I'll run into them after I've passed the class.

Aysla says:
Mon, 23rd Feb 20095:05 pm

Oh man, I knew a guy who crushed on his teacher big time. He started to interpret every little nuance and behavior of hers in his favor– it got to the point that he would send her sexy emails and phone calls, set up dates, etc. She was married, and had a toddler at home! Eventually she filed a complaint against him (although I don't think she acted responsibly either, as she encouraged and/or enabled some of the behavior) and he had to go to another school. It's NOT worth it folks!

…Although it's sort of a fantasy of mine. *Dreamy sigh*

Regina says:
Fri, 6th Mar 20097:33 am

I went out with a college professor of mine. At first he thought it passing thing for me, mere fancy. Something I'd get over with, he fought it too but we eventually got together. We realized we didn't just like dating each other but we love each other. We even slept together. He was my first time. He's not at my college anymore, because he decided to quit. I'm graduating now and we're still together. By the way, I'm 4 months pregnant with his child.

Felix says:
Fri, 19th Jun 200910:41 am

My friend was dating the college instructor she was very sexy but he always say that it is boring and not interesting.

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Kate Connelly says:
Sat, 20th Jun 200911:46 pm

Ah professors… you gotta love men with brains. There have been some really hot profs in my classes and I never missed a class… seriously, professors are probably the hottest breed of men around.. especially if they look great and speak well (with a deep voice)… lol

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debbie says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20097:40 pm

only chicks would think of sites like these…haha. good for you

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miwa says:
Tue, 28th Jul 20096:17 am

What a post… no comments hehe

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Fri, 31st Jul 20091:03 pm

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john says:
Sat, 1st Aug 20091:30 pm

the post is great, I am wordless.

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TriviaChamp says:
Mon, 3rd Aug 200910:42 pm

Our society will never accept professor/student relationships. It just seems shady. A person placed in such a position of trust should never betray that trust.

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William says:
Thu, 6th Aug 20091:17 pm

Nahhh, mine aren't flirt worthy at all…they are Nerdsss!!!

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Gravur says:
Wed, 12th Aug 20092:43 am

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Riz says:
Tue, 18th Aug 20093:48 pm

nah, i consider myself ugly, for sure no1 even dreams about me haha. hey nice article tho, made me laugh

Riz

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steve says:
Wed, 19th Aug 20097:51 am

I still think it wrong as tempting it may be… it's sooo greasy

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Marc says:
Thu, 20th Aug 20097:43 am

Flirting with a professor is NEVER a good idea. Might get the professor in trouble if you are minor!

tylerparkman says:
Mon, 24th Aug 200911:16 pm

I'd never agree with flirting with a professor. Unless, I was the professor =)

Tyler

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Senna says:
Tue, 25th Aug 20096:00 pm

This is not a good idea and I wouldn't suggest it. You are a minor probably and it's illegal

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valkyrie9 says:
Sat, 5th Sep 20098:36 pm

Senna, this is about college not high school students. Most college students are over 18, and therefore "legal" when it comes to giving consent for sex.

Still, I would say on this topic it's inadvisable. A lot of American schools have rules against this; even though you might not get in trouble with the law, the prof could lose their job and your rep might be ruined (even if you worked really hard at the class, people will assume it will be based on your relationship once it gets out).

I remember reading something about someone who actually did this once, and to be honest, there are so many issues you have to dodge with this I can't see how it's worth it, no matter how much you might like the prof. That said, I've never personally been in this situation, but it seems like most people who have advise against it.

Daydream1 says:
Thu, 19th Nov 20095:57 am

Hmm, one of my best friends met her husband-to-be in this way so it can be done. I think she found it a bit embarrassing at the time but obviously her feelings were strong enough to overcome that. Generally, though, I think even she would advise against it because of the damage it can potentially do to the prof's career.

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Kate says:
Mon, 17th May 20102:25 am

Kate

kara says:
Sun, 23rd May 20108:12 am

Thanks for the precautionary post. it is quite tempting, but always never a good idea.

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Rob says:
Tue, 8th Jun 201012:20 am

If I was a professor, I'd just flirt away! Attract as many hot students as possible. Maybe 2 or 3 per class. Now that would be seriously awesome!

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Ted says:
Tue, 8th Jun 20107:35 am

I used to flirt with a female professor once. She is not your typical nerdish looking female prof. She was a hottie with brains!

