Miss Manners: “Should I Tell Them?”

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

By Vivian

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas.

So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

Let’s say you walk into your econ class, muffin in one hand, Starbucks cup in the other, ready to knock out at a moment’s notice. The professor walks in and without greeting, launches into his repertoire of the economy and whatnot as you lazily drop your eyelids. You figure you’ll look up from your “notes” once or twice before drifting off so at least you can say you tried. You look up and then…

BAM! You notice that his fly is completely open! Like, to the point where his uh.. stimulus package is threatening to show. You peek around the classroom to see if anyone else noticed but alas, everyone is mindlessly lost in their own oblivion. Crap. It’s up to you. “Should I tell him?” you wonder to yourself, “This is so awkward. Maybe I should just ignore it.” Of course, this wouldn’t be such a problem if it were one of these professors, but he’s not. You’ve never even spoken to him outside of class!

So you ignore it. Just like you ignored it when that guy from Psych had spinach stuck in his teeth the whole time he was talking to you. Just like you ignored it when that girl walked out of the bathroom with her skirt tucked into her thong. “It really isn’t my place,” you convince yourself. “They’ll figure it out eventually.”

Miss manners says: For goodness sakes, just tell them already! Spare them any further embarrassment and be discreet.

In the case of your professor, there really isn’t anything to do until class is over. Do NOT be the ass that screams, “HEY PROFESSOR! YOUR $#@^ IS SHOWING!” across the room. Wait until class lets out and then approach him. Something along the lines of, “I’m sorry professor, but your fly is open.” will do. Awkward? Yes, but he’ll be glad you mentioned it.

Anyway, there’s nothing stopping you from telling the spinach-guy or thong-girl about their social faux pas. Pull them aside and tell them NICELY (i.e. without a hint of sarcasm or mockery). Extra karma points if you add something sympathetic like, “Don’t worry, this happens to me all the time.” Also, as a rule, avoid telling people about situations that they cannot immediately fix. At the bar: giant boogies hanging out of someone’s nose? Yes. Girl-stache? No. [What is she supposed to do? Pluck it out with her nails?]

Besides, how often have you returned home after a night of partying and shameless flirting, feeling like the hottest chick in the room, only to realize that you had toilet paper hanging out of your “butt jeans” the entire time! It doesn’t take a genius to figure out just how long you’ve been dragging your tail around.  Then you realize, “Omfg! My ex was at that party with the skank he cheated on me with!” (No? Never? Just me.. Oh. Well, you get it point.) You woulda wanted someone to inform you.

So be a good person and tell them because really, Karma’s a b*tch.