Overheard: Bouncing Bratwursts

By John

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Two women in business suits at a bus stop.)

“Oh! That’s a nice sandwich, Mary. I mean it. That’s a really nice sandwich.”

(Girls walking past a barn.)

“Horses! Horses over there! Quick, look cool for the horses!”

“Yeahhh. What’s up, horses?”

(A girl talking about her roommate who needed to be helped out of a bar.)

“Yeah, I saw you guys carrying her out, but I still had a full pitcher of beer, and I was like, ‘I can’t bail on this.’”

(Girl and guy arguing.)

“Why are you throwing up? Stop throwing up.”
“I’m throwing up because you annoyed me into eating!”

(Girls discussing exes in class.)

“What happened to Mike?”
“Oh, yeah, I broke that off after he peed on me.”

(Two guys in the dining hall.)

“Hey, bro.”

“Yo. Hey, thanks for the penis.”

“No problem.”

(They high-five.)

(Guy talking on the way to class.)

“Hobbies? Hobbies. Having sex. With blenders. Blenders with AIDS.”

(Three guys, speaking in a group in the hallway.)

“You should invest in a woman’s razor. Seriously!”

“What, are they… better?”

“Yeah, I’ve got this one that has, like, a vibrator built in. It’s great.”

(Men discuss sausage on the front lawn.)

“When you bite into it, it’s like… an iceberg. Like, that first time you puncture the casing. All that sweet, hot oil just spurts everywhere.”

“Man. I want a bratwurst. Or I guess I want to have sex.”

(Girl and her boyfriend talking.)

“Wait… so, how bad was it?”
“Total failure.  So much failure. Mountains of failure. I am trapped in the Himalayas of failure and I had to eat my Sherpa.”

(Girl sips wine.)

“Mm. It’s got a deep, rye texture, with notes of feta and honey ham.”

(Two girls, speaking earnestly over coffee.)

“So the glass ball is an egg. Like, woman-egg. And David Bowie is the aggressive, compelling male. And… she’s trying to get a kid out of it, right? The Labyrinth is a giant vagina.”