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http://paydayloansho says:
Fri, 11th Jun 20102:54 pm

Sweet read… remember when….

cannabis grow lights says:
Sat, 19th Jun 20107:52 pm

At almost all colleges, the teacher can get fired for sleeping with an undergrad.

Do it, and use it as leverage.

john says:
Thu, 1st Jul 20103:19 am

Complete sleaziness in my opnion

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cpa plr software says:
Mon, 2nd Aug 20109:59 pm

It's all funny,,,, Flirty or not?! I guess its all up to you.

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John says:
Tue, 3rd Aug 20102:18 am

Seems pretty damn sleazy in my opinion!

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Jolanta says:
Sun, 15th Aug 20106:07 am

I had a crush on my Cooking teacher I made it to every class, got good grades by making sure I cooked all the recipes well.

Its was just a crush but it helped with my studies – I passed

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adventistanswers says:
Thu, 19th Aug 20105:31 am

interesting post…thank you for this

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psychicjim says:
Fri, 20th Aug 20105:45 pm

I had a crush on my third grade teacher years ago but I was a bit too young.

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Brian says:
Mon, 23rd Aug 20105:20 pm

I had a crush on my teacher in high school. It was crazy. I got a C. That was pretty sad. video games

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Freddie Vincent says:
Tue, 24th Aug 20104:49 am

Crushes in college usually lead to crashes. best to wait till u graduate. Non Profit Relief

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Amber says:
Thu, 7th Oct 201011:31 pm

Dipping into this kinda thing only gets ya in trouble. I say don't do it! Crushing is fine, but keep it to yourself.

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Miek says:
Mon, 18th Oct 20106:39 am

I think a relationship between your teacher and yourself can only be done after you are no longer a student

Mike

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targetingkeywords says:
Mon, 18th Oct 20109:22 pm

I also had a college prof who was very cute. He was actually my schoolmate back in HS. He was the who flirted me and all of my classmates did notice it until he did really tell me that he finds me attractive. But still,I don't think student-teacher relationships don't work. You're subject to contriversy.

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Maya says:
Wed, 3rd Nov 201012:58 pm

I admit it, I have a crush on one of my professors right now. He's 9 years older than me, intelligent, talented, kind, lovely quirky sense of humour. Physically…well, he's not bad looking at all, though I've fallen for guys with nearly wholly different builds. It doesn't help that he has the coolest accent either!

Anyway…as I find myself pondering this silliness, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not interested in anything romantic. This is not a "sexual" crush. In fact, the thing I find myself fantasizing about the most, is of us the two as friends. I find myself hoping that after all is said and done, I'll be able to keep in touch with him, somehow. Don't know if this is possible, but it's what's in my head.

I would have to say, however, that carrying on a sexual student-teacher relationship is dangerous for both parties. It can get the proff fired, and put your reputation on the line.

Personal experience says:
Wed, 15th Dec 20103:18 pm

Just don’t do it… It rarely turns out good! My professor & I flirted endlessly in email, then when I was actually in his class he was cold towards me. Then HE reported ME to the deans!! The dumb fuck didn’t know I kept his emails, so I fired back & showed the deans the nasty messages he sent me. Thing is IRL I found him so ugly & didn’t flirt with him at all… It was a fantasy that blew up in both our faces. He was reprimanded, & I was forced to withdraw.

Still worth it? Don’t think so.

Guest says:
Sun, 6th Mar 20116:17 am

Chances are that your professor's wife and him met when she was his Master's student. I was skeptical at first until I learnt the truth about the profs at my school and the underlying raging academic lust that goes on between a student and a teacher (great minds think alike, evidently). Scary, scandalous, and true. One field course had a prof and his Master's student go off into the woods for a VERY long period of time and the jokes around the camp fire was about them getting it on. Who knows what truly happened that night.

brainy says:
Mon, 11th Jul 20115:02 pm

I guess stating that Ive dated 5 professors makes me a total professional teachers pet. I just have a fetish, thats all. But I earned the grades, I swear.

monica says:
Tue, 17th Jan 20124:57 am

i would never had a relationship with my professors , even if they are good looking , professor and student will not work , besides dating your professor is prohibited , professor is just playing games with you they are not going to be serious on you

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