Where Do You Meet a Guy, Anyway?!

March 1, 2009 3:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Candy -- NYU g+ page

42-17287496.jpgI am 24 and single. I am also the first to tell you there is nothing wrong with that, but as the novelty of “being an independent women,” “focusing on my career“, and “being so tired of relationship drama” is wearing off I’m face with a serious question: Where does a 20 something girl meet guys?


By Candy

My immediate instinct when faced with this question would point me towards the bars. And for that exact reason, I have met practically every single boyfriend I’ve had in my college and post years at a bar or party, and while drinking. (Please note: while it has been said time and time again, “you don’t meet nice guys in bars,” I’m here to tell you, you don’t meet nice guys in bars.)

That being said, if history has taught me anything it’s that I need to find a new locale if I want to find a new, interesting, smart attractive gent to call my own. But, I have no idea where to look..

So I asked a handful of friends and acquaintances I got a few answers:

Work (and/or class) - I’m the first to openly admit, I have a slight case of Boy-Crazy. This condition can really hinder my accomplishing anything productive when I’ve got boys on the brain. Thus mixing my professional life with my personal life could really be a fatal combination.

Through friends – If my friends had a perfect hottie stashed away, I would have found him by now. Trust me, I’ve looked. Hard.

The gym – When I go to the gym it is not on a man-hunting mission – I am there to work out. I get sweaty, and look like I’m working out (Read: hideous ratty tees and one coat of mascara instead of my usual 3-4, gross hair, etc.) This look is not exactly what I have in mind when trying to meet a guy.

The internet – While I won’t knock the internet ‘till I’ve tried it, I’d prefer to wait until the age of 30 before delving into that route. Lets just call Match.com by back up plan.

So, I’m out of ideas. Can anyone please tell an untapped resource of respectable guys is?

20 Comments on "Where Do You Meet a Guy, Anyway?!"

  1. Ryan says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 200911:09 am 

    http://www.OkCupid.com

  2. Ryan says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 200911:12 am 

    P.S. A ladyfriend recommended the site to me, where she met her current boyfriend.

    I've only been using the site for about a week, but I've met some interesting people without either of us being under the influence.

  3. Stephie B says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 200911:14 am 

    One of my girlfriends told me about plentyoffish.com

    Ive met a few guys on it… so far so good. Lots to choose from. and its free!

  4. Miki says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 200911:40 am 

    I tried plentyoffish.com and all the guys wanted to do was meet asap and hook up.

    Not exactly what I was looking for…

  5. Raeann says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 200912:11 pm 

    I don't get the distain for internet dating when you are clearly already comfortable with being on the internet and have learned effectively use technology to communicate. I met my fiance on okcupid.com, I know several people who have had luck with match.com, and if you're a Christian and not gay, eharmony is a solid option.

    My argument for using the internet is as follows:

    Hypothetically, you're female, 23 years old, have a 50K job, and two children under the age of 4 from a previous relationship. Not only are you super busy, but not a lot of guys your age can handle a girlfriends with children, and you're tired of seeing "that look" on guys faces when you're on your first date you tell them that, hey, you're a mom. You can list on your profile, I have kids, and if Joe Schmow isn't interested? He moves on and no one's time gets wasted. This works for all kinds of preferences: religion, education, appearance, etc.

  6. Leah says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 200912:38 pm 

    I dated a guy on OkCupid for a while… turned out he was in love with his ex-girlfriend, but had that not been the case it could have worked out.

    I'm presently on Lavalife, as are a lot of my girlfriends and we've had mixed success. It's worth a try, the two sites I've used are free (you can do most things on LL for free) so it's still cheaper than nights trolling for men at the bar.

  7. Jes says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 20091:20 pm 

    the grocery store! or the laundry mat… that way you know they at least are independent and you can scoop a peak at his eating habits and/or clothing sense…

    and the chances of them still living with their mom if you meet them here, is significantly lower.

  8. Alex says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 20093:03 pm 

    I met my boyfriend in ecology class! But we also got set up through a friend. So numbers one and two worked for me I guess? It was my boy craziness that spurred me to ask my friends about him and surprise! one of them knew him!

  9. Allie Terag says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 20093:28 pm 

    Church. Bonus points- if you go to a large church located in a good part of town then he probably makes good money!

  10. Marley says:
    Sun, 1st Mar 20094:34 pm 

    Girl, I hear you! I got to a mostly all-female college, so that is out. Most of my friends are either married (and know other married couples) or single like me and looking. I just started at a new church but it is so large that it is hard to meet anyone and I am fresh out of ideas!

  11. Gwenivere says:
    Mon, 2nd Mar 20096:19 am 

    I would suggest regular everyday places that you go. If you go somewhere LOOKING for a guy, you will never find one. As soon as you stop looking, that's when find you.

    So with this in mind I would say that if you go anywhere (except bars) that you see a cute guy, go up and say hi. This takes a lot of balls and you must be confident. What are you going to lose? He says he has a girlfriend, so what? Move on to the next one.

    See a cute guy in the grocery store? Go say hi. Coffee shop you visit? Say hi. Works at the place you are getting your car fixed or he is getting his car fixed? Say hi. Bookstore? Say hi. Target? Say hi. Random store you are in? (as long as it's not like Victoria's Secret or something) Just go say hi.

