Senioritis: A College Senior’s Bucket List

When I get back to school after spring break it is the end. In fact many middle aged people have told me (with their usual unsolicited advice) more recently than usual that college was the best four years of their lives and after they graduated it was all downhill from there. Then after dispensing their advice and patting my head, they coughed up a lung, because that’s what old people do.

Now I’ve done some math and considering some of these people are in their 50’s now, the “downhill from there” means the last 30+ years of their lives have been nothing but sorrow, disaster, and failure. The most promising part of their day now is their daily dose of Activia yogurt (people over 40 can’t eat solid foods…clinically proven) and reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond.

So with those thoughts in mind my friends and I created a bucket list with everything we want to do before we graduate. We crossed off the easy stuff first. Anything involving stealing, obscenity, or a combination of the two was completed within the first week. But now we are left with the trickier things.

Number 14: Fall in love. It was so easy to write down and yet it’s so hard to accomplish. Riddle me that.

Number 3: Actually watch The Bucket List and decide who of our friends is Morgan Freeman and who is Jack Nicholson. I’ve been putting that one off since I know I’ll get assigned to be the Jack Nicholson of the bunch.

Number 7: Bring a murdered ghost back through a seance and solve the mystery of their death. This one has so much red tape I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, it’s already been done in Now and Then and they had a better soundtrack to do it. Second, we can’t agree on who to bring back (I voted for Amelia Earhart). Thirdly, no one wants to do it in their own apartment in case the ghost lingers.

Number 23: Find a D-List band to attend our first annual Cinco De Mayo parking lot blowout. I thought I had finally found something promising with the band that plays on the roof at the end of 10 Things I Hate About You. But then it turns out they are charging 10,000-15,000 per concert. Are they kidding? I mean the I know the movie starred Alex Mac but they can’t ride on that forever.

Number 1: Locate the Heart of the Ocean. This one proves to be the biggest challenge considering it may or may not be a fictional plot device.

As you can see we have a lot to do in so little time (#56: find every Mary-Kate and Ash movie on Youtube) and, as everyone keeps saying if we don’t accomplish it before graduation, it will never get done. And I’m really banking on wearing the Heart of the Ocean at graduation. And nothing else.