The CC Weekly Weigh In: Bedroom No-Nos

April 3, 2009 Posted in HaHa, Sex

bed_after_sex_intro

I once went home with a guy who sniffed his sheets before throwing me down and taking advantage of me. Even worse, once he threw me down to take advantage of me, he asked me if I thought his sheets smelled funny. Really? Is that supposed to get me in the mood?

Then there was that time I went home with the guy who waited until we were both completely naked (on his futon, no less) to tell me that he had a girlfriend. “But I don’t like her that much.”

It seems that the guys I tend to gravitate towards (when heavily intoxicated) don’t have the most tact when it comes to the bedroom boogie. I was curious to see if anyone else had the same experiences, so I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me the worst thing a guy has ever done or said in bed. Somehow I don’t feel so bad anymore…

John – UConn: The worst thing a guy could do in bed? Immediately after sex, he opens up his cell phone, makes a call and says “Hi Mom. Guess I win the bet. Pay up.”

Amanda – Wagner: “That’s not how my ex did it.”

Brithny – Duke: “Say cheese!” [Pulls out camera.]

Charlsie – Hollins: Refer to himself in third person. It’s creepy and weird!

Sara C – Fordham: How about, “you’re such a little girl!”? It makes him sound like a pedophile, and I’m a grown-ass woman, thank you very much.

Lauren – University of Michigan: “This is going to be quick.” Ugh, and it was.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: If he ever compared me or my techniques to a past girlfriend, I would have to slap him and close up my Cookie Shop for a while.

Beata – Notre Dame: Well, for me personally, it is so annoying when guys ask, “Do you like that? You like that, huh?” It’s like, “If I didn’t like it, you would know about it already, so quit asking.” But one of my friends has had the experience of a guy who had seen too many pornos calling her a dirty whore in bed. Needless, to say, he wasn’t getting any more action from her.

Noa – CU Boulder: “Baseball, baseball, grandma, baseball.” I know he was trying to last longer to help me out, but I don’t need to know he’s thinking of his grandma when he’s looking at me naked.

Liza M – Minnesota: ‘…did you have one?’ Because believe me, If I did, you wouldn’t have to ask.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Quote South Park. I’ve had it happen. It’s just so off putting, and it scarred me for life.

Cristina – Michigan State: “Oops…I might be too small for this condom”

Erica – Kent State: Compare to any of his exes. Hands down.

Kari – FSU: Roll over afterward and vomit…into my hair.

Carly – Grinnell: Be completely silent! It’s so much worse than even bad feedback. You can’t tell what the heck he’s thinking or if he’s just wishing he were anywhere else.

Kelly – UMass: Call out someone else’s name. True story.

Ricki – University of Michigan: “That was almost as good as the way my last girlfriend did it”

[Photo courtesy of oliwilken on Flickr.]

2607516 Comments2009-04-03+15%3A00%3A25CC+Staff on "The CC Weekly Weigh In: Bedroom No-Nos"

Pete says:
Fri, 3rd Apr 200910:03 am

Hilarious. There's a similar article about true pre-sex statements some stupid men have said before sex that is also hilarious. It's on KissandDish.com. Here's the link: http://www.kissanddish.com/website/?tab=stories&a…

I know every word is true because I'm friends with the girl who wrote the story and know everyone involved…the lesson, never say to a girl "Wow…I never realized how droopy your labia was" when you're trying to get laid…I'm just sayin'!!!

KellyGirl says:
Fri, 3rd Apr 200910:17 am

Haha…hilarious. And Pete thanks for posting that story. That was funny too.

Mal says:
Fri, 3rd Apr 20093:40 pm

I totally agree with the not saying anything during sex…. its waaay worse than no feedback at all. Like, really? you didnt even exhale hard or anything… lol

Emily says:
Fri, 3rd Apr 20094:00 pm

What about the guy who gives his doo-dad a name or calls it "he?" That is so friggin weird!

Kristy says:
Fri, 3rd Apr 20098:23 pm

my ex would always stop to ask, while inside of me, 'think you could fall asleep like this?' and the worst part was i usually felt like he wanted me to say yes.

Nan says:
Fri, 3rd Apr 200911:17 pm

OMG Beata–I hate that!!! Totally agree.

Peter says:
Sat, 4th Apr 20098:29 am

Oh Oh Oh, be sure Ima ask some friends of mine to tell me their stories about how GIRLS can screw up the bedroom boogie and write it down to my blog. This will slap u silly

Madison says:
Sat, 4th Apr 200911:12 am

I had a guy promise me a second go-round, and when I returned to his room, he was quoting an entire episode of an online comic… and felt the need to explain to me that once a man has his fun, he returns to the mental state of a 12-year-old.

Candie says:
Sun, 5th Apr 20091:03 pm

I was fooling around with a guy and he was admiring my tush, telling me how nice it was. Then I hear "Eww I just saw your butthole". He saw no more of me that night.

Michelle says:
Thu, 9th Apr 20097:16 am

lol. I once was going out with a guy who did the same thing, it must be a guy thing. But for some strange reason, when he started taking viagra, he hardly bothered smelling them at all. But at this point we were going out with each other for a while. when i confronted him he said that once ordering cheap viagra off the net, he was odourless he ordered viagra off quite a few places, but he one that stood out for him was http://www.viagranow.me.uk. and now were engaged, enough said really.

Harry says:
Fri, 10th Apr 200911:04 am

Pards u joker !!!! mate ur 2 funny..lmao.

True ive been tryin the jelly out aswel geez, they come in different flavours, try the mint or banana flava dude. But i get my gear from http://www.orderviagra-now.co.uk. ive currently got the new butterscotch flava. im waitin 2 try it out, lets c wot the missus is sayin wen she gets home…… :-p

Pardeep says:
Fri, 10th Apr 20091:20 pm

HAHAHA. Hey we lads have to smell the sheets, because we know how sensitive you women are, the first sogn of hair u lot freak out…..lol.

I agree ive benn popping V’s for a while now, & seriously it works. I tell you what, ordering cheap viagra good and everything. But try ordering the jellies, I hate taking pills, jus something i couldnt do with.

Ordering viagra was good, but at http://www.ordercheapviagra.co.uk, they have these jellies…. I LOVE THEM, work the same as the pills, but as a jelly. what will tey think of next.

Charmaine says:
Mon, 20th Apr 20099:30 pm

Gosh, this guy totally killed my sex modd. he said, How's my young cock? WTH

E says:
Fri, 8th May 20099:17 pm

I don't think I've done anything to kill the mood when in the sack (I'm pretty sure I would've known by the woman's reaction), but I have a story about one girl who did. We had talked about it for awhile, and we finally decided to try anal sex (completely mutual agreement). We had bought lube for the occasion and all that. Well, we're going at it for awhile and it starts to hurt her. She could've asked me to stop, I wouldn't have been adverse to taking a shower together and doing the deed the old-fashioned way. Instead, to get me to hurry up and orgasm, she starts telling me to rape her. That was a horrible turnoff. I don't know why she thought that'd help get me off, but she was terribly wrong. Anyhow, we never tried it again, and honestly I didn't like it as much as vaginal intercourse anyway. Sorry if that's too much information, but just goes to show, anyone can mess up and say something completely off-putting during what's supposed to be a passionate moment.

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