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Moving In With the BF: Yey or Ney?
April 1, 2009 Posted in Relationships
So you managed to find yourself a keeper. You’ve been together for a substantial amount of time, the big L word has long since been exchanged and you two are pretty much inseparable. You are one smitten kitten. You’ve even got the guy using the words “our” and “future” in the same sentence. In fact, you two are so annoyingly in love, that you’re spending way more time at his place than at your own.
At this point, you’re starting to question the practicality of paying rent on a place you barely see, but at the same time, moving in together is such a big deal.
So then … what are the pros and cons to that complicated middle ground that is ditching the girls and moving in with your man?
Pros:
You have a chance to see what married life would be like. It’s a scary thought, but that’s where lots of college relationships go, right? Can you balance the chores? Do you manage money the same? Can you tolerate his tendency to put empty milk cartons back in the fridge? It is essentially a test drive on all (ALL!) levels of compatibility, which is great because if that test drive fails, you can go your separate ways without having to formally divorce.
You get to see a side of him you might not see otherwise. You see him on his bad days, his good days … you’ll see the real, honest to goodness HIM and not just the “him” he shows you on dates and such.
It’s economically practical. Splitting the cost of food, rent, utilities … Uncle Sam approves.
Transitioning to real/married life won’t be at all painful. You’ll already have developed a routine, gotten used to his habits and have figured out how to live together harmoniously.
You get to be together alllllll the time! He’s there when you wake up, he’s there to hug you after a rough day, he’s there to take care of you when you’re sick. You’ll have constant companionship and a deep sense of emotional intimacy with your guy. You never have to be far from your Schmoopie-kins ever again if you don’t want to be.
Cons:
His flaws. They’re there. Always. Oh sure, right NOW the fact that he wears the same shirt for 5 days straight is a cute and lovable little quirk, but is it something you can tolerate for … ever?
You lose a great deal of space and privacy. He’s there. All. The. Time. No hiding your messy morning hair and pillow drool… it’s all out there.
The whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder” thing pretty much goes out the window. The fact that you’re together all the time gives him no time to miss you.
You may get some grief from parents or religious folks with traditional values. But, you know, at the end of the day, it’s your life.
What do you think? Yey or ney?
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rach says:
Wed, 1st Apr 200911:07 am
i am totally for living with someone before i get married. before engagement i'm not so sure, the jury is still out. it worries me that if i moved in with a non fiance that i would end up staying in the relationship even if it went sour just because of the living situation and i dont want that to happen.
and just to play devil's advocate… my friends took a class, Psychology of Human Intimacy and according to statistics living together before marriage raises the chance for divorce, however, that does not take into account the fact that there are people out there that refuse to live together before marriage, these couples might also subscribe to the philosophy that divorce is not an option.
i dont know if that makes sense, just some food for thought
Lauren - University says:
Wed, 1st Apr 200911:34 am
I dunno. You have your whole life to live iwth the BF, but you'll never be able to live with your girlfriends again. I say pass until you graduate. It's more fun that way!
Kirsten says:
Wed, 1st Apr 200911:55 am
I have lived with my boyfriend for 2 years and I love it. Getting married seems like no big deal for me now. Our schedules work out nicely because we both have time in our house by ourselves for a couple of hours a week which is always nice. Also we never give eachother crap for hanging out with our friends. If he wants to go to the bar with a guys Im cool with that. And if I want to hang out with my girls… he is fine with that as well. The only downside I see is that you can't decorate all cute and girly anymore… you have to compromise
Kelly says:
Wed, 1st Apr 20092:44 pm
Right now my boyfriend and I live with three other people in a house and there hasn't been many cons. I still eat bowl after bowl of Cheerio's while watching America's Next Top Model and he still plays lots of video games. Next year we are moving to an apartment right downtown and next to campus, just us too, and I think it will be even better. His guy friends live in the complex across the street and mine in the one a block away so there will probably be more away time.
I think it just depends on who you are. If you really like routines and things a certain way, living with your guy might not be the best idea. Don't knock it til you try it.
Casey says:
Wed, 1st Apr 20096:20 pm
My boyfriend and I have been (officially) living together since August. By the time I moved in with him we had only been dating for 7 months. It kind of happened by accident. He got sick with mono and his mom was flying out of town the next day so she let me stay that week to take care of him. His mom is super ultra religious and wouldn't let me stay over before that and if he stayed at my house he had to tell her he was staying at a friends house, then we had to hide his car because he wasn't allowed to stay at my house (but my parents are cool, so if they found out it wouldn't have been too bad)
As soon as she got back in town her and his dad seperated, and in order to 1. keep my BF living there, and 2. not be lonely, she let me stay. I stayed just so I could be with him because his mom is PSYCHO! She's pretty much your stereotypical evil mother in law. We lived at his house until March 1st when she decided it was a "moral issue" for me to be there after 8 months. So she kicked me out and my BF came with me back to my house(my parents were so excited for us to move in cause they knew how miserable we were at his house. Now were saving up to move out on our own in a month or two.
Besides his mom
Casey says:
Wed, 1st Apr 20096:22 pm
(our kitten, Monster (aptly named), just hit the submit button. lol)
Besides his mom we have never had an issue living together. It's been awesome. Granted we're not "out on our own" yet, but we get along so perfectly we are basically the same person. So it really depends on who it is and your relationship whether moving in together is a good idea or not.
Maria says:
Thu, 2nd Apr 20094:20 am
Do whatever you feel comfortable with. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and we're not living together yet. Granted we are together most of the time, we want to wait it out a bit, until we're both more financially ready to do it.
But if you feel like it will work go for it. And if it doesn't then at least you found out sooner rather than later.
Emma says:
Sun, 5th Apr 200912:16 pm
I moved in with my much older boyfriend a month after we started dating. It's been nine months now, and it's still wonderful. He was and still is my best friend. We give each other plenty of alone time, talk out our issues, and couldn't be happier. I think if your relationship is healthy, go ahead and do it. But if it's unhealthy, it's just going to get worse.