How to Tell Your Partner You Have an STD

tell-them1Here at CollegeCandy, we’ve long urged our readers to go get tested for STDs.  Getting tested for STDs is extremely important, especially when you’ve had multiple partners or have had unprotected sex.  Many STDs take a while to show any symptoms and some people never show any signs of having one, so getting tested is the only way to be sure that you’re healthy and to ensure that you’re not spreading any around.

Ok, so you’ve gone and gotten tested–and the test came back positive.  Now what?  After you talk to your doctor about treatment, the next thing you should do is to tell your partner.  And not just your current boyfriend/hookup buddy, I mean ALL your ex-partners, too, because there’s the chance that they’ve been infected and don’t know it, either.  I know, I know… it’s super embarrassing, but it’s your responsibility to make sure they don’t spread an STD, either.  And, who knows? It’s possible you got it from them and they should know to be checked.

But don’t stress–there are some things that you can do to make the whole ordeal less painful.

First of all, you should know about inSPOT, a site that lets people send e-cards (like the one at the top of this post) to their current and ex sexual partners, telling them that there’s the possibility that they’ve been exposed to an STD, and urging them to go get tested.  There’s even the option to send the card anonymously, if you’d like, which eliminates the embarrassment of a face-to-face meeting.  It’s also a great option if you aren’t on speaking terms with your ex.

However, if sending a e-card isn’t an option for you, or you think it’s better, telling the person face-to-face is the next best option.  Choose somewhere casual to meet, and try to keep as calm as possible.  If you’re nervous, try writing down what you want to say and practice before you talk to them.  I know it sounds corny, but it will help make sure you get out everything that you need to say.

They might be angry with you, which is completely understandable–so be apologetic, and make sure they understand that you didn’t know you were infected. Also, bring along information about getting tested and treatement options.  Most importantly, make sure they know that you’re going through the same thing they are and that you’re there for them.  inSPOT has some more good tips on their website if you want more information.



  1. sweetie-pie says:

    I got that call from an ex before, and it was okay. I didn't overreact or get angry — and he was even blaming me for giving it to him! I went and got tested (negative) and still didn't get angry. I was sheepish when he learned he'd falsely accused me, but I was amused. Telling your ex-partners might not even be that bad.

  2. sticcy says:

    http://shady80baby-thepndemicisinourhome.blogspot… how do you tell your partner that you have swine flu?

  3. joan says:

    me and my new boyfriend are great but we just got serious before we made it serious we were both single. i was tested positive for chalmydia. but we have had protected sex do i tell him and should he get tested

  4. Gayle says:

    I am almost certain I have an STD (herpes to be more specific). I am going to be checked out tomorrow morning. However, I am not sure on how to tell my boyfriend that I have herpes. I love him with all my heart and I dont want to lose him. Im scared he will not want to be with me anymore if I do tell him.

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