Overheard: Babies and the Generation Thereof

By John

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

“Yeah, Catholic high school was abstinence-only. They never taught us about condoms or cock rings or anything like that.”

At Starbucks:

Man: “I can’t help it! I’m impotent!” (Pointing at the drinks menu) “It’s… this Greek goddess stuff!”

“That’s how you choose who gets to keep the dog after the divorce. You can cheat, you know. Rub bacon on your hand or something like that.”

“Yeah. That’s how you choose who gets to keep the kids, too. I think the bacon thing still works.”

“No, I’m not gay. I just like tickle fights with other men.”

A girl sits on a chair. Suddenly, music can be heard

Other girl: “Oh, that’s cool. Your ass turned on my blanket.”

From a CC reader:

Two female professors walking by:

Prof 1: “Our kids just drink too much.”

Prof 2: “Yeah, I don’t think we could get a prostitute to attend the party!”

In a movie theater::

“Shakespeare was all just penis allegory. So is The Goonies.”

Loud woman in a restaurant, after another woman walks in holding a baby.

“What a fine crop of babies we’ve been getting this year!”

At a party:

“Happy 21st! I ate all your wieners!”

In a public bathroom:

Parent: “Now wash your hands in the sink. Use soap! Now dry them.”

Kid: “No.”

Parent: “Use the drier.”

Kid: “No, no no no!”

sound of drier

Afterward, kid: “I couldn’t even hear my screams.”

Girl and guy in a restaurant:

“I don’t want a boyfriend. Boyfriends are like avocados.”

“Why?”

“Not in season. Small, wrinkly and green.”