    It might sound a little silly and it does take nerve, but what do you think guys are doing to find a girlfriend? They are probably wondering the same thing as you! They don't want to meet a girl in a bar and have seen all the girls around already. They are probably wishing some hot girl would just come up to them sometime and say hi!

    You never know until you try and I guarantee 100% that you will find guys if you do this. It just takes confidence and raw nerve. Guys make up half this planet, so you have to find a decent looking one at least once a week.

    Hope this helps you on your quest!

  12. Sarah says:
    Mon, 2nd Mar 20097:35 am 

    All of my best relationships have been with boys I was friends with in high school. This could be considered a bad idea by some girls, but my current bf knows me so well and I know I can trust him because we were friends first.

  13. Hannahjoja says:
    Mon, 2nd Mar 20093:01 pm 

    I agree with Match.com (and all internet dating) being a last resort. I just feel like guys sort of have different expectations when you seek them out. I agree with the regular places bit but I'm so NOT approaching a guy. I'm sort of old fashion that way and want a guy to be a guy. It would be crazy for him to want to fit the "man" role only when its convenient. *sighs* Unfortunately, with all my old-fashion ways, I'm single. I've thought about changing my stance but damnit, everyone else seems to find love the old fashion way, why can't I?

  14. India says:
    Sat, 7th Mar 20095:29 am 

    If you are at all religious, church is a great way to go. My mom tells me all the time about how the girls she worked with right after she got married had had some terrible experiences with guys and couldn't believe how nice my dad was. They'd ask mom "where on earth did you *find* him?" and she'd say "church…" and they'd be like "oh…"

  15. sara says:
    Sat, 7th Mar 20093:55 pm 

    I would say just keep going out, and I'm going to argue the fact that not all boys you meet at bars can be shady. Meet the ones that don't seem too weird and have a drink, give out your number, but don't go home with them. Then get food or coffee with them the next day and if he's still cute when the beer goggles are off you may have found something worthwhile. Definitely go out to new and different places too DON'T just sit at the same bar every night.

  16. David says:
    Sat, 29th Aug 20093:06 pm 

    You seem to articulate yourself enough, but you seem pretty pessimistic about the situation just because you tend to knowingly pick really bad guys. You are following the typical trend of an average American girl and wondering where your life is headed now. I would say the problem here is you, so far your relationships have been too easy to get. A decent guy well… is probably one with a brain(doesn’t necessarily mean nerd) , you will think they are weird or awkward(socially), because you are adjusted to going out with guys who are “playing the game” and were you are now, is where that avenue leads. The bottom line is that you will never be happy and you will have to choose, between a guy who makes you miserable in one way or a guy who does not match up to your unrealistic standards in another way. If you want a guy who will stand by you try for a shy one. If you want one that may be successful and kick you to the curb go for the outgoing one. So on to the meeting them part. I wouldn’t listen to your friends, if they are girls, they don’t know the first thing about a decent guy, they will hook you up with dooshbags 99 percent of the time, and convince you to dump a great guy 100 percent of the time – usually because they are upset that they aren’t sleeping with him. So I’m glad you killed that option already. As a regular gym goer I can say that there are some decent guys there(its actually pretty diverse), but every guy already knows that it is a rule never to try to pick up a girl at the gym because she is socially brainwashed into thinking she is only there to do her workout and nothing else, it never goes well for a guy. So what I’m saying is you would have to talk to them. Work/school is a bad place, but if you meet someone around school or had a previous class with them and you were interested in them, it might be good to reintroduce yourself. Or if someone pops into your work that you are interested in maybe you should introduce yourself. As long as its not someone you have to see every single day you are fine. If you saw a guy everyday you would lose interest anyway. The internet is ok because you can meet some intelligent guys sometimes, but you probably wouldn’t know what to look for so maybe you ought to just avoid that and start simpler. Try joining clubs and such or take up an activity like dancing or mountain climbing, it’ll help with staying in shape and you will always meet people.

  17. SW says:
    Tue, 23rd Feb 201011:18 am 

    I met my bf on public transit! It turned out he lived nearby in my neighbourhood. Perhaps try the local coffee shops or libraries in your area?

  18. Cass says:
    Sat, 13th Mar 201010:41 am 

    Okay, I am trying OKCupid.com and it is backfiring on me. I keep getting messages from creeps who just want sex. What is worse is that I met a guy that I thought was not a creep. We went out for a first date and it was cool and on the next date wanted so much more. I think I am done with the whole online dating scene. It mostly consists of outright creeps and creeps pretending to be nice guys.

  19. The scene says:
    Wed, 12th Sep 20122:19 pm 

    Ok, Im a guy (25) and I dont know where all the single, pretty intellegent girls are!! Based on this both sexes are clearly looking in the wrong places. I have been trying joining clubs etc mainly sports ones as thats what I enjoy, problem is dont tend to get many girls there!

    Also ladies it would help if you guys gave us a clue once in a while that you would like us to talk to you! When you go out of your way to chat to a girl most of the time you get shot down as a creep…. why is it so creepy for a guy to find a girl attractive?

  20. Chris DeNigris says:
    Sun, 13th Jan 201310:22 pm 

    Wow you hit the nail on the head dude. Creep and stalker are the most overused terms by girls now. You can't even approach them anymore. I'm 27 and never been in a relationship. I'm a good looking guy. I hit the bars every week with friends but I can't get anything more then numbers and possible first dates if i'm lucky. Even the girls I get flake out eventually.